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-   -   Other Accused of Trespassing (http://forums.bit-tech.net/showthread.php?t=249923)

krazykid035 16th Nov 2012 15:06

Accused of Trespassing
 
I had a breakup with a girl and tried for a few months to show/convince her that the reasons she ended it were blown out of proportion. She didn't like my friends that were girls, jealously, I hung around them too much etc. So I did the dumb thing and stopped hanging out with them, stopped texting them yadda yadda yadda but I know now, they still think you talk to the girls and secretly hang out with them. Even worse, they punish you as if you were still doing those things.

We could hang around eachother on and off in public, talked like nothing was wrong, so I started hinting at maybe seeing that things have actually changed and we could try again. Well I was still the same "dick" I was before. She blocked my number so I couldn't text or call her, blocked me on facebook and that was that.

I started noticing we were at the gym at the same time and after a month or so figured nerves would be calmed down and I could talk to her.

After the gym one day I drove over to her apartment and knocked on the door. She answered and I came in and we talked about random things...classes, work, family, holidays.. then all of the sudden one of her friends about broke the door down coming in and quickly sat down next to her. This should have been my first warning. The friend and her talked for 20 minutes probably before I could get a word in. All I said was it was nice to talk to her and I left a necklace for her to have as I still had feelings for her and was going to give it to her in the past anyways. I leave.

She comes over 10-15 minutes later and leaves the necklace with a note. The noted started off by saying I should never talk to her again, she feels like I am stalking her, to leave her alone or she is calling the police. Then the VERY NEXT sentence is saying how she filled a report with the police and is pressing charges.

This makes no sense to me and it seems like she is just trying to screw me over. The police report says I "forced my way into her apartment without permission".

One thing that pisses me off is the week this happened I had sold my dashboard camera to pay for a newer model that has better quality and it wasn't in yet...

Anyways... I was forced to pay a fine of $200 and I opted to have a hearing as I am not getting taken advantage of. That was another $200 for the hearing.

It doesn't seem fair for anyone to just call the police and say this person did "this" without having anyone verify it. I am going to fight this as I had the option of pleading guilty!!?!??!? They just take her word for it???? What is that crap!

I know my thoughts are all over the place but this really pissed me off. Is there anything I can do to recoup the money from her WHEN I proven not guilty?

Again I don't understand how someone can honestly file a false report and I instantly have to pay a fine with nothing but her word.

Oh, and let me add she works at an abuse center and always talked about how she deals with the police and had to pepper spray guys etc. So if I really was forcing my way, I am pretty sure she would pepper spray me or instantly call the cops or something.

Shirty 16th Nov 2012 15:28

Would a mod please move this to general? Personal problems aren't serious debate fodder.

Your ex is a nutter. Steer well clear and you'll avoid any further issues.

lm_wfc 16th Nov 2012 16:03

I think you should have just avoided her once you broke up.

And get some actual legal advice from a lawyer. Even a letter from a lawyer should be enough to scare her into dropping the charges.

Nexxo 16th Nov 2012 17:26

OK, let me get this straight. She dumps you. When you try to talk to her, she blocks your number so you can't text or call her. She blocks you on Facebook. It's pretty much over, no?

So you follow her home from the gym and visit her in her apartment, alone. Just to prove that you were there, you leave evidence of your presence.

You are lucky that all you got was an accusation of trespass. She could have claimed you tried to rape her, and her friend would probably have backed her up. How would a sex offence record look on your CV?

STAY CLEAR OF HER. Really, are you self-destructive? Are you autistic? Don't ever try to contact her again. Don't ever be seen anywhere near her again. Don't ever leave anything for her again. Change your gym. Don't go to court; just pay the fine and make this thing go away as soon as possible and stay out of her life, and keep her out of yours.

Carrie 16th Nov 2012 18:37

This ^^^ (well said Nexxo)

Unfortunately we can't all stay connected to people we may want to. It's a two way thing, not just your preference that counts. She has made it abundantly clear YOUR PRESENCE IN HER LIFE IS NOT WANTED. So stay away!

krazykid035 16th Nov 2012 20:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nexxo (Post 3215008)
OK, let me get this straight. She dumps you. When you try to talk to her, she blocks your number so you can't text or call her. She blocks you on Facebook. It's pretty much over, no?

So you follow her home from the gym and visit her in her apartment, alone. Just to prove that you were there, you leave evidence of your presence.

You are lucky that all you got was an accusation of trespass. She could have claimed you tried to rape her, and her friend would probably have backed her up. How would a sex offence record look on your CV?

STAY CLEAR OF HER. Really, are you self-destructive? Are you autistic? Don't ever try to contact her again. Don't ever be seen anywhere near her again. Don't ever leave anything for her again. Change your gym. Don't go to court; just pay the fine and make this thing go away as soon as possible and stay out of her life, and keep her out of yours.


It was more of an "on off relationship" that turned into an "I like you a lot, but I can't do this anymore" for her. What made it go on and off was her getting re-mad about my "girlfriends" that she would randomly see here and there. We were still hanging out when she would get mad but it would be more of a sit next to each other while she waits to hear what she wants to hear. She was still talking to me via FaceBook, cell phone etc. But still kept getting mad. Now she blocked everything, and I stopped trying to talk to her.

I see her at the gym and of course it gets me thinking. And as in I see her, I mean throughout the course of a month. I have not tried to contact her at all at this point. So after many weeks of not talking I decide to drive to her apartment after I am done with the gym and errands for the day. I didn't follow her, I just know where she lives because I used to hang out with her there. It was at least 3, 4 hours since I saw her that morning. And It is a big college apartment complex, there are people everywhere walking to and from class.

It has been 3 weeks and then I get this letter I am being charged with trespassing. That is why I am confused... The police didn't come over that day, or that week, or anytime close of me even remembering talking to her.

I might be a bit self-destructive but I am not going to take a fine and have it on my record for no reason. If that is the case, every time I pass her in between class changes I am filing stalking... it is basically the same difference.


Just to be clear, my thinking was that she was on-off before, it has been over a month since I looked at the girl, let alone talk to her and she didn't seem discouraged by my presence at the gym. I felt that things might have cooled down and I could at least talk to her. I didn't ask her to get back together, just genuinely seeing how she was doing.

I was never told to stay away in the past, believe me I don't mess around with crazy women (well, once they get police crazy), and I am staying away now, just as I have been since she wrote the letter. I just don't like how she says stay ok, I say ok I guess it is over, then weeks later I get this charge.

And I obtained legal council today, I was just looking for some inputs.

Nealieboyee 16th Nov 2012 20:50

I agree with Nexxo, but this girl strikes me as the type that...i don't know....strings you along just enough to keep you interested, then kicks you. Then gives you a little bit more, then kicks you again. She seems like a weird one....

I would stay away in case you get a rape charge as mentioned above.

One of my ex's was similar, come to think of it. Crazy girl, that one. They have this ability to turn everything around and make a really nice guy look like a psychopath. I managed to dodge a bullet, luckily.

Shirty 16th Nov 2012 20:50

See you on Judge Judy :thumb:

Scirocco 16th Nov 2012 20:54

Whether your ex is crazy or just her friends advising her or both, best to let it go. It may be difficult and there were possibly some signs that things were better, but trust me, it isn't worth it. Work with your lawyer and steer as clear of this person as possible. Depending on your membership at the gym and what is available, either find another gym or go at times you're pretty certain she won't be there. If for some reason you do end up at any place together, steer wide and for god's sake, don't speak to her or anyone with her.

Go ahead and fight the trespassing charge or look at it as getting a cheap way out of what could potentially be something far worse. Absolutely don't take it upon yourself to try and fix anything. Just follow your lawyer's advice to the letter.

Nealieboyee 16th Nov 2012 20:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scirocco (Post 3215182)
Whether your ex is crazy or just her friends advising her or both, best to let it go. It may be difficult and there were possibly some signs that things were better, but trust me, it isn't worth it. Work with your lawyer and steer as clear of this person as possible. Depending on your membership at the gym and what is available, either find another gym or go at times you're pretty certain she won't be there. If for some reason you do end up at any place together, steer wide and for god's sake, don't speak to her or anyone with her.

Go ahead and fight the trespassing charge or look at it as getting a cheap way out of what could potentially be something far worse. Absolutely don't take it upon yourself to try and fix anything. Just follow your lawyer's advice to the letter.

The problem with that is that he now must turn his life upside down just to avoid her.
Stay at your gym, and go to that gym when you feel like it. If you see her, ignore her. If she speaks to you, ignore her. No contact whatsoever, but that doesn't mean you have to change your schedule. Thats bull.

Carrie 16th Nov 2012 21:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nealieboyee (Post 3215186)
The problem with that is that he now must turn his life upside down just to avoid her.
Stay at your gym, and go to that gym when you feel like it. If you see her, ignore her. If she speaks to you, ignore her. No contact whatsoever, but that doesn't mean you have to change your schedule. Thats bull.

Hiya Nealie , how's Scotland?

Now in principle, ON PAPER, what you say should be right but in practice that could be a very dodgy path. What if the OP were to do as you say then he meets her in the gym, say near the changing area, when noone's around, and she chooses to cry "help!". What then? That way leads to escalation of an already bad situation, regardless of whose fault it is that it's reached this point. It may be unfair on him to curtail his activities and choices but life is unfair sometimes and sometimes you just have to play safe.

Nealieboyee 16th Nov 2012 22:04

Scotland is good thanks Carrie! Hows your end of the Kingdom?

Unfair doesn't begin to describe it. That would be kind of sick. To do such a thing she would have to be mentally unstable. Similar to a child rape/abduction suspect being found not guilty. He will still get sideways looks and rumours wherever he goes, just because the police questioned him.

Carrie 16th Nov 2012 22:13

So so thanks :)

At one end of the scale she could be mentally unstable, take a detour and she could just be a prize b***** or at the other end of the scale the OP could genuinely scare the cr*p out of her (no offence meant OP). Since noone knows what's going on in her head or her perception of events it could be anywhere along that scale.

Any of those extremes puts the OP at risk in the event of an encounter without unbiased witnesses

AmEv 16th Nov 2012 22:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nexxo (Post 3215008)
Are you autistic?

Not to single you out, but as someone who not only is autistic, but has an autistic brother, I get kinda irked when people relate autism to stupidity. Especially teachers. Ugh.

About the girl, I'd say that she's shown that she's shown her disinterest in you quite well. I'd avoid her. I haven't been interested in dating yet, so I can't offer great advice, yet.

Porkins' Wingman 16th Nov 2012 22:30

Unless undertaking clinical assessment, how does one find out if someone is autistic without asking such questions as, "are you autistic?"

Carrie 16th Nov 2012 22:33

AmEv I know Nexxo can argue his own case but I'm sure he wasn't implying stupidity by his reference to autism. Merely that certain "signals" she was giving off may not have been recognised as disinterest. That doesn't mean he's stupid.

WarrenJ 16th Nov 2012 22:37

Step away.....fast.

Nealieboyee 16th Nov 2012 22:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarrenJ (Post 3215255)
Step away.....fast.

AKA

RUN LASSIE RUN!

BennieboyUK 16th Nov 2012 22:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmEv (Post 3215240)
Not to single you out, but as someone who not only is autistic, but has an autistic brother, I get kinda irked when people relate autism to stupidity. Especially teachers.

I'm surprised a mod, of all people used this statement in a derogatory sense, accusing of stupidity. I'd love to introduce to gentleman I know that works very well with autism oh... And his masters in physics.

:grr:

Carrie 16th Nov 2012 22:51

:wallbash:


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