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The cruellest of stories

Discussion in 'Serious' started by meandmymouth, 19 Oct 2015.

  1. meandmymouth

    meandmymouth Multimodder

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    Currently, life for my family isn't going great. You'll realise very quickly that is an understatement. Every time something bad happens we think it can't get worse, then it does. I don't really have an outlet so I'm just going to lay it all out here.

    December 2012 my Grandpa (Dad's Dad) died somewhat suddenly. Very soon after my Grandma was sectioned with dementia. The loss of her husband really took it's toll. She is still giving the carers hell at the care home, but she hasn't recognised anyone for two and a half years.

    During 2013, my sisters fiancée died after a long battle with cancer. He was the nicest, most caring and lovable person I have ever met and a very close friend of the family. The year before he lost his Dad to cancer, so his Mum and brother have really been put through it.

    I should add at this point that I have 3 sisters.

    Not long after that my brother-in-law lost his Mum to cancer. Again our families have been very close for a long time. Fortunately she got to see her son get married, but she got ill very quickly so it was quite sudden. She had lost her Mum only the year before.

    So that's 2 sisters mentioned. I've barely scratched the surface.

    Early last year a close friend of mine committed suicide. He was an ambitious, friendly, caring, amazing man and never showed any sign that there was anything troubling him. A lot of people took this very hard and I can't imagine what his family had to deal with. They really are a wonderful family.

    Almost three months ago my Grandad (Mum's Dad) died of cancer. It was very sudden. He was still in good health but just didn't wake up one morning. In March he had only just been realised from prison after being put away because a dirty cop had a grudge because my family had lodges complaints against him for harassment. This is a very long story that I can't even begin to cover here.

    Finally, just to top all of this off, my other sister (the one yet to be mentioned) and her husband have had to suffer the cruellest thing of all. Last Monday night she went in to labour with her first child. A beautiful baby boy that lived for no more than 30 minutes on Tuesday morning. He just wouldn't breath and we don't know why. It was the perfect pregnancy, a day past due date and born on his mothers birthday (the 13th of all days). I really don't know what to say. I can't describe how gut-wrenchingly awful this is.

    After all of this I just can't figure it all out. There isn't really anything to figure out. I just, I don't know, I really don't know.
    I'm not going to sit here and ask 'why our family?' or 'why my sister?' because no one controls this. Plain and simple it's just bad luck, right? But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

    I don't need anyone to say anything. I just needed to get this out somewhere. I'm not very good at talking to people so this will have to do. I know you are all very supportive as well.

    If you read all of this, don't reply, just go and hug the people you love and tell them that you love them.
     
  2. Samanthap.

    Samanthap. What's a Dremel?

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    so sad to read all this, God bless you and your family....
     
  3. Digi

    Digi The not-so-funny Cockney

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    Sorry that you're going through a hard time, my condolences.

    I've lost both grandads in the last few years, split with my ex of 10 years after a drug fueled and abusive relationship, my parents split after 30 years of marriage, I was forced to move country away from my kids, I have to go to an abortion with my current girlfriend next week and I've just been in hospital for weeks with chronic migraines and asthma.

    Sometimes life is **** and you gotta take what comfort you can get where you can get it. I'm lucky I have some solid mates and the love of a good woman.
     
  4. thom804

    thom804 Minimodder

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    Tell me about it. Our family's story of this year is much the same as yours, but this is your thread so I won't impose it upon anyone else.
     
  5. Digi

    Digi The not-so-funny Cockney

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    Why not? Take the opportunity to get it off your chest. We can all leave our stories in this thread with meanandmymouth's and leave it at that. Collective condolences..

    I was in 2 minds as well though..
     
  6. thom804

    thom804 Minimodder

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    I won't go into detail, that'll come tomorrow when I have more time, but here's a synopsis!

    Sister in Law Murdered, Wife probably has MS, had to give up our two dogs because of said MS, I have chronic backpain caused by a prolapsed L5 disc but still need to travel 4 hours a day for work to keep the roof over our heads and food on the table.

    Luckily, we have a 16 month old daughter who has kept this whole family together with her giggles and smiles.

    EDIT!: I forgot to mention that my Wife's other sister was the one that introduced the murderer to my Sister in Law, and that she's a pathological liar so we know she had something to do with it but the courts were only interested in the murder charge so nothing else will be done! :thumb:
     
  7. Digi

    Digi The not-so-funny Cockney

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    Bloody hell. Yeah that'll do it. :( MS is one of those things I think I should know more about. How did it present itself? Sorry to hear all that.
     
  8. dancingbear84

    dancingbear84 error 404

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    I don't know what to say here other than this is saddening and I am sorry for you all.
     
  9. thom804

    thom804 Minimodder

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    Initially, she was getting numbness in her arm, but didn't think anything of it.
    Then about 4 weeks later, she just lost all sight in her left eye. It's come back to a black and white image now with limited field of vision, and the neurologist has said that that pairing of symptoms is a strong indicator.
    The arm numbing comes and goes so hopefully it's one of the lesser forms of MS, as it seems to come in varying degrees.
     
  10. Nexxo

    Nexxo * Prefab Sprout – The King of Rock 'n' Roll

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    I'd still get a confirmation of diagnosis through investigation. I can think of at least three different ways of explaining those symptoms that are not MS and I'm not even a doctor.
     
  11. thom804

    thom804 Minimodder

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    Considering the neurologist has said that purely from the eye problem, it's a 40% chance, coupled with the arm numbing, that rises to 80%, I'd say we're better off preparing for the worst.

    Nobody's giving anyone false hope, and as my wife is getting ready for the worst possible diagnosis, anything less will be a bonus.
     
  12. Nexxo

    Nexxo * Prefab Sprout – The King of Rock 'n' Roll

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    That is true, but correct management depends on correct diagnosis, so make sure it's confirmed.
     
  13. GuilleAcoustic

    GuilleAcoustic Ook ? Ook !

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    Very sad stories, I'm really sorry for your guys (or gals). My almost entire life been an nightmare so I can understand you. Hug and love and never wait to tell someone that you love him/her because no one know the future and maybe tomorrow will be too late.

    Dun know if I can impose my story here... but again, I'm trully saddened for you and telling everything is really courageaous as it demands a great effort.
     
  14. Porkins' Wingman

    Porkins' Wingman Can't touch this

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    Condolences to all who are experiencing difficult times.

    I hope what I go on to say doesn't upset anybody, it's not intended to, but I thought I'd share my own personal perspective on this subject.

    Generally I would say I have an existential, nihilistic, attitude to life. I don't chose to be, I'm not attempting to be 'cool' or alternative, it's just I came to my own conclusions about life and with some basic reading it seems I align with those schools of thought.

    I'm not a people person. I had few friends as a kid and even less now. It doesn't bother me. I have plenty of family that I see regularly but I don't feel terribly strongly about any of them. I don't really lean on others for emotional support. I don't consider myself socio- or pyscho- pathic though, I don't wish ill on anyone. Just like to be able to do my own thing without interference.

    As such the thought of me, or family, dying doesn't get to me very much. It's bound to happen and there's no point in me getting in a depression about it, before or after. I can find 'goodbyes' of any nature upsetting, in the moment, but I move on quickly. The thing that upsets me more than anything is the thought of having to put my dog down one day. But even that I know I'll get over it quickly, because I know it's going to happen sooner or later and I benefit nout from dwelling on it.

    I can't really advise others just to adopt this mindset - I appreciate we all come to our thoughts uniquely and can't control what forms them, but hopefully someone one day might cope better with things if what I've said gives them food for thought.

    There's no reason behind life and the only thing for us all to do is find ways to fill the time until we die. You can spend it playing, laughing, singing, dancing, etc. or you can spend it working, worrying, crying, angry etc.

    Whenever I find myself getting pissed off or upset, I imagine I'm looking down on myself and laugh at my own futility - snaps me out of it in no time. It may sound easy for me to say, but it can be applied to any situation, whatever the scale the personal tragedy may be. I realise that I'm lucky in never having experienced any significant abuse or deprivation - such things obviously influence your thinking, but ultimately it doesn't change what I see as logical.

    Obviously, some things happen to some of us that seem so far outside of what we've become accustomed to as 'normal' and go into a state of shock. I'm not suggesting my mindset can cancel that out, but it can help. I stood alone holding the cold hand of my grandmother as she died painfully and unexpectedly in a hospital bed last week. I didn't get upset, but I did subsequently experience a bitch of a neck-ache that I can only think was stress-related and the only way to shift that was to rest. Next day I was over it.

    I truly think the best single thing you can do to combat hard times takes only 3 minutes 30 seconds (plus maybe a quick spot of reflection after) and that is to play, and sing along with, the most profound song I've ever come across. I suspect you already know it, so it's just a case of getting yourself to adopt it as your mantra:

    Of course, if you're religious, you might have trouble with this, but I still fail to see why anyone chooses to impose the restrictions of a religion on themselves.
     
    Last edited: 20 Nov 2015
  15. Shirty

    Shirty W*nker! Super Moderator

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    I sometimes wonder if it's actually me writing all of your posts in some parallel universe, and then agreeing with myself as I read them in this one...
     
  16. Porkins' Wingman

    Porkins' Wingman Can't touch this

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    I suggest you go back and re-read some of your own posts and see if you agree with them first...
     
  17. Nexxo

    Nexxo * Prefab Sprout – The King of Rock 'n' Roll

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    Welcome to Daoism, Buddhism or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. :) I wouldn't say your view is nihilistic, just that you choose not to 'fuse' with certain thoughts and feelings, and instead commit to what gives your life meaning no matter what.

    Respect. :cooldude:
     
    Last edited: 20 Nov 2015

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