Other Accused of Trespassing

[Nealieboyee]

I know Carrie...sigh....I know lol.

Guys read post #16. I'm sure Nexxo didn't meant that autism=stupidity.

[Shirty]

"Are you autistic?"

Seems a valid question in light of the OP's apparent inability to read quite simple social signals. Anyone taking offence to this has failed to grasp the overall subtext of Nexxo's post.

Although as Carrie has alluded to above, I'm sure his defence (if one is even needed, quite frankly) will be eloquent, logical and carefully pitched.

[BennieboyUK]

Originally Posted by Nealieboyee

I know Carrie...sigh....I know lol.

Guys read post #16. I'm sure Nexxo didn't meant that autism=stupidity.

Thanks for the "heads up" on post 16, which I've read and I have read Nex's post twice a still feel that it's not been used in the correct context... So my opinion differs from yours.

straight back at you.

Ta

[Carrie]

Perhaps you should read up on autism and other conditions such as Asberger's then and it'd give you a clearer understanding possibly of the context in which I think Nexxo was asking that question

[Sloth]

Originally Posted by WarrenJ

Step away.....fast.

This should be an automated response to any thread started about advice with relationships gone bad!

Off topic, those who want to be offended will find a reason to be.

[BennieboyUK]

Originally Posted by Shirty

"Are you autistic?"

Seems a valid question in light of the OP's apparent inability to read quite simple social signals. Anyone taking offence to this has failed to grasp the overall subtext of Nexxo's post.

Although as Carrie has alluded to above, I'm sure his defence (if one is even needed, quite frankly) will be eloquent, logical and carefully pitched.

Couldn't disagree more. Personally if I was discussing this event with someone, I'd be more inclined to ask questions such as:

How long have you known?
Have you heard others speak about similar events occurring with this individual?
How old are you? (To gauge life experience and maturity)
To name just a few simple, safe and respectful questions.

All before asking are you autistic.

My goodness me.

[Carrie]

Originally Posted by BennieboyUK

Couldn't disagree more. Personally if I was discussing this event with someone, I'd be more inclined to ask questions such as:

How long have you known?
Have you heard others speak about similar events occurring with this individual?
How old are you? (To gauge life experience and maturity)
To name just a few simple, safe and respectful questions.

All before asking are you autistic.

My goodness me.

The only relevant question there is regarding other similar events Tbh. It doesn't matter how old he is, how long he's known her or what he had for breakfast. He has a serious problem and the only relevant point is how does he move forward from this point to his best advantage.

[Shirty]

It's OK to disagree

I feel that the OP actually offers quite a bit of information, and my response sums it up. It looks like the classic combination of teenage boy not realising he's crossed a boundary, and teenage girl blowing things out of all proportion.

Nexxo's question was typed in consternation at the fact that the OP seems to want to retain some involvement with his ex - even if he believes it's just to clear his name.

Happens every day.

Originally Posted by WarrenJ

Step away.....fast.

Originally Posted by Sloth

This should be an automated response to any thread started about advice with relationships gone bad!

Couldn't agree more, it should be grounds for an instant permaban

[Nexxo]

OK. First off, Carrie is right. Whether the girl is nuts, a prize bitch or just genuinely frightened, OP will just have to get over himself and the perceived unfairness of it all and do what it takes to put as much distance between himself and the girl as possible. Self-preservation, you know? Don't get caught up in false "I shouldn't have to..." pride. He approached her when it was pretty obvious that she did not want further contact. Now he'll have to deal with the consequences.

As to the autistic question. I'm a clinical and neuro-psychologist so I do know a little about autism, having also written a thesis on it at some point. Many people are called, or call themselves autistic when they are clearly just somewhere on the mild end of the Asperger's spectrum. Second, autism is often accompanied by other learning difficulties so people often wrongly confuse the two. But I don't. I know that autism is amongst others characterised by a difficulty on reading social contexts and behaviours, so if a guy seeks contact with a girl when she has blocked all avenues of communication with her, I think it is a a fairly valid question (even if meant facetiously here). Third, I can see how the meta-communicative context of the question can be interpreted as: are you stupid? Indelicate phrasing on my part, but the very fact that BennieBoyUK picked this up and took offence suggests that he cannot be autistic. If you were, you wouldn't have picked it up to take offense in the first place.

Just let it go. It's just forum trash talk, you know? If OP doesn't like the answer, he shouldn't post the question. Another example of poor boundary keeping.

[BennieboyUK]

Originally Posted by Carrie

Perhaps you should read up on autism and other conditions such as Asberger's then and it'd give you a clearer understanding possibly of the context in which I think Nexxo was asking that question

I'm sorry Carrie, I've every right to my opinion on the post, as you do. And our opinions differ. But assuming, if even implying, that you're more knowledgable than myself of the subject is just silly.

Ill respect your opinion, though I don't agree with it, all I ask is the same back.

The head bang and assumption I don't know a subject matter is really not needed.

[BennieboyUK]

Thanks Nexxo, good response. Although, respectfully, my opinion and interpretation of your first post still stands.

[SuicideNeil]

Originally Posted by BennieboyUK

I'm surprised a mod, of all people used this statement in a derogatory sense, accusing of stupidity. I'd love to introduce to gentleman I know that works very well with autism oh... And his masters in physics.

Re-read the post- he did not liken autism to stupidity. An autistic individual may not be able to pick up on certain signals due to a lack of social... understanding, or decorum. Ergo, someone else might have taken the hint and walked away, where as he as an autism sufferer was unable to understand that she no longer wanted anything to do with him.

Why do people jump on innocent questions or statements and try to blow them out of proportion? Trying to score points against the mods due to your own failure to grasp an implication ( or lack there-of in this case ) will not result in good things...

[Carrie]

Benny I'm well aware that social contexts can be and are subject to misinterpretation by Asperger suffers and other extremes of that spectrum, something you don't seem to acknowledge.

Furthermore, whilst I fully appreciate "Nexxo" is a partial internet persona I do not believe that the man behind that persona would equate autism with stupidity. Read his posts throughout the forum and I defy anyone who is not naturally sensitive to and defensive against such an attitude to see evidence of it. You jump on a reference I suspect because your experience has shown you that in many instances people do have that attitude. But not everyone does.

Hence the wallbash. As Sloth said, look for offence and you'll find it if you want to because that's what experience has taught you is the likely intention.

[Nexxo]

Originally Posted by BennieboyUK

Thanks Nexxo, good response. Although, respectfully, my opinion and interpretation of your first post still stands.

I'm sorry you feel that way, but you are misinterpreting the post. I can see why you might, but an autistic person would not make that meta-communicative interpretation in the first place.

[SuicideNeil]

Did we mention Nexxo is a psychologist yet?

Given the questions were 'destructive' & 'autistic', not 'stupid' & 'autistic', I still fail to see how it could have been interpreted the way it was, unless liek I say, it's just a thinly veiled attempt to dis' another member by putting words into their mouth through one's own poor cognitive reasoning & linguistic interpretation skills...

( I am merely an armchair psychologist )

[BennieboyUK]

I stand truly corrected, and bow down gracefully (or not it seems). Ill be sure to keep my opinions on the safe side of the screen in future.

Lesson learnt me thinks.

[AmEv]

Yeah, I read it wrong. I just have always read "you must be autistic" as "you're stupid", thanks to YouTube and such.

Reading through it again, I see he meant it as "You're not picking up on social clues", which, indeed, is an autistic trait.

My social problem? It isn't trying to start a conversation; it's trying to end it. IRL, you can't get me to shut up.

While I'm not quite comfortable sharing exactly where my brother and I are on the spectrum, we both realize it's a handicap (we can't learn the "normal" way), not a disability (unable to learn).

[Carrie]

Originally Posted by BennieboyUK

I stand truly corrected, and bow down gracefully (or not it seems). Ill be sure to keep my opinions on the safe side of the screen in future.

Lesson learnt me thinks.

Benny, I apologise if I was a little blunt in my stand against "injustice"; had it been someone else posting the autism question I too might have questioned their meaning, depending on who that someone was.

[penryn 2 hertz]

Originally Posted by AmEv

Not to single you out, but as someone who not only is autistic, but has an autistic brother, I get kinda irked when people relate autism to stupidity. Especially teachers. Ugh.

About the girl, I'd say that she's shown that she's shown her disinterest in you quite well. I'd avoid her. I haven't been interested in dating yet, so I can't offer great advice, yet.

Have to agree with above. as i and my gf have Aspergers Syndrome...

[Yeoo]

my cousin is autistic and the whole not reading social signals thing is clear from the op actions. so asking question is valid.

Also ive had a crazy ex pull one on me. the later messages to me from her completely made her look stupid in court when i was accursed of harrasmentr