Anyone remember the Top Tips section from Viz comic? Is Viz still going? Do they still have Top Tips? I've been signed up to @VizTopTips for a while, and it usually generates a daily chuckle, but yesterday was a particularly good day. A few of yesterdays favourites: BRIGHTEN up your day by moving at least one of Tony Blair's books to the crime section in your local book shop WILLIAM HAGUE. Shrug off the media witch-hunt by indulging in a couple of pints, but not with Marc Almond WILLIAM OF OCCAM. For a smoother, closer meta-theoretical principle, try adding an extra blade to your razor NUTS magazine - change your name to 'TITS' to avoid confusing your demographic Apologies if they humour doesn't translate well for our non-UK friends.
BRIGHTEN up your day by moving at least one of Tony Blair's books to the crime section in your local book shop - Rep for someone with a pic of this in their local.
This is one that I actually saw on the Viz tips section but it stuck in my mind:- Set up a premium rate phone line with a charge of £10 a minute then use a sticker on your car or van with the number on it saying "Hows my driving?" and then procede to drive like a c**t all day and watch the money roll in.
Personally, the Hague one was my favourite, but I've found I've had to explain it to quite a few people, including those old enough to remember. Spoiler In the 80s/early 90s, there was a popular account of Marc Almond collapsing and having his stomach pumped, where they extracted 2 pints of man-juice. It's utter bollocks, but it was a common story. Snopes
Just got one of my Viz annuals out: Single men. Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occassionally glancing inside. Have fun in the supermarket next time you go alcohol shopping. Fill your trolley to bursting point with booze, then add one pack of nappies. When paying, pretend you don't have enough money and put the nappies back. Watch the faces of the checkout personnel. Priceless. Drivers. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.
Quite. So if you are not a Twitter user, what do you care. If you are, then you would have picked up the reference.
