LOL Idiotic things customers/people have said to you

As title, I'd like to know the most idiotic or silly thing a customer has said to you.

Over the past two days I've had a guy ring up (twice) to cancel our site technician coming out to him as he'd figured out why his router kept crapping out....firstly because of 9/11 and then because of solar flares. I kid you not

And the other was a while ago, some middle aged ex university lecturer thought his old employer was hacking him using Tesla Coils so he couldn't file an unfair dismissal claim against them.

So what do you have?

Edit: changed to include any type of customer idiocy, not just computer related stuff

 

its not regarding computers but i had to tell someone

I had a customer who wouldnt buy a shirt because it had creases. The funny thing was i had opened a brand new one for him to try on and the creases in the shirt were from where the shirt was folded He wanted to make a formal complaint that all our shirts had creases and it was unacceptable

 

"Oh we don't need surge protection for our server room, we have a UPS"

I hear it all the time

 

Hmm..

Come on, hurry up and use the kitchen roll already, I've got something on here!

 

Ikea sells these wall decoration panels onto which you can fasten a flatscreen.
These also come in glass. One of the panels has a notch (for the TV cables) the other has not.

Customer comes in with a bag of broken glass, complaining about not beeing able to saw the glass with a ripsaw for his TV cables.
The customer manager gives him a new pane of glass.
The guy returns with another bag of broken glass, still complaining about not beeing able to cut it with a ripsaw.
The customer manager gives him another pane of glass, and proceedes to the quality manager to complain about the "Faulty Product".
My wife (beeing the quality manager) nearly exploded

...her solution was to explain everything to the customer and the customer manager.
...my comment was: Send him to a hardware store demanding a "Glass Ripsaw" in a stern and demanding tone, they have them, but they won't admit it, don't get shook off!

 

My personal favourites are post code phonetics. My two personal favourites are "It's J for Jiraffe" and "X for erm... erm... X".

 

My 2 fav's

1. My wife shouts at from the kitchen, she's going absolutely nuts because our 6 month old tumble dryer isnt working, I walks in to the kitchen and explained that maybe she should close the door

2 My sister in law was having a convo with my wife about some **** when she comes out with this beauty 'is the talking clock for death people?' and before you ask, yes, yes she is as thick as a plank.

 

I use to work in specsavers,

A customer came in and asked me this :
Customer - "Its buy one get one free isnt it"
Me - "Yea anything £69 up is buy one get one free"
Customer - "So if I buy a £69 pair can I get a £125 free"

I literally face palmed

 

I work in a restaurant behind the grill. A few stories,

1: Customer sends back some gammon claiming its undercooked.
We put it back on the grill for a bit and send it out again.
It comes back again with the same complaint and so we cook it a bit more and send it out again.
Finally the customer come over himself (Its an open grill) puts the plate down in front of us.

Customer: "This is an outrage, are you trying to give me food poisoning?"
Me: "Sir we have cooked your gammon as much as we can with out burning it.
Customer: "But its still pink, that means its raw."
Me: "Its gammon sir...its pink or its burnt..."

2: We serve small pots of sauce with our meals, they are about 50ml.

Waitress: "Is there any alcohol in the Jack Daniel's sauce?"
Me: "Yes it is made with JD so there is a tiny bit in."
She goes away and comes back,
Waitress: "Is there any in the Diane sauce?"
Me: "Yes that's made with red wine, again trace amounts."
She goes away and comes back again,
Waitress: "Is there any alcohol..."
Me: "Look all of our sauces except for these 3 have alcohol in them what's the problem."
Waitress: "The customer is driving home and he worried about getting pulled over"

There is at most 1ml of alcohol in the 50ml pot we give out.

 

I hear shedloads every day as I'm applications/hardware support. A couple of them that really stand out though are:

"Is that capital numbers?" when giving a password

"My screen is black with no video input on it. What do I do?" "Try turning the computer on"

 

C for come - guaruntee'd I had a foreign person say this to me on the phone the other day. I was nearly in pieces.

 

When I worked at EON I had a guy phone me up complaining his bills had gone up. I spent an hour going through everything I could think of regarding energy efficiency. He was claiming poverty and that he couldn't afford the payments and we were disgraceful expecting an old man to pay these kinds of bills.

I said "Are you absolutley sure you have nothing out of the ordinary" or something to that effect when he said...

"Well... Of course we have to keep the concert room air conditioned 24/7 to make sure the Steinway is looked after".

I hadn't thought to ask about that.

 

"how do you make that reverse b letter?"
Promptly (and every time - I've heard this more than once) followed by "oh... duuuuuuuuh". Sometimes accompanied by some drooling.

 

These are absolute classics. ROFL Logic appears to leave people when talking to someone in a shop/customer support.

 

I'd have been ok with that unless it was followed with "and T for tits".

 

A conversation with my wife's cousin when I came into the living room with a protein shake:

Her: what's that?
Me: it's a protein milkshake
Her: it looks like a smoothie
Me: it's not a smoothie, because there's no fruit in it
Her: smoothies don't have to have fruit in them - I made one the other day with milk, banana...

 

Where to begin

You know what, I'm not even going there. Lets just say the customer is very rarely right...

 

Oh. A friend who tried his hand at hacking, and at most got access to the IP of the web server, thinking it was the Holy Grail.

 

She was actually right. Banana is a herb.

 

My wife's name is Fiona. She was asked to spell it out on the phone the other day and started by saying "That's F for Fiona...". She did laugh when I pointed out what she'd just said, though

Actually, she was wrong, and you were sort of right. Bananas are herbaceous plants (i.e. a non-woody plant), but the thing that we eat is a fruit (i.e. a fleshy, seed-containing plant structures usually based on the ovaries of a plant)