LOL Idiotic things customers/people have said to you

not a truer word said! whoever came up with that whole 'the customer is always right' bullsh!t is a complete t**t!

 

Oh where to begin, the joys of retail.

"Can you tell me where your milk is kept please?"
"Certainly sir. Did you want fresh or long life?"
"The blue one."

(the day before shrove tuesday)
"Can you show me the pancake mix please?"
"Sure, it's just up here."
"No, no. That says batter mix, i want pancake mix."

"Excuse me, where are your artichokes please?"
"I'm not sure sorry, that's not my department, but I'll take you to someone who will know for certain."
"Rob (the produce SUPERVISOR!), can you show this lady where your artichokes are mate?"
"What are artichokes?"

And my personal favourite is from my own dear mother but admittedly is down to her failing hearing. A conversation between myself and my, then, 9 year old step-sister whilst we're eating in a restaurant.

Sister - "How do Eskimos eat if they're living in all that snow?"
Me - "Well they have a lot of fish. They cut a hole in the ice and drop a fishing line through the hole to catch them. You could say they have fish for breakfast, fish for lunch, fish for dinner and even fish as snacks."
Mother jumps into the conversation - "What are vicious snacks?!"
Classic.

 

To be fair I can see myself doing this. What's long life milk anyway, is that just UHT?

 

Yep

 

...and then follow him, to watch the resultant argument.

I usually stick to the phonetic alphabet, with one exception.

"L for Leather"

 

Haha brilliant, I might have to slip that one in there myself

Just as an aside... Does anyone else consider their knowledge of the Nato Phonetic Alphabet to score a man point or two

 

"OMG GUYS! Did you know they made a book series based on the Harry Potter Movies!?"

I've also heard Harry Potter replaced with Lord of the Rings (back when it came out) and more recently I've heard the sameish statement regarding the Game of Thrones TV series.

 

Me and the IT guy at work went to a small shop to get a replacement dell battery for a work laptop. The guy starts asking me questions about my pc (in the rig) when I first built it. He asked me about the cooling and I said I have an aftermarket cooler, temps are fine. He than tried to convince me I need a thermaltake water cooling kit that he had because my cooler was crap and my pc would overheat and fry. He actually said that. I just laughed.

About 3 weeks ago I went to buy new headphones. After buying them I went into a few clothing stores with my brother. The salesman approaches us and asks if we need help finding sizes and we say no we're okay. Than he starts asking about what we were buying. When I told him I bought some sony headphones he started asking about headphones. He asked why I didn't get the beats solo etc and I said the beats solo are okay but you can get better headphones. His instant reaction was "I don't believe it, everyone has the beats, they're the best." I laughed at how misinformed some people are. A bit of reading, couple store visits and I picked the headphones that were in my budget that I felt sounded best. It's kind of sad how some people are willing to spend good money on something just because everyone else has it.

 

Used to, but working for the Navy has made it more commonplace and therefore less exciting.

Had quite a few incorrect interpretations of it from "customers" though! Some serious mistakes from people who otherwise know it, some from people making it up as they go, others I prefer to think they're messing with me. The best ones: "Julio" for J which was made even better by the speaker's Spanish accent, "X as in Xenos" which I like to think was a 40K fan, in one string of letters and numbers a clever caller planned ahead and gave me "T for Thanks, F for 'for', Y for 'Your time'" which really brightened my day, and the very best was "O as in Ohhhhhhh SNAP, son!".

 

I've often said that I am a magnet for stupidity and ignorance. Of course, I am exaggerating. A lot of my customers are lovely people, but as a couple of local phrases go; "there's one everywhere" and "there's one born every day" If you deal with enough people, you are bound to come across them. I just smile and nod

 

Back when Fellowship of the Ring was released, as the movie ended with Frodo and Sam standing at the edge of the Emyn Muil, some people a couple rows ahead of us were quite upset because "they totally left that open for a sequel!"

 

Most of my idiottic storries about customers will always come from Curry's, as thats where I've met most of them, put picture the scene if you will.

Customer comes in to the store to buy a breadmaker, I'm just about to go off shift and they catch my attention, I'vw got 2 minutes left and I could either have just ignored them and went home, not wishing to be rude went over to see what they wanted.

They express interest in the top of the range Panasonic Breadmaker to which they ask me the dumbest question ever

Customer "We'd like to buy this Bread Maker please *looking at my badge for my name* Simon, what does it do ?"

Now you can see my dilema here I'm sure, do I answer the question in the level thart I've been asked it or do I go into a sales pitch about what is so great about it, I choose the first option

Me "Well sir, madam, the Pabasonic BD27, whislt a great piece of kit, does exactly what it says on the tin, it makes bread"

Customers look at me blankly for a while as if to say well I can't believe he just said that

Husband "Well if your going to be like that about it you can stick it where the Monkey stuffs his nuts" and then walks out the store. Moral of the story though ask a silly question, get a silly answer.

The other one was some months later a customer wanting to buy a small flat creen TV, they asked if I had a certain one in stock, to which I replied whilsyt working on the Hifi section that I didn't have any of that model and checked to see if I could find another one for them.

I looked, there was none in the county, so I was then asked "Well that terrible, when will you be getting some more"

I replied honestly that I didn't know, I'd love to know when there was more coming in.

Then came the dreaded question "Well we'll have that one with some money off then"

I asked them to hang on whilst I went to check with boss of what we could do money wise for it being a display model, already had a large wedge off it as it was a sale item which is why we'd sold out. Boss said no way, it had only been out a few days and there was some 300 due in but even he wasn't sure when, also wasn't able to forward order it either so meant I couldn't process a forward sale which meant it would reserve one for the customer.

I politley told them I was sadly unable to offer a discount for the display model and that the boss was not happy to sell that one as heknew there was more in and was aware of a company wide shortage, again they asked so when will you have one to which I replied "I'd love to be able to tell you if I had a Crystal ball I could tell you when we'd have them, but due to lack of information I just can't tell you"

I was then called a rude arogant tanker to which they then made a formal complaint about me later that for me being rude, so glad I don't work in that place anymore.

 

I had a customer ask for 10 tonnes of aggregate to be delivered to her home address.

"but I don't want your big trucks, they're too wide for our gateway"

I explained that the smaller trucks, capable of carrying that amount, were exactly the same width, only shorter, with a tighter turning circle.

"now you're just being clever, and not very helpful", "wait, what about those 7.5 tonners? Why can't you send me ten tonnes on one of those?"

No kidding, that last line was verbatim.

After I explained why they were called 7.5 tonners, she called me a rude, condescending pr!ck and hung up!

BTW 7.5 tonnes is the max gross weight of the truck, they can only carry around 3.5 tonnes payload.

 

One of our company cars ran out of diesel a few weeks back. (Turns out that it wasn't out of fuel after all, but that's another story...)

I was on vacation, but had stopped by work to pick up something so I figured I would help my colleague to get some diesel.

We then took another company car and drove up to the petrol station. Since we didn't have a fuel can, we went in to ask if they had one we could borrow.

Coworker: Do you have a fuelcan we could borrow? One of our cars ran out of fuel.

Guy behind desk: Sure! Do you have your car here at the station, then?


Me and my coworker just looked at him for a second to see if he was serious. Apparently he was.

My coworker then carefully explained to him that if we had the car at the station we really wouldn't need a fuel can...

 

That divx was the same thing as music. I told him it was a video type, he disaggreed.

Oh and that's not so bad smilodon, I've often driven in our other car to the gas station to ask for the same thing, as my dad's car had run out of petrol.

 

I've worked in a similar store, and the correct answer, well madam, you chuck the ingredients in , and in 60 minutes you've got fresh bread, MMMMMMMMMMMMM

 

When I used to work at Woolies:

"Do you have any Hard as nails?" ( meaning No more nails, got that alot... )

a good one I had with some older lady:

"This ( JML ) bag resealer doesn't work"
"Did you put batteries in it?"
" I didn't know it took batteries, it doesn't say it needs them.."
" ( looks on back of packaging ) It clearly states it requires 2 AAA batteries, as it uses heat to reseal the bag by melting it slightly"
"Well, it wasn't clear from the ( instore ) video, I don't expect to have to buy batteries for something that needs them"
" Well, the packaging clearly states it needs batteries that aren't included, I'm sorry if you didn't read the packing carefully before purchasing but there isn't an awful lot I can do really, sorry"

With that she mumbled and huffed abit and walked off- I never really cared for customer care that much, not many of us did in our branch, putting people right when they were talking crap was par for the course...

 

Meh, she almost deserved it for buying a pile of shite. The only good things JML ever produced were the psycho-crazy kitchen knife and the dryer balls (seriously they're fecking awesome).

The worst we ever had at Woolies was a guy who had pulled apart a PSP disc, thinking it was extra packaging.......When demanding a replacement he was laughed out of the store. Unprofessional? Yes, but how can anyone be that dumb.

 

Inbreeding?



I have lots of memories flooding back now, lets see:

JML stuff was utter shite though- my sister bought one of their 'wonder-mops' once; first time I used it all the blue dye came out of the head, thus forcing me to spend twice as long cleaning the kitchen floor by hand to remove the dye & the dirt.

I recall someone bought back a children's trampoline once because it had failed/ collapsed, it was pretty clear from the buckled metal legs that some fat moron adult ( one of the people who bought it originally, local scumbags with 6 kids kinda deal ) had jumped on it to test it probably and they wanted it replaced or refunded. We said no and that we had to do an investigation of all those models company-wide because it was a safety issue- they never did get a refund or replacement

Most face-palm inducing customer was some chap in his ~50s who walked upto me when I was setting up a PC display and asks me "so, these computers, how do they work exactly?".
Swear I could have hit him for being so naive, but I decided to play nice and inform him of evening training courses at the local secondary school/college which would be his best bet for learning how to use one.... seriously though, some people really are that dense.

Before Woolies I worked in the local Co-op, had lots of daft questions there. I recall a man complaining that the chicken he bought was a bit off and smelt funny, so he was offered a replacement. He states that he wants a replacement, a refund, and compensation for the fuel he had to use driving back to the store to return the chicken; I believe he only got a replacement chicken in the end after much huffing and puffing & explanations of store policy.

One time I was on the Deli counter and a lady asked me why certain items were on promotion, wanted to know what was wrong with them. I had to explain to her that every week different items would go on sale to attract people into buying them, and then continue buying them once the price went back up in order to boost sales and profits; she didn't seem convinced and kept wanting to know if they were out of date or something. I swear some people must lead very sheltered lives or be bat-sh!t retarded to not understand something so simple as a weekly promotion...

 

If somehow it came to light that it was a garlic chicken i swear i would sh*t my own arse out through laughter.