LOL Idiotic things customers/people have said to you

I worked the technical helpdesk for a cable company for a while. A few gems:

Custoderp: "Hi. My email works at the university, but not at home, and it's your fault."
Me: "I's sorry for your inconvenience, let me take a look at that for you. What email adress is this ?"
Custoderp: "I dont know."
Me: "..."
Custoderp: "Hello?"
Me: "yeah i will look into it. Can you please hold?"

Took me a full minute to actually recover so i could go on to solve that one.

Another favorite:
Custoderp: "yeah can you please reset the code on my set-top box for the adult content filter?"
Me: "Has to be requested by mail. Did you forget the code?"
Custoderp: "No, my 10-year old son changed the code and refuses to give it to us."

 

1st one: I don't know what I am doing, and it's YOUR FAULT! o.o

2nd one: Scary! If my kid did that, I'd probably hide the box at a neigbor's ('til I could change it) and punish them severely


Kids, if you're reading this 25 years later, I'm a kid. We honestly don't know what we're going to do.

 

What's really astonishing is that the guy turned out to be right. I told him flat out that it was hard for me to take him seriously if he wasn't even sure of his own adress. When i asked him how he could be so sure it was our fault, the answer was "the IT guys says so". This set me on a trail of solving one of those impossible-to-solve open mass tickets (100K possibly affected clients), so i'm pretty proud of that comeback. Still, the guy was clueless, and was even clueless about being clueless.

I also remembered another awesome example:
Awesome Customer: "Hi, i'd like to cancel my porn channels."
Me (obligatory question): "No problem sir, may I inform why?"
Awesome Customer: "My subscription to your broadband connection started yesterday. You do the math."

I lolled

 

Bicyclists, some of them are special.

Last week some guy decides to come down the middle of a one way street, but in the wrong direction, straight for me! I hit the brakes, blast the horn, and he just misses me as he swerves around me... then he decides to pop a U turn and ask what my problem was. I put the window down and tell him "learn the road rules fcukwit" The stupid wimp then pedals away and I see him stick his finger up just before he turns the corner.. he's probably dead or in hospital by now, unless he took my advice.

And last night, this woman decides to turn right from the left lane, without any sort of hand signal or headcheck. I slam on the brakes and horn, narrowly missing her, and she stops, seemingly in shock. She then tells me "you have to give way to me!"
I tell her "If I didn't slam on the brakes, then you could be dead right now"
"you have to watch out for bikes!!!"
"You're so fcuking stupid! You didn't even signal that you wanted to turn, do you want to die?"
She shakes her head and pedals off.
She won't last long if she keeps that up

 

mv, has it ever occured to you that people tend to stop listening to anything you say right after the words 'you ****wit'?

 

That's not a problem, since those two words were the last I said to him

 

Never mind, i just noticed you are from Australia, you probably use those words at the end of every sentence

 

And all the girls over there walk around topless, in hot pants, with a pot of beer in each hand?

 

Ofcourse! If not, what would be the point of Australia? I mean, Kangaroos and the word 'mate' are nice, but they don't really justify keeping an entire continent around, even if it is a small one in a spot nobody else wants

I'f you'll all excuse me now, i'll go and hide from australians and moderators

 

Says the guy from NIMAYGHAN ...which barely didn't make it into Limburg

 

An American girl had a few questions about Denmark a few years back. (2003 I think)

Her: Do you have TV in Denmark?
Me: Yes of cause we do.
Her: do you have computers?
Me: more than you have here in the US
Her: do you have electricity ?

Properly the stupidest person I ever met, at least the stupidest person I hope to ever meet. this was in Kentucky in Elizabeth-town.

 

Oh good old America. My dream is to be taught in an American school for two weeks, teach them geography, tell them there's a "u" in favour, labour and colour, and finally teach them how to play rugby (far better than American Football)

 

A friend of mine runs a PC shop in Great Yarmouth.

Yesterday he had someone ask for some memory cores and insisted that he knew what he was talking about and my friend (with many years experience) was stupid in not understanding him

It took about 10 minutes to work out that he wanted a new hard drive!

I hate to admit that some people in Norfolk do not do the county justice.

 

Ah, the yanks... It would be great to teach them this stuff. It would do them a real "favor."

 

Fixed that for you!

 

can i drink this ................

 

Hahaha! Think you should have let them! lol

 

Sales: So this Dell laptop has an i5, 6GB RAM and a 350GB HDD.. We can order one in asap if you like.
Customer: Look, I need a CPU and lots RAM.
Sales: Ok I'll see what I can find (Pulling a face to me).

 

The amount of people i would love to turn round and say yes to (just before pouring in arsenic) ..

 

Sell it as a drink, make money, than fade out of existance.