Other What's ruining your life right now?

Went downstairs for lunch, front door's not working. Multi-point mechanism has jammed, which is exactly what happened about eight years ago and necessitated a new front door. Now, normally, your front door being stuck in the locked position would be an annoyance; I live in a back-to-back terrace. My front door is my only external door.

Tried my best to free it with hinge adjustment, brute force, and - finally - a crowbar. No dice. Got a UPVC fitter coming at some point, who reckons that the fact he can only get to the *outside* of the door until the multi-point mechanism is freed is not going to be a problem. Which... how the chuff's that going to work? He can't adjust the hinges. He can't even remove the door handle. What the heck is he going to do from the outside? Last time it happened the two guys spent an hour and a half breaking it down with sledges and we needed a new door and frame.

Lovely.

Oh, and did I mention that three-quarters of the family is on this side of the door, while the final seven-year-old quarter is currently at school?

 

Not that opens to admit a person: it's a double-glazed thing with a small opening part at the top. Perhaps one who enjoys pies a little less than I could squeeze through, but there'd be a bit of a drop at the other side.

We've sorted the kid - she's going to a friend's house for tea - so fingers crossed the Magic UPVC Man can indeed fix a locked door from the outside.

 

Same as anybody else in a back-to-back terrace: hope you can smash a window and get out that way. If not, hope the fire brigade arrive in time. If not... die, I guess.

That said, there are smoke alarms - regularly checked - on every floor, the walls are solid sandstone brick so aren't exactly flammable, there's a 1kg BC dry powder fire extinguisher on every floor, and I've got a set of disposable heatproof filter hoods that claim to offer 15 minutes of breathable air in smoke-ridden scenarios. Oh, and there's a fire blanket in the kitchen, obviously.

EDIT: Oh, and the window in the dormer opens fully, but I don't fancy my chances of shuffling sideways on the roof trying to juggle a seven year old and a three year old in order to reach the nearest neighbour with a Velux or similar. 's a bit steep for those kind of games.

Thought about one of those emergency rope ladder things, but I'm not sure the dormer window would hold my weight without just popping out with half the wall still attached...

 

Nah, the BC's fine for those - just really, really messy.

 

The car keys have one of these on it, which has a spring-loaded glass breaker and seatbelt cutter on it. Never tried it in anger, though - in retrospect, after the Meriva died and was being collected by the scrappy I should have popped a couple of windows to test it out!

 

Nup. Back at work, eldest's off at a friend's house having tea, and we're awaiting the Magic UPVC Guy.

Last time this happened I had an on-site job, so at least I got a flamin' day off out of it!

 

Magic UPVC Guy has been, and successfully opened the door from the outside (dunno how, sadly, I was up in the office at the time.)

Apparently it's not the multi-point hooks, as I thought, but the main deadlock which has got itself frozen. Thankfully, he has a suitable replacement in the van; less thankfully, it'll be £150. Which, to be fair, is cheaper than a new door.

 

Seems like a bit of a security risk if he can magically pop open a seemingly super locked door from the outside.