LOL Just For Laughs. Jokes & Gags

Naomi - "My name backwards spells I moan. It's because I complain a lot. How about you?"

Lana - "F**k off"

 

When I was young, my teacher asked me to name two pronouns. I replied, "who? Me?"

 

Had a painter and decorator round to do some work on my house today....

I couldn’t believe that he was actually a currently furloughed British Airways Pilot making some extra cash....

Made a lovely job of the landing...

 

I took the shell off of my racing snail to see if it went any faster.

If anything though, it just made it more sluggish.

 

**NSFW**

In case anyone's in need of motivation selling stuff they have cleared out in lockdown, or even bought injudiciously whist confined - you know who you are!



Sell, sell, fookin' sell... I cried with laughter the first time I heard it!

 

Most people are usually shocked to find out I'm not a very good electrician

 

Ordered a stud finder on amazon and forgot to give them a shipping address

...still made it to my door

 

Tweet

— Twitter API (@user) date

 

What does a cordless kettle and the F.A. cup have in common ?

.....no leads !

 

Absolutely no more Suez Canal jokes...

That ship has sailed.

 

Just bought two Harry Potter brooms from Poundland.....quid each

 

That one's so bad I almost gave it a "like".

 

I got beat up by six dwarves this morning, not happy.

 

Would seven dwarves have made it better?

 

um.....

 

Been trying to install this HGV training module on my computer all morning without success...

No drivers apparently !

 

I bought a world map, and told my missus that wherever the dart she threw landed, I'd take her.

Guess who's spending two weeks behind the fridge?

 

I just did a week's worth of cardio, after walking into a spider's web.