Glad to hear you didn't choke on your tea! There's enough stuff there to have you spitting out your drink at any moment! Absolute top viewing, crying with laughter and cringing at the same time.
The anti static wrist band was the best, thought I'd entered a portal back to April the 1st. As for whinging about nerds, REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bite the bullet and admit you F'd up, dude have some respect for yourself.
I was there on the old Overclocking Store forum when... Troubador, I think it was, documented his attempt to cook an egg on an Athlon by building a heatsink from 2p coins and putting a tinfoil 'pan' on top. Bloody worked, too. Both in the "Athlon didn't die" and "egg was cooked" senses.
Indeed, it looks like an even more basic version of the scam anti static wrist bands that have been debunked years ago.
Who bothers with an anti static wristband anyway? If I'm pulling something like a gpu apart I may touch a radiator or something, but I don't dry-hump a balloon while wearing a polyester shellsuit or rubbing myself over a Vegas casino (if you know, you know) before tinkering so the chance of a substantial static shock is minimal.
Grabbing hold of a central heating rad is usually enough to ground you iirc that and ESD isn't as big an issue as it was way back when or is made out to be now.
That actually used to be how it was done: crocodile clip to your metal watch strap or wedding ring with the other end of the wire hooked to ground. None of this namby-pamby elasticated strap nonsense!
I thought the two metal hands moved to get the best bluetooth signal. I had to pay extra for the hands free anti-static wrist band as well.