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LOL Your best joke

Discussion in 'General' started by sotu1, 22 Aug 2008.

  1. kingred

    kingred Surfacing sucks!

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    apologies for png.

    [​IMG]
     
  2. kingred

    kingred Surfacing sucks!

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    [​IMG]

    i could do this all day.
     
  3. atanum141

    atanum141 I fapped to your post!

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    The wife told me to take her somewhere expensive.

    So I took her to the petrol station.
     
  4. Thacrudd

    Thacrudd Where's the any key?!?

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    A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with
    her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

    The Wal-Mart greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to
    Wal-Mart Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

    The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they
    ain't. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you
    think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'

    'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the greeter. 'I just
    couldn't believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for
    shopping at Wal-Mart.'


    and


    Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.

    The first kid leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for?'

    The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous.'

    The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze.'

    The second kid then asks, 'What are you here for?'

    The first kid says, 'A circumcision.'

    The second kid replies, 'Whoa, good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year.'
     
  5. Scirocco

    Scirocco Boobs, I have them, you lose.

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    Why can't men please women? Because they don't have chocolate d**ks that ejaculate money.

    It's a chick joke... so sue me! ;P
     
  6. kingred

    kingred Surfacing sucks!

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    horrific.
    [​IMG]
    i am resisting the urge to post gore/vore/beastiality/porn i dont want to get banned from here lol.

    [​IMG]
     
  7. mvagusta

    mvagusta Did a skid that went for two weeks.

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    You win the lamest joke award kingred :clap: You know that many people don't like jokes made about the death of anyone that was at least a half-decent person, so for posting that crap, congrats, you are now lame :sigh:
     
  8. kingred

    kingred Surfacing sucks!

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    arf i beg to differ. differnt strokes for different folks i suppose.
     
  9. Gooey_GUI

    Gooey_GUI Wanted: Red Shirts

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    Why women have two hands :lol:

    [​IMG]


    Why men have two hands :lol:

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: 25 May 2009
  10. mvagusta

    mvagusta Did a skid that went for two weeks.

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    Those pics are hillarious Gooey, best joke in the thread so far :hehe:
     
  11. Sp!

    Sp! Minimodder

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    What does Mr Kipling do on his day off...

    Pumps cream into tarts....
     
  12. ToMMo

    ToMMo What's a Dremel?

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  13. Thacrudd

    Thacrudd Where's the any key?!?

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    We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
    really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
    informed, the definition for each is listed below...

    Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
    being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are
    you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

    Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
    smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
    wife on the butt and having the balls to say: ' You're next.'
     
  14. SparkuS

    SparkuS What's a Dremel?

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    I had a thomas tank over a blind girl the other night, she didn't see me coming.
     
  15. Scirocco

    Scirocco Boobs, I have them, you lose.

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    A chicken and an egg are laying in bed together smoking a cigarette. Then the chicken turns to the egg and says, "well i guess that solves that question, doesn't it?"
     
  16. Red 5

    Red 5 What's a Dremel?

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    Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.

    Ba-dum tish!
     
  17. Thacrudd

    Thacrudd Where's the any key?!?

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    Ouch man, ouch....
     
  18. skullen

    skullen Minimodder

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    Man buys wife fur coat made out of 3600 hamster skins,took her to blackpool,......couldnt get her of the big wheel for 2 days
     
  19. mansueto

    mansueto Too broke to mod

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    3 guys go hunting, one's Canadian, one's English, and one's Asian.

    The first day, the Canadian returns to the campsite with a moose. The English man approaches him and asks "How'd you find that huge sucker." The canadian replies "I saw the tracks, followed em, and shot it."

    The next day, the English man returns to the campsite with a deer. The Asian approaches him and asks "How'd you find that deer?" The English man replies " I saw the tracks, followed it, then shot it."

    On the third day, the Asian stumbles out of the bushes disgruntled, banged up, and bruised. The Canadian and English man ask him what happened, and he replied "I saw the tracks, followed them, and got hit by a train."
     
  20. Gooey_GUI

    Gooey_GUI Wanted: Red Shirts

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    An Irish joke

    A bar is completely empty except for the bartender and two men. Each of the men are sitting at the opposite ends of the bar from each other. Finally, one of the men goes down to to the other end of the bar and asks, "Where are you from?"

    The second man replies, "I'm from Ireland."

    The first man responds, "You don't say. I'm from Ireland too!"

    They each buy one another drinks back and forth.

    The first man asks, "What city are you from?"

    The second man replies, "I'm from Dublin."

    The first man replies, "No! You don't say! I'm from Dublin too!"

    So, they buy more drinks back and forth.

    The first man asks, "Well, what high school did you go to?"

    The second man replies, "I went to St. Mary's."

    The first man is astonished and says, "No! You couldn't have! I went to St. Mary's!"

    So they buy each other drinks back and forth.

    A third man sees all this drinking going on and asks the bartender, "What's all this drinking that's going on down there at the end of the bar?"

    The bartender replies,
    Nothing at all. It's just the O'Reilly twins getting drunk again."
    :duh:
     
    Last edited: 13 May 2009

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