A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart Nice children you have there. Are they twins?' The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?' 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.' and Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for?' The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous.' The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze.' The second kid then asks, 'What are you here for?' The first kid says, 'A circumcision.' The second kid replies, 'Whoa, good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year.'
Why can't men please women? Because they don't have chocolate d**ks that ejaculate money. It's a chick joke... so sue me! ;P
horrific. i am resisting the urge to post gore/vore/beastiality/porn i dont want to get banned from here lol.
You win the lamest joke award kingred You know that many people don't like jokes made about the death of anyone that was at least a half-decent person, so for posting that crap, congrats, you are now lame
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below... Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?' Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: ' You're next.'
A chicken and an egg are laying in bed together smoking a cigarette. Then the chicken turns to the egg and says, "well i guess that solves that question, doesn't it?"
Man buys wife fur coat made out of 3600 hamster skins,took her to blackpool,......couldnt get her of the big wheel for 2 days
3 guys go hunting, one's Canadian, one's English, and one's Asian. The first day, the Canadian returns to the campsite with a moose. The English man approaches him and asks "How'd you find that huge sucker." The canadian replies "I saw the tracks, followed em, and shot it." The next day, the English man returns to the campsite with a deer. The Asian approaches him and asks "How'd you find that deer?" The English man replies " I saw the tracks, followed it, then shot it." On the third day, the Asian stumbles out of the bushes disgruntled, banged up, and bruised. The Canadian and English man ask him what happened, and he replied "I saw the tracks, followed them, and got hit by a train."
An Irish joke A bar is completely empty except for the bartender and two men. Each of the men are sitting at the opposite ends of the bar from each other. Finally, one of the men goes down to to the other end of the bar and asks, "Where are you from?" The second man replies, "I'm from Ireland." The first man responds, "You don't say. I'm from Ireland too!" They each buy one another drinks back and forth. The first man asks, "What city are you from?" The second man replies, "I'm from Dublin." The first man replies, "No! You don't say! I'm from Dublin too!" So, they buy more drinks back and forth. The first man asks, "Well, what high school did you go to?" The second man replies, "I went to St. Mary's." The first man is astonished and says, "No! You couldn't have! I went to St. Mary's!" So they buy each other drinks back and forth. A third man sees all this drinking going on and asks the bartender, "What's all this drinking that's going on down there at the end of the bar?" The bartender replies, Spoiler Nothing at all. It's just the O'Reilly twins getting drunk again."