There are a large number of people who seem to come on here and open up about something and 99.9% of people are hugely supportive and exceptionally understanding. I've opened up to a few people over the years, not that many but just a few, and it's not all that often that people understand. I'm not saying I have a terrible life, but I don't have and haven't had a good life, I've fought through a number of traumas and difficulties but I so have things going for me too. I know very well that millions around the world have a very difficult life and that I should feel lucky about my life and 50% of the time I do. The other 50% of the time... well... it's hard to really to explain how I feel. I've suffered for over 8 years and tried a lot of things to make me better but nothing has worked entirely, not permanently at least. As it is I have a number of coping mechanisms that get me through and oddly one of them is this forum (sounds cliched I know). Last Easter I had a complete breakdown which forced me to drop out of uni and spend the best part of 3 months in bed (oh what fun it was...) to recover. I have recovered sufficiently enough to go back but I'm by no means cured. I don't think I'll ever be cured but who knows. Anyway, I just wanted to let that out. I've felt very alone through the whole experience and quite frankly I'm just open to anything to make me feel a little better. I don't want to hide either. Finally, a little thanks the bit-tech and the wonderful bit-techers that make up this forum. My obsession with computers, and soon gaming I'm sure, wouldn't have been the same without all of this, and of course CPC.
I like to listen to music when I'm down.. try and keep busy- you know what they say about idle hands like that song chris medina released earlier this year, what are words.. listen to it a lot lately as it actually relates to my life.. I'm sure you can find a song that keeps you connected to whatever your really going through my sister went through a rough time and got on meds.. she said they didn't do anything- she's been off them for quite awhile now.. I won't take any of that stuff- think it's just a crock too hope you feel better.. music and books (and no books about buttsex) does it for me
Good luck to you bud. I went through about 8 or 9 years of it myself and I found that the more I did to distract me the better as it was only when my mind had time to sit and wander did I find myself thinking about things too much and that is when it would hit me. It turned out that the root my problems was that I was winding myself up about being single, once I met my (now) wife I was (mostly) fine. I still have the odd bout here and there but 8 years of suffering taught me how to cope and now I just find something to do until it passes.
I feel your pain... I've been told that I may have some sort of "covert depression", meaning I'm depressed without me actually knowing it...Hell, that might explain things, since if it wasn't for the internet and all the things it has, I'd have blown my head already. Remember, you're never alone out there. Even if you feel alone, it's because we're all unable to be there, not because we don't want to.
Sorry to hear about your situation dude. I know there's not much that can be said to make it ok as such as I've been there myself. 3 or 4 years ago I ended up working 70 hours a week for two months culminating in getting sacked and dumped in the same week. Queue nervous breakdown/severe depression. Like you I locked myself away for a while. About 4 or 5 months to be exact. I tried to figure out exactly what my depression was. I realise that for some it's just a case of a chemical imbalance but for me, I wasn't depressed before... It's interesting to note your thoughts on the forum, I spent a lot of that time gaming and using forums/being online. I think it's distraction, but unlike being around friends it's distraction witout effort! It stops you from thinking to an extent, and anything that does that when you're in that situation is invaluable. There are a few depression forum I used to go on. It always helps to just get stuff off your chest without feeling like you're going to be judged. Anyway just wanted to say you're not alone!
I find it amazing just how many people actually go through the same, it's just everyone is very much like me and doesn't say anything... Thanks guys, already started to help
Glad to hear you're feeling better. The point I was trying to make up there about not being depressed before (Before I went off on a tangent) was that I figured essentially that I was depressed because I wasn't happy with the way my life was going so I spent a while (weeks/months) thinking about that and figured out what would make me happy and put it into practice. I still get down sometimes but I certainly wouldn't say I was depressed anymore. The best thing I ever did was make two lists. One was a list of simple things to do every day (IE get up at 8am, brush teeth, have shower [it's easy to skip these things when you're properly depressed] go outside for at least an hour a day etc etc). Just normal things to keep a kind of routine together. The second was a list of longer term plans IE smoking/weight/going to university. Those are still very much in progress but those two lists have done more for me than I ever could have imagined and I still use them to keep track of what I'm doing.
You know, I have made both of those lists. I didn't go into quite as much detail so I will make new lists!
This is exactly what i do music that is Buy a cheap mp3 or one you might have and pack it full of music whatever your into Go to wherever you want to maybe on a bench in a nice scenic area maybe in the town and listen I find alot of the music i listen to reflects my emotion and it helps me alot just with how im feeling im not sure how if your angry aggresive metal and so on
Working out is a good way to feel a little better about yourself. It's nice to feel fit, and it's good for self esteem/confidence to like what you see in the mirror. No need for anything fancy, just push ups and sit-ups are enough to look and feel good. Do them whenever you're bored, or if you're ever feeling down, well that's your punishment! Get on the floor and give me 20 I'd say that anyone who does not at least regularly exercise in some way, probably doesn't feel proud about themselves.
I ended up retaking my final year at uni as i got myself so down. I was all over the place; drinking every night, getting stoned just so i could sleep, sleeping in until 3pm or later (consequently missing most my lectures). I was surrounded by really good friends, and yet felt so alone. It was most accute at 3 or 4 in the morning when everyone else was asleep. I'd be drunk and stoned which does not put your head in a good place; i couldn't move or else the room would spin and lurch, so all i could do was think and dwell on how alone I felt. I think that if i was suicidal, i would probably offed myself then. But it's just not in my nature, so i didn't. Looking back, i feel like a total stupid arse. I can't even think why I was that way back then ( 3 years ago now). Events came to a head one day when i woke to find myself covered in vomit in my own bed. I'd nailed a litre of whisky neat by myself the night before. It must of been 2pm, but i was still incredibly drunk. I recall my housemate kicking me out of my bed so he could clean it up for me. I was so ashamed. That was it for me. I was under no illusions; i had nearly killed myself that night. (Inadvertantly, but dead is dead.) I mentally shook myself and got myself together. I stopped smoking weed, i started drinking sensibly, i deffered a year so i could pass my degree, but most of all, I learned to let my friends and family in. Before i was very much of the opinion that a man should be a rock. Strong, unemotional, there to support others, but, needing no support but your own. I took my emotions and bottled them up. I took on all my friends problems and bottled them up too, placed on the same shelf as my own. I shared nothing. I think they just all came boiling up with no release. After, i lent heavily on my friends who i found were all equal to the task of propping me up (emotinally, and sometimes physicallly). They got me through uni. I was only alone because i had shut myself off from them. And now that i've opened, i'm not alone anymore. Now, i have my amazing girlfried that i'm utterly in love with, and she to me. I'm not going to be alone again.
At first I thought this was just a thread describing the soul of an Arsenal supporter I still find it really difficult to talk about my brush with depression, I was stuck in a job where I felt massively out of my depth (post doc at Oxford) and spent a lot of time absent stuck in my room. In the end my parents rescued me and I started a new career in IT. I tried a lot of things to take control of my life back, the most effective for me was exercise / gym membership. There are times that i shiver in horror and draw back into myself a little but I can see now that I was unwell, and I can see how much better I am now. As everyone else has said, no mater the support you get from friends/family/gp/colleagues you are never alone. If you dont feel that your gp is up to scratch ask to be referred to a specialist or give someone like depression alliance a ring.
I've gone through some really depressing times in my life. Being unemployed for almost an entire year and having no friends and rarely leaving the house/bedroom can be really bad. It just takes time to learn to cope with it. It unlikely you will ever be totally 'cured' but instead you can learn to not let depressing situations get to you. Keep your mind off it, think of something else. One thing that made a huge difference for me anxiety/depression was getting a different job. Instead of working in a production job (manual labor) where i was working alone in my little area doing work that required no brain input, I now work as a Sales person and computer technician. Now I use my brain all the time. I like my job. I get to interact with other people. I don't have time for bad thoughts to come into my head. Going to see a counselor or something also helps. I went a few times. Mainly just to confirm what I already knew about my problems and how to fix them. Even though I knew what I needed to do, it helps a lot to have a professional tell you that same thing.
More of a searching question, but have you been to see a doctor and been prescribed medication? I have an anxiety disorder which makes me prone to depression and I had a bad relapse last summer, after which I was on prozac for about 6 months. Sometimes depression can't be "weathered" or "dealt with" and you have to get medication to see you through it. I feel so much better knowing that if I do have a relapse, there is help waiting.
Your not alone buddy I used to be near suicidal a few years ago but then I came across the world of pc's. Now whenever I feel down I put all my energy into designing and turn all that negativity can turn into something amazing. I am hopefully going to get my degree in architecture and I like to think that without the depression my life would have never turned out like it has. So suppose what I am saying is stick at it and try to use it to your benefit.
See a clinical psychologist. Not a psychiatrist; a clinical psychologist. Depression can be resolved. Even after 20 years.
My GF has had depression the whole time I have known her. Its seeing a doctor, getting some therapy and some mood stabilisers that have helped her really get over the worst of it. Their are still bad days but its easier than it was in the past. Biggest advice, we have hundreds of different prescriptions for mental illness in the UK keep talking to your doctor. If he does decide to put you on meds and they don't work, then get him to try you on others. Talk to people, especially your close mates and family.
This isn't just a computer forum is it mate? By the way things are, I'm sure we've all had our own serious problems. I've felt very depressed through school but I can hardly say it's as serious- but we're all here to cheer you up. Perhaps the good spirit of buying things in the marketplace will help
Depression is something everybody has, its a mood and can be very difficult to snap out of it. I have what i call 'blue days' where i lack the will to get up in the morning, eat or do anything. The last 12 months have been mental for me, i left uni last summer with a 2:2 a true disappoint at the time considering i was on for a 1st. I had to move out of the student house which i had been sharing with my girlfriend for 2 years, move 100 miles back home with parents whilst i searched for work as well as helping my girlfriend find somewhere to live as her nursing coarse didn't finish until the October. At home i was claiming benefits (dole), job hunting but sending £150 to my girlfriend as support money as her parents are completely broke and she couldn't get part-time work around her shift pattern other than crazy shifts for NHS professionals which would usually follow one of her 12hr shifts. Then i had some luck in the september time, a flood of interviews suddenly appeared but all were pointless, one company actually went bust the day after my interview with them the fella called me up to inform me that i would have had the job but the parent group that owns them has folded. Then my luck changed, a good old friend of mine who had recently had his girlfriend leave him for another man was down in the dumps since the end of august so we started meeting up in the pub of the evening and talking about the sh*t on our minds and eventually he turned around and asked for my CV. 3 days pass and he asks if i could just pop down to where he works and after 30min talking with the CEO i land a job as the sole designer at the firm. They had been having troubles with external companies and he thought to bring me in and put me to use. role on 6 months, me and the girlfriend find a house to rent and during the paper work period of signing the housing contract, the company that had been so kind threw me a curve ball. 'We're letting you go, but if you go self employed we'll keep you on' Ouch and WTF moment, i felt betrayed at the time but twisted myself along the path that made sense. I am now self employed as a Product designer and bent my head around the new things to learn to be self-employed such as accounts and such. The firm in question is amazing, well scratch that the CEO is amazing. He has kept me in work against what HR were wanting at the time as accounts posted a profit lose on the market and 50% dropped off the share price. eeek Its been a bumpy 12 months, and in the early part entering the dark winters months i consumed rather large volumes of single malt and eventually the stress and BS that i had been going through resulted in a 750ml of Talisker was consumed from the bottle as if it were coke. That event made me extremely ill, not a vomit ill but alcohol poisoning ill for 3 days ( don't worry i didn't waste tax payers money and go to A&E, mother took care of me just had to have time for my system to reset) Sad thing, but go thing is my stomach is now soared by whiskey, i can't smell it without wanting to be ill, 6 years of enjoyment and now its gone but gone for the better. My advice is to understand when your depressed and accept it. Stay logical and ride it out and for god sake don't use a coping mechanisms like smoking, alcohol, drugs or sex. It just makes it worse and i can say that from experience. However if its something that is really causing a problem seek advice with your GP and request a blood test to check your hormone balance. Diet can make big changes to mood aswell
