Other What's ruining your life right now?

That's awful.

 

Bit of a Rant incoming...

had a woman today say 'must be great being autistic, you are so good with numbers'
and i had to hold my cool

Society treats anyone with differences like utter crap, most people are either extremely dismissive of my issues ( the '' is your parent here '' situation ) or are downright abusive of it ( i cant even count the amount of online people who hurl abusive messages when i make a mistake due to distraction. or friends that suddenly lose interest when im struggling to wear the mask of normally ). my life is utter garbage, i basically spend it bouncing between on game and group of people and the next, i start something, be it Warhammer, Minecraft, World of Tanks, Airsoft, Supreme Commander or anyone of dozens of others over the years, and i play it to death, reach out into the community and find groups of people who are into it, then you have to pretend to be normal, pretend to be happy and outgoing ( which is hugely stressful ) but at least you are accepted. then eventually a day comes where you are burnout, and you dont have the energy to wear that mask anymore, and a small misunderstanding happens, a minor prank or errant word that shatters the mask, and i spiral downwards unable to keep my thoughts together and the world stops making sense. then when the overload is over, you are rejected, often extremely cruelly for your inability to cope, and are banned / excluded from the group with the usual ******** of 'we are not rejecting you because you are autistic, but because of *inert autism symptom here* be it you misunderstand, or you need to take constant breaks, or you dont like being called a retard for making mistakes, or you are oversensitive, or you are annoying because you dont know when to shut up, or literally DOZENS of others i have heard over the years. this sends me into a depressive and self destructive spiral. until i throw my brain into the next thing as a distraction.
my only real friends have been those others in my position, who have Autism or similar, and now... i have more of those among the dead than the living, and when i told my Psychiatrist his response was basically ' thats just your opinion its not really like that'

so something that isnt my Opinion
The Average life expectancy is that an adult male in the UK will live to 80, but a recent study in Sweden showed the average age of death for a person with autism spectrum disorder is 54 years. Leading causes of death included neurological disorders such as epilepsy, which has previously been linked with ASD, and suicide. People with high-functioning ASD had a ninefold increased suicide risk. According to some studies, 85% of people with ASD have some form of Anxiety, 80% have diagnosable Depression, and 44% have suicidal thoughts / idealisations and children as young as 8 are being referred to the mental health system because of suicidal thoughts

if Autism was so ''Great'' this would not be the case

TLDR, Autism sucks, and im over half way to my grave and im not even 30 yet...

 

I didn't get my diagnosis of F84.5 Asperger's 'til I was gone 50... but it did make a heck of a lot of my earlier life make sense.
@lilgoth89 - all you can do is be you & hope that others like you for who you are rather than who they want you to be... if they're the latter - quite frankly - they can go f*** 'emselves; it's how I got through a lot of my life (even with family).

 

Started repairing shower wall now the leak was fixed.

Tiles cut and fitted, cracked one fitting, decided to adjust pipe position, fit new tile and shower mixer, broke the mixer.
Hopefully soruced the part as it the non return value but have to wait until monday for manufacture to confirm the part.

Gladly have a spare mixer but it's been 3 steps back today.

Oh yeah, my freesat box tied so having to use an older sky box

FML

 

On the downside, received my redundancy paperwork this week. On the upside, the school may be bought by an investor from China. Deal is in the early stages at the moment. Either way I think I'm done. I've been teaching for 14 years (and tutoring for longer). I've been thinking about getting out for a while but it's time to start looking at something else. Thinking about retraining as an Electrical Engineer. I realised that I may have to re-apply for my old job and frankly I don't really want it - insane hours, micro-manager for a boss, bare minimum pay (relative for the sector). If I have to apply for a job I want it on my terms and for a job where I can grow and learn more.

 

Shhh....

Going dark for a while.

Everything's groovy

See you on the flipside.

 

Thanks - house is too weird without the clatter of claws on wooden floor, cat is awol as well but she did this after our previous dog was euthanised in January and she'll be back soon i'm sure.

In many ways it's worse than our previous dog, he was almost 10 and had an awesome life, poor Jackson was never able to really be a loony puppy as he just didn't have the energy 99% of the time and the 1% time when he did he could only sustain it for a few minutes and then he'd be done for several hours

 

Have you been smoking something interesting?

 

the smoke ... I smoke too much….

 

... feeling like most of my input here is a waste of time, that a few hours on any decent search engine would answer.

 

I mean, if we're being very negative, you could realistically say that's true of whatever anyone posts on here. However the fact is that you DID post it, and the search engine didn't. So in summary ... you helped someone and that's not a bad thing.

 

Thanks... but I meant the questions I asked, for myself.

 

I guess flip around my point a bit and it's still valid. We're a community of people who are looking for help or looking to help - or a bit of both. What's the point of the forums if not to actually use them as intended, I say!

 

What you're getting here is faster and probably better input without the dangers of the wider internet like trolls, idiots and willful misleading.

 

I still look at some of the content - like custom builds - and wonder why I'm asking such basic questions, when I've been building PC's for ~20yrs (on & off).

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the input I get, but at some level I feel a sense of "HTF does he not know that?"

 

I think you're being overly sensitive/dramatic. Go for a walk!

 

To be honest... Yeah, you can probably find what you're looking for on Google... if you're prepared to wade through the crap, filter out the fanboyism, and check out for yourself the claims that people are making. Or sometimes it's easier to cut the b-s and ask people here. I've often found that you'll get a much better answer here - not that bit-tech forums are immune to crap, fanboyism, or nonsense claims, because we're all human - but you are reliant on other people taking the time to answer you. You might not get it as quickly as you'd like, but I'd generally trust the people on here more than random Google search results.

I largely stay out of the hardware/software/tech support/modding forums these days. I'm so far behind the times when it comes to modern kit and I know there are so many more knowledgeable people here than me. What keeps me here though is the community; by and large the people here are genuinely decent people and often just want to try and help. The trolls and mudslingers tend to get filtered out relatively quickly (although I've had my account here for donkey's years now, so my definition of "quickly" may not be shared by others!).

So have I. But this stuff is moving so quickly compared to when I - and bit-tech for that matter - got started that I just can't keep up any more. I just don't have the time, energy, or money any more. Hell, I'm using a desktop that was first released in 2011 with CPUs from late 2010. Even the GPU I'm using is nearly 3 years old. It took someone on here to point out that one of my PCs from a few years ago wasn't running the memory in dual channel mode because I'd used the wrong RAM slots on the board.

Sometimes you've got to ask dumb questions and there's no shame in that

 

Just don't ask the dumb questions on a dumb forum where you'll get treated like a moron. Ask them here and someone will help.

 

Cheers, all... think yesterday was one of those days I get where I'm at the cr*ppest in my biorythym.
Still got another cr*p day tomorrow - for me - but it should be 'all up' from then.

 

Big thank you for the support guys.

Things got very rocky for a couple of days and I had to be put on 24/7 watch pretty much because by 9pm every night I was suicidal. Oddly enough not really through depression, but just wanting the anxiety to stop. I phoned my psych and I've increased my Citalopram to 25mg, with a ceiling of 30. I've been on 20 for quite a while now.. Any way that has worked sorta kinda. Before I was being slammed with anxiety around 6pm and it would last until 11 when I went to bed. Now I have about an hourly wobble but generally I feel a lot better, if not for the incredibly sore fingers.

My phone also decided to throw a spaz, so I've ordered a new one. Sod it, I am so over obsessing about money I couldn't give a F now. I can't live on literally nothing for fear of a water bill in 6 months time. I'll pay in £30 a month (it should never be that much) and just GTF on with it.

Over to the awesome thread....