Other What's ruining your life right now?

Next time you get an apparently real number, give it to google & check some of the "Who Calls Me" responses. You might get lucky.

 

Usually someone claiming to be from Microsoft or Apple claiming my PC has a virus an they need to connect to it an fix it. That or saying I was involved in an accident.

 

If it is the same number each time, block it. Just make sure your partner doesn't know you've done that.

 

Yes! Or the call centres in say India "Hello may name is David I am calling from British Telecommunications I am thanking you far calling us today. We have been told your computer is infecting our internet" Usually a woman, with a strong accent.

The TTS ones are great fun though, MY STOLEN PRIVACY! PANIC!

I did have caller ID so usually can spot the scam calls, their heads tend to implode if you answer as an IT service desk.

Other favourites include a takeaway, emergency services or directory enquires (118 for you younglings).

Edit = Another fun one, ask them what floor their one an if they know *insert random name*

 

I've had calls like that & I tell them to "just cut me off, then"; their 'convincer'...? to put you on mute so you think your line is dead, esp. as an incoming call remains live, until the caller terminates.

Easiest way to call them out is to ask, if they claim IP compromise: "What IS my IP address...?!"

 

Going through the rigmarol of setting up a gold image Win7 install for my various VM needs, and handily forgetting that these needs are mostly 32bit. So I spend time setting up 64, getting it all 'right' by my requirements, and then having to re-do it.

Curses.

 

My fave response to scammers is to put on my best 1930's BBC "Mr Cholmondley-Warner" accent & say "I'm terribly sorry old thing, but I don't speak a word of English." then hang up.

 

Lots of numbers look like mobile or uk landline numbers now (although some the area code appears to also cover Delhi going by google).

If somebody does actually speak and say they're calling from [insert company] i have found saying "no you're not" followed by a "no, you're really not" confuses them enough for them to hang up.

I've blocked countless numbers though.

 

I use those calls as a way to let out any frustration that’s built up. Only when none else is in of course.

I start of with “sorry your very faint”, ask them to speak up or increase there volume, repeat a couple of times speaking really quietly, then pause....

Do not read the spoiler:

Spoiler

and then release a foul mouth tirade dropping c-bombs, references to sodomy / necrophilia in the callers family, perhaps a little blasphemy to add some icing then top it off with a couple of cherry’s on the rant that I won’t post here for decency reasons but would make David Cameron’s pig blush

Finished always with my best American “you have a nice day now”.

I’m always amazed what comes out. I think the severity of the vitriol I spout has reached a new level since my father in law lost some of his higher brain function due to a tumour and mini strokes and he gets caught out and really worried by this sort of scam.

 

'there's no need to swear/be abusive sir...'

...you phoned me... therefore, you must want the abuse.

 

"Don't be a scum sucking parasite praying on the weak then." Is my family friendly response.

Given English is normally not the callers native language, I'm not sure the level of comprehension is there to fully understand the subtleties of what's being said and I have only ever had one caller stay to end, so my "have a nice day" is normally wasted.

 

"Your PC has been compromised, and we've detected several malware applications" 'Oh goodness me, however did that happen?!' "I don't know sir, but rest assured we can fix it for you, we need you to download our app so we can fix it." 'Oh this is far beyond my skills, you'll have to talk me through it' "Absolutely sir, first, open your internet browser." 'OK, I'm browsing' "Excellent, go to www.blahasdfdsfasdfhkrefhgbns.com" 'Sorry, my browser can't seem to find it.' "Oh, what's it saying?" 'Well, nothing, I haven't put any paper in my typewriter yet...'

My favourite is still "oh, really, OK no worries, and may I ask where you got my number? No, no, you're not bothering me, and you're certainly not going to hang up, because if you do, I will take this directly to the authorities. Now I asked you a polite question and I don't think it's unfair to expect a response" 'mumblemumblemumble' "Right, so a third party, OK. Now I presume you're aware of the GDPR regulations that came into effect last year? Excellent. Now here's what's going to happen, I'm going to have a chat with your supervisor about this breach in data protection, you're going to say yes sir, and while that's happening you'll be getting another supervisor to provide me with a copy of any and all information that you hold on me, before implementing a block on this number, forwarding this request on to anyone else who may have my information before deleting said information."

 

I even had one try to get me to install TeamViewer... "Why do I need to do that?" *call ended*

 

"Oh your calling about a virus, Oh I'm using a mac, we don't get viruses" fnar fnar

 

We get those calls in Germany and when you call back you pay for it, literally. Great way to make money nowadays.

 

..Call back? hwat?

I don't recall ever calling back someone I wasn't expecting a call from. Is that normal behaviour here? To call back, I mean.

 

If they don't leave a message they never get a call back in this house