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Advice needed - again - money situation.

Discussion in 'General' started by M3G4, 15 Aug 2007.

  1. M3G4

    M3G4 talkie walkie

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    Hey all, need some advice...

    Basically, back in May, me and a group of friends decided to go on an adult weekend to Butlins (yes I know, but it was a fun time out - 90's reloaded - music from our youth!). I planned the event and booked it on my debit card (had some leftover money I could use to cover people). I made sure everyone knew that they'd have to pay £120 to pay the bill or I will be taking action, and sure enough nearly everyone paid up. There was 4 of us, 3 paid up in full leaving only one.

    She was a close friend so I said that it was okay for her to pay me back in installments because she'd just bought a new car but desperately wanted to come with us and her favourite 90's act was there. All was good, we went on the holiday and had loads of fun.

    Afterwards was awkward however... communication broke off. No one spoke to eachother. Fair enough, I thought. The holiday pushed us apart a bit. And to be honest, I'm so used to people dropping me like a hot teapot it didn't bother me too much. However, the girl who was meant to be paying me back, hadn't given me any money after payday like she said she would. When I was at work, I asked, and she gave excuses about how she had a car to finance etc. I swallowed it and said it was fine as long as I got some money soon. A month or so passed, and still nothing. Another payday. Her mum also works there, and tell me of how her daughter has got a new tattoo. I smile and nod, ask how much it costs - £50. My supervisor asks me if she's given me any money. I tell her the truth, no "she's not got enough money", and then my supervisor says "Oh, but she's got enough for tattoos?"

    I asked my friend again when I was to be getting any money, not mentioning the tattoo. Another excuse, and then said she'd pay me back in a lump sum, because she was involved in a car accident and is waiting upon compensation. I left the money issue alone for a good few weeks so she had time to clear things up in her head over the accident.

    Forward on to August 2007, almost 4 months on (had she been paying me the agreed monthly amount it would have been paid by now), still nothing. I hear about how she's going on nights out, having "jokes" with friends. All good, but I have no money. I recently quit work to finish my final university piece, i had enough overdraft to cover me. But now I've run out of money, and I don't start my new job until Sept 3rd. Now I know my money issues are of my own cause, but her payment is long past due and it would help me with travel and lunch costs for the job (oyster will be around £16 per week alone). I recently asked her if she could pay me back the money, as I heard that she had recieved her compensation money, and I explained my situation that I'd still not recieved any money and I could really do with it right now, despite the fact she owes me it anyway.

    So we arrange to visit via MSN.. then she comes up with "if you're only coming for the money I won't have it until later maybe sunday cos I've got important stuff to do", so I said fair enough and asked if I'd get the full amount when I collected it. She then said "thanks chris i kno how much i mean 2 u as a "mate" ur only seein me so u get ur money init".

    I told the truth. I said I'd got the impression by the lack of contact and not inviting me out with her anymore like she'd used to, she didn't want me around anymore, and when I'd arranged to go places with her she'd say no or not bother. I said we'll talk it over and repair the friendship.

    Truth is, I don't want to. I feel utterly betrayed, she was meant to be a close friend but close friends don't do things like not paying their friends back after 4 months, especially when they're in need. I feel like after the holiday she'd planned this, to stop talking to me so I'd forget about the money and just use the blackmail and excuses because I'm a soft touch.

    Am I in the wrong for feeling bad and wanting to steam up to her workplace and demand the money? I don't want to repair our sodding friendship, she betrayed me. Is it bad I feel like that, or is it justified?

    And the 10million dollar question,
    WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW!?!? :(

    Thanks for taking the time to read this :)
     
  2. atanum141

    atanum141 I fapped to your post!

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    Any money ive borrowed from people ive always payed back.

    Even after a long period i have paid them back. I borrowed £200 off my best mate and after a year i paid him back. I think being lazy was a part of it but if she's got £50 to spend on a tattoo then she can afford to pay you back. also get her mum involved.

    Friendship first but money is just as close.
     
  3. Ramble

    Ramble Ginger Nut

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    You could try and be friends but never ever lend her money again.
     
  4. WarningFromSpace

    WarningFromSpace What's a Dremel?

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    Do it, she's being an ass about this so do it. Make sure a bunch of people are near and say ask her why she hasn't paid you in 4 months really really loud.

    But if you want to be nice about it, honestly you will never get your money imo.
     
  5. WireFrame

    WireFrame <b>PermaBanned</b>

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    Do whatever you have to do to get the money. Turning up at her workplace might be interesting. Small claims court is better, and much more effective. And that feeling of betrayal will wane was the bayliffs take her PC/bed/fridge/washing machine/whatever to auction. You can never be her friend again, but you already know this, thats why you're here. That betrayal you feel? You might never get over it - and not in a sad-loser kind of way, just in an honest-t-goodness, taken-for-a-ride-by-some-girl way. Get your money and avoid her. She's playing you like a fool. £50 tats, but "No money for M3G4"? not a chance.
     
  6. malteser

    malteser Blonde on the inside

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    It sounds harsh but I dont think she ever really intended to pay you the money back. Some people are like that. Or it might be that she's not being spiteful, she just genuinely doesnt think she's doing anything wrong. Afterall it's a lot easier to ask a friend to wait on money you owe them rather than a bank - friends dont send bayliffs round. Which is why you need to start getting a bit angry and actually call her on this - make her realise what she's doing really isnt ok.

    Also The whole pay back in installments thing sounded like a good idea but if she's not sticking to it then there's no reason why you should.

    I'd do whatever to get the money off her, start getting mad at her because god knows you've every right to. After that I'd leave it a while because you're both bound to be feeling bitter about everything. Then if you can still be friends, then try it. But dont ever lend her money again.

    If she accuses you of just talking to her to get your money back then just point out she has no right to question you on your actions as whether you two remain friends is irrelevant to the fact she owes you a butt load of money. Best buddies for life or mortal enemies, she still said she'd pay you back and she hasnt.
     
    Last edited: 16 Aug 2007
  7. CardJoe

    CardJoe Freelance Journalist

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    You have to lump it. There was no contract, so precious few legal routes and they'd only drain you of more cash.

    Pressure her a bit if you NEED the money and can get away with it. I know some scurrilious sorts and in the past when this has happened to friends I've had who've been owed money by others then they've just gone around with an attitude and refused to leave until they get paid. If they didn't get any result then they'd slash tires and smash windows. That's not what I'd suggest though as it rarely works out very well.

    What I would suggest is going directly to her Mum, based on what you said she seems reasonable. Get the money from her and let her pick up the pieces.
     
  8. malteser

    malteser Blonde on the inside

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    Ooh yeh the Mum's a good idea. Put on a show of sympathy - havent eaten properly in days, bills mounting up that sort of thing. She might be able to pressure the daughter or give you the money herself. That way this girl wont be able to escape. If she's anything like my mum anyway.

    If you look really pathetic you might even get a free meal out of it. A bit of home cooked roast dinner mayhap.

    Lovely stuff.
     
  9. CardJoe

    CardJoe Freelance Journalist

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    You mums too lovely though. I don't think this woman would give a free meal and besides, I meant more along the lines of going around to her and taking her hostage with a kitchen knife :)

    Or not.
     
  10. malteser

    malteser Blonde on the inside

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    You're special.

    But how many times do I have to tell you - stop kidnapping people's mums and threatening them with kitchen knives!

    it's not nice! No pony for you!

    :nono:
     
  11. Murdoc

    Murdoc Gas Mask..ZOMG

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    Bitch slap the cow and piss in her cornflakes, should bring her round. If not defficate in her pillow.
     
  12. WireFrame

    WireFrame <b>PermaBanned</b>

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    Defecate.
    And defecating IN her pillow? What for?
     
  13. Amon

    Amon inch-perfect

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    Stick it in her pooper. It should underscore your demand for the payback. Mmm. Yeah. Umkay?

    Okay, I'll be serious, I'd drive to her place for a coffee and talk it over. Drop 20 pounds off of the debt and give her a solid deadline of a day or two before bringing it up with her boss at work, her parents, or the city council as a last resort. Then take her out for supper a week later.
    [​IMG]
    Check the status of your friendship often and repair it! Not put up firewalls or disable it!
     
  14. The_Pope

    The_Pope Geoff Richards Super Moderator

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    In my experience with certain people, you may never see your cash mate. It could be a harsh lesson to learn but one shouldn't pay all in one like that unless you can cope with being stiffed. If you don't really care about the friendship, suggest you're going to have to take it to the next level and consider lawyer's letter / small claims court.

    Put it this way - if she was properly motivated, she'd either find the cash for you out of her own pocket, or go and borrow the money from her Mum - at least that way she'd owe her not you!
     
  15. capnPedro

    capnPedro Hacker. Maker. Engineer.

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    Oh! Oh! Oh!

    Man, I love Office Space. :p
    Oh, and nice Windows wireless networking analogy. Seriously.
     
  16. Ramble

    Ramble Ginger Nut

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    This isn't as fun as you might think. She won't ever be your friend again if you did that.
     
  17. Murdoc

    Murdoc Gas Mask..ZOMG

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    She may be into scat, then she will become your lover.
     
  18. M3G4

    M3G4 talkie walkie

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    Thanks for the advice guys. Unfortunately, the mother is not really a good person to go to. She's quite two faced and bitchy, and as far as she is concerned, her daughter can do no wrong.

    And to be honest, right now I couldn't care less about being friends with her or even being amicable - I want my money now. I think it's pretty clear she's trying to take me for a ride. :duh:
     
  19. Jumeira_Johnny

    Jumeira_Johnny 16032 - High plains drifter

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    This advice has served me well: I never lend money to anyone. I give to friends when they need and I have extra, but assume I will never get it back. If they feel the need to repay it, it speaks volumes about them and our friendship. But I never expect it back, nor do I ask for it.
     
  20. RTT

    RTT #parp

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    QFT.
     

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