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Alcoholism - advice needed

Discussion in 'Serious' started by m0o0oeh, 9 May 2009.

  1. m0o0oeh

    m0o0oeh Minimodder

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    Right. First off, this isn't about me, its about a friend of mine, a guy called Gav. Now, he's been an alcoholic for seven years now, and I don't know the official terminology or anything, but I believe he 's a "f**ked-up guy".

    He's a raging alcoholic, who can't handle his drink. He has a young family, and regularly goes on one night stands etc with girls, and then goes back to his "long-term partner" if I can call her that - she is the mother of his children.

    Now, he and I and a mutual friend went out for a drink. He'd just split up with one of his "girlfriend's" and wanted to blow the cobwebs out from between his ears basically. He reassured me he wasn't drinking. By the time I left his house he had drunk 2 pints of Kronenbourg, 2 pints of Becks, and half a tumbler of vodka with a quarter of a tumbler of coke.

    But he will just ramble on about being "the big 'I am'". Anyway, this all got too much for me and the other boy, so we both left, but we'd all gone out looking for a bit of a grin, a good time with friends, and Gav basically wrecked it by being pissed and spouting bullsh*t like it was manure for roses.

    We want to help him, if only to make him realise quite how much of a pillock he really is when drunk, to get him to maybe pull back on the bevvies. I thought of maybe videotaping him discreetly, and play it back to him just so he can see exactly what he's like when he's bladdered. The only flaw in that plan is none of us own a video camera.

    Can you guys think of anything? He won't seek professional help, because he's "having too much fun" but we don't want to see the guy dissolve into a pool of ethanol, or see him behind bars for something he's done whilst under the influence

    Any suggestions will help.

    Thanks
     
  2. Combinho

    Combinho Ten kinds of awesome

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    I don't think that there is a lot that you can do. It has to come from him. My step-dad was an alcoholic, and that put my mum and I through hell. We tried to help, but we couldn't. My mum loved him and I liked him, but he had to go before he dragged us down with him. It sounds insensitive, but it had to happen.

    I now work in a hospital, and you see many alcoholics there. Many of them know the problem, so I doubt that a video camera would be very effective. The psychology is complex and I'm not an expert, but there are usually complex emotional issues behind it. Probably the best thing you could do would be to somehow convince him to seek professional health.

    Hope I helped a bit.
     
  3. Ending Credits

    Ending Credits Bunned

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    Give him this bottle?

    (I'm sorry it had to be said.)
     
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  4. Combinho

    Combinho Ten kinds of awesome

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    Maybe this should be in the serious thread, to (hopefully) stop that kind of response.
     
  5. m0o0oeh

    m0o0oeh Minimodder

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    @EC - the thought did cross my mind

    @Combinho - Thanks mate. More and more of my friends are becoming alcoholic or have parents who are recovering or are sitll very much on the wagon.

    Joe
     
  6. Ending Credits

    Ending Credits Bunned

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    +1 even though it's obviously hypocritical (sp?). :p

    "Having too much fun" is not an excuse. If he's an alcoholic he needs to accept it.
     
  7. Combinho

    Combinho Ten kinds of awesome

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    He probably does know it. From my experience, very few people actually realise that someone is an alcoholic even if they do themselves. I'm not sure whether they just deny it to other people or themselves as well. But the truth is that they know, on some level at least. And until they accept it and look for professional help, it will continue.
     
  8. thehippoz

    thehippoz What's a Dremel?

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    he sounds like he's just a lush.. real alcoholics are hard to spot, they don't show it and drink alone- he's using as a crutch it sounds to get over bigger issues.. believe it or not he needs you guys around him- doesn't sound like he's in love with the mother of his kids either- just has kids with her..

    too many issues to really iron out.. as a friend I'd probably just make sure I seen him everyday (no matter how stupid he gets), let him vent..
     
  9. Combinho

    Combinho Ten kinds of awesome

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    +1 to thehippoz. I cannot argue with anything he says.
     
  10. Turbotab

    Turbotab I don't touch type, I tard type

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    Sorry Hippo but you are wrong, alcoholism is a complex issue, it exists in many forms, this is coming from a person with a family member who is a recovering alcoholic. There are people with the disease, who will drink every day, often in huge quantities and quite happily in the company of other, they are your stereotypical 'alchy', in many ways they are easier to deal with, as their issue is easy to spot.

    There are a whole another class of alcoholics, many of whom may go days, weeks even without a drink, but then binge uncontrollably. This IMHO is the most dangerous form, as these people can often hold jobs, raise families etc, but they are a ticking time bomb. It also affects people from all walks of life, from manual workers to the most erudite professors, the more intelligent the affected individual, the harder it can be to make them face up to their situation.

    If the person feels a need to drink, that is already a bad sign, ultimately nobody can force an alcoholic to get treatment, it must be their own decision. The best people to contact are Alcoholics Anonymous, but be warned supporting an alcoholic is not a short-term commitment, and can be incredibly emotionally draining.
     
  11. Major

    Major Guest

    Err, why not just say what you just posted to his face, maybe bring the subject of him ****ing other women in front of his misses? It's not right for the children or his partner.

    Tell him he is a ****, and until he sorts his act out, you won't be hanging about with him.
     
  12. aevitas

    aevitas What's a Dremel?

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    Hmm, now I'm pretty sure (even tough I've read some major threads about you/your posts) that won't work. This requires a deliquate approach. I'm not sure how to handle it I'm sorry to say. My dad drinks quite a bit and so does my brother (I don't luckily) and I sure hope you will find a way to show your friend he IS messing up his life. The fact is, it often doesn't just affect only the person in question, but a whole wide radius of other people, which is scary. People tend to change ALLOT when they're drunk, and indeed, often blabber allot of BS.

    Good luck man.
     
  13. Major

    Major Guest

    I didn't say it would work, who knows what works until anything is said. :)

    The guy is an idiot by the sounds of things, the only way to sort someone out like him is for a seriously harsh approach, talking to him nicely or going things though a GP aint gonna sort anything out, to fix something hard, you have to take a hard approach.
     
  14. DarkLord7854

    DarkLord7854 What's a Dremel?

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    From experience, you can't really do much unless he realizes it, just like you can't force someone to grow more mature unless they realize they're not. Best solution I've found is just to keep your distance, eventually the person will start to wonder why and that's when you tell them why (alcoholic etc) and they'll realize how bad they've been.
     
  15. Jumeira_Johnny

    Jumeira_Johnny 16032 - High plains drifter

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    You might want to check with Nexxo, but basically there isn't anything you can do. He will have to make the choice to go into treatment and until he's ready to, his behavior isn't going to change. You can encourage, or abandon, but neither will have an effect until he's ready.

    Personally, I would make ONE concerted effort. If that fails, then walk away and write him off. It's his life to live or to destroy.
     
  16. DarkLord7854

    DarkLord7854 What's a Dremel?

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    And don't let him destroy yours if he chooses to destroy his.
     
  17. m0o0oeh

    m0o0oeh Minimodder

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    Wow! Thanks for all your responses guys.

    Yeah, I'm inclined to agree with you - he even asked last night why it was only the three of us, and we actually told him that we were the only two who would grudgingly put up with his drunken antics

    He knows full well he's an alcoholic, and indeed said regularly last night, but yet will not do anything about it.

    Agreed even Si (his partner) says that the BS gets a bit too much for her. And thanks aeviatas.


    We have repeatedly, and he's shook it off as us being pissy. As for the cheating issue, she really doesn't care. They've never split up, as she says "its one of his little quirks, and I subscribed to that the moment we had kids." He has issues, I'll give him that, but I don't think she's strong enough to make him see sense and get some help.

    I appreciate the comments, and for my part, if he is willing to try getting tratment and sorting himself out, then I am willing to support the guy 100%, but he's got big ideas that only come out when he's ratted, that when we relay them back to him once sobriety kicks in, he actually cringes, but yet he still sees it as "one of those things that happen when you're drunk"

    That was kinda the idea of last night - none of us were going to get plastered, yet he necked two cans of Carling from his house to the Mumbles, which is something like ten miles, plus what he drunk whilst he was out. Once we left, he proceeded to go to the local and presumably get slaughtered.

    Thank you all for your comments. I must admit, the prospect of trying to make him see sense is somewhat daunting but if thats what it takes, then I'll do my damndest to help him. Like I said earlier - he's a lovely guy when he's sober - as polite and kind as you could ask for, but when he's drunk, its like talking to a brick wall who thinks he's a Mafia Godfather...
     
    Last edited: 10 May 2009
  18. Nexxo

    Nexxo * Prefab Sprout – The King of Rock 'n' Roll

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    You can't help him. There is no reason for him to change:

    The rest of his friends will tolerate him because "he is a nice guy when he is sober". Those who get fed up and walk away are readily replaced by instant drinking buddies on the bar stools next to him.

    The only way he may consider changing is if his partner (now there's a woman with issues of her own) decides to split up and take the kids with her, or when the consultant tells him his liver is totally ****ed and he has six months to live. But by then, of course, it is too late.

    I'm sorry for your loss, but it's time to move on.
     
    Last edited: 10 May 2009
  19. Veles

    Veles DUR HUR

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    If this keeps on happening to him though, eventually he might wonder why he keeps on losing friends.
     
  20. Major

    Major Guest

    So from your own words, you can help a Peado, or even a Murderer, but you can't help someone who drinks?

    Please, don't treat us like idiots.
     

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