Depression hurts more. Physical pain at least releases endorphins. OK, there are about five reasons for self-harming: 1. Cry for help. It is hard to tell people how much you're suffering when it is all on the inside. But everybody understands physical injury. If you are driven to injure yourself, well, you must be feeling really quite bad, right? 2. Catharsis. We all know the phenomenon when you bite your knuckles or lip in anxiety, dig in your nails or punch the wall in frustration... physical pain releases feel-good endorpins, and hence releases tension. 3. Self-punishment. It helps if you feel guilt, shame or self-loathing, as depressives typically do. Hey, don't tell me you never smacked your head and called yourself an idiot, or felt so angry with yourself that the pain from kicking a wall almost felt like a 'deserved' punishment. 4. Control. Self-harm can be a form of reclaiming control. If anyone is going to hurt you, it is damn well going to be you. Closely associated with: 5. Redirected anger. Sometimes there is nowhere to turn that anger but inward; no way to get at a person directly so you get at yourself and make them worry. Think of the angry child that refuses to eat. Sure, it'll go hungry, but the parents are really concerned and upset now... That'll show them!* Sometimes the best way to hurt others is to hurt or kill yourself: "See what you drove me to!" And they'll miss you when you're gone... It is also a great way of manipulating people: "If you leave me, I don't know what I'll do..." * Yes, anorexia can work that way too. Often people self-harm for several of the above reasons. How they go about it (spontaneous, frantic and chaotic self-harm, or planned, deliberate and controlled self-injury) can tell you a lot about the reasons. And keep in mind that excessive risk-taking behaviour, drug and alcohol use or workaholism can be forms of self-harm too.
A line cut from the quoted extract (always RTFA) "Males committed suicide far more often than females, accounting for about three-quarters of suicides in this age group." So, the figure for girls from the 10-14 age-group showed a big increase; though still very low at 94 out of the total 4,599 for young people of both sexes. Looks like the merchandising of sex appeal to an ever younger buying public is beginning to bite, though not the hands feeding it. Childhood is getting shorter, more "adult" pressures are on. Have you read the agony column in these girls' magazines? Childhood's End, indeed.
It is the nature of those "adult" pressures as well. In the past, a 16-year old might be expected to function as an adult, but at least that just meant holding down a job, getting married and raising a family (with the assistance of extended family). Now if means being a superhuman stud/sex-kitten who can juggle a high-flying career, a passionate full-on romantic relationship and picture-perfect cute offspring with a celebrity lifestyle of sex and drugs and Rock 'n Roll, while looking physically perfect and being adored by dozens of friends. No pressure there, then.
Or at 12, having the latest phone, iPod, clothes, makeup, and a boyfriend. Not to mention experiencing sex, drugs and boy bands. The pressures are less for boys of that age, the girls mature earlier; Harsh but fair.
It is not so much that the girls mature into womanhood earlier (which they do), but that the boys are allowed to stay boys. Girls are quickly recruited by mum to become the second carer, honing their mothering instincts on dolls and home baking, and to regard males as helpless without them. They are indoctrinated to be attractive to males not just as carers but also sexually: to emulate sexualised female idols, yet also to keep their knees together and view males as sexual predators that need to be fended off (no mixed messages there, then). The boys may be taught to get the girl, but the girl is taught to use her body as the honey trap... yet is also taught to feel awkward and ashamed of her body. She needs to show it off, but not too much... Girls are trained to be mothers and sex objects from day one. Boys are allowed to be more adventurous and self-centered. Risk-taking is encouraged rather than a sense of caring or responsibility. They are not so much sexualised as indoctrinated to do the sexualising. They are allowed to indulge in sports, drinking, fighting, f***ing. They get to be boys forever. Some of these imperatives are biological, of course. make no mistake: the human species is female. Men are primarily a genetic/hormonal mutation of the female template (why do you think men have nipples?); a single-minded fighting, f***ing, hunting machine. That's depression (probably on the theme of "I'm not good enough") with a sprinkling of "exercise anorexia".
Get this, there are girls as young as six saying they are on a "diet." That might give a good clue as to some of the pressures going on.
Couldn't agree with you more about the mixed mesages nexxo. I recently dumped a girlfriend because I was so depresed that she despite my initial impresions she conformed to that sterotype of the conflicting mind. Wanted to various things from me but was held back by some weird emotion simlar to been ashamed. I guess the resulting depresion could make her one of those statistics, but what is one to do when someone to you no longer apears to be human as they coulden't overcome there indoctrination?
Nexxo, you must have owned your high school debate team. I often wonder if there is a cure for some of these people. It seems like their depression comforts them in some way, the pain reminds them that they're human. I get random bursts of (seemingly) severe depressions sometimes, where I look at the big picture of life and how difficult the road ahead will be for me, and how I'm lonely, but by the next morning its gone. These poor people who feel these feelings all the time, I'm absolutely amazed they even get out of bed. That to me shows character. The problem is that I don't think depressed people know what they want. They just know that they are sad. How can you help someone like that? Maybe only through therapy to locate not only the problem, but the solution too. Both could be the mystery. My friends sister is nine and was in the hospital for months with a eating disorder. She would spend hours, literally, a day outside skipping rope, and would only peck at her food at dinner, eat no lunch or breakfast, and exercised and ran around constantly (which is common for someone in grade 3, but normally they have food in them.) She looked like a skeleton. Her family can't figure out why she thinks this is alright. She just thinks shes being healthy. When in the hospital she wouldn't eat and they had to feed her through an IV. Even after talking to other kids (who were all much older) with the same problems, and finally started to eat some more food, was she allowed to leave the hospital. A month later she was back in because she had lost most of the 30 pounds she had gained when in the first time. How does a nine year old get like that? None of her friends have eating disorders. She doesn't watch Hollywood TV or read Teen People. The only logical answer I can see is her older sister, who I think is 12 or so, is quite chubby and probably has problems and is ashamed of it. Its possible she could have picked up something from her but that would seem unlikely because this little girl has always been skinny as a rail naturally her whole life. Very sad and strange. Because without nipples our chests wouldn't have a focal point. Now the fact that in rare cases men can lactate from them, now thats f***ed up.
Didn't have one. But it comes with my job, which is for a large part about exploring and communicating ideas. Depression is a coping attempt. It does have pay-offs and secondary gains. With something like, say, alcoholism these are more obvious, but depression has them too. Often the problem and the solution are flip-sides of the same quantum coin: sometimes you can't see which face is up; sometimes they are both up at the same time. I think it is probably a bit more complicated than that. First, anorexia is a spiral. Weight loss alters your physical resonses: you stop feeling hungry, you become hyperactive (ancient foraging instincts, it is supposed), eating foods is accomanied with great physical discomfort: cramps, bloating and water retention (which makes you feel fat), extreme fatigue, sometimes vomiting. It is hard to gain weight when you have starved to a low weight. It also alters cognitive functioning: it is harder to concentrate, thinking become black-and-white ("If I eat this cookie I'll become horribly fat"), it is harder to understand verbal communication or to express yourself (so you can't talk with people about what motivates you to starve yourself). Emotions are dampened, which is handy if you felt depressed and anxious; together with the hyperactive buzz you may actually feel much better at first: you feel more in control, less depressed, more energetic and your complex problems seem suddenly very simple to solve: you just don't eat! And you can't fail at something you don't do, so it is great for those who feel failures in other parts of their lives... It also alters your perception: when you look in the mirror, you don't see the weight loss. And as your thinking becomes more black-and-white, so do your perceptions. Regaining weight, as outlined above, is physically very uncomfortable, but it also reverses the hyperactive buzz, and ther flattening of thought and feeling. All of a sudden, all those complex problems and bad feelings come back. No wonder anorexics don't like to go there. Moreover, there is a social snag: the current ideasls of beauty put women at 90% of their average expected boy weight. This is the point at which the hyperactive buzz sets in. So when the first effects of anorexia start to take hold, you not only feel better, but people are likely to give you positive feedback on your appearance as well... Second, anorexia is a result of cultural and family dynamics which are too long to get into here. Let's just say that even when they try really hand, parents can still mess up due to their own hang-ups and blind spots. Men can develop functional breast tissue if exposed to oestrogen, which can lactate.
