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Anyone else feel like giving up

Discussion in 'Serious' started by CrapBag, 26 May 2018.

  1. Canon

    Canon Reformed

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    In direct response to OP.

    I'm not going to say I know how you feel as I am not in your shoes. I have probably had the most normal ( and I know, normal isn't a thing..) emotional experiences I could imagine. As all of you here have most definitely felt down, desperate sometimes like giving up I have too. All for different reasons I'm sure. My reasons have always been somewhat trivial and through natural growth and maturing I have learned to let go of such trivial things with much greater ease.

    But I would say without a doubt, this is not the case for yourself. I also have very little knowledge of the mental health care available on which to pass judgement. I'll keep it short though because in more recent times I have found one thing that has got me through most if not all of the issues I have encountered and since becoming aware of the fact I've been making a conscious effort to pass it on to others and that is; kindness.

    It sounds wishy washy, sure. But it always gives me a bit of a boost to see people share, it can be a conversation, a donation, a hug, a coffee, advice, a gift, a favour, you name it. Sometimes I catch myself making a pretty rash judgement on someone, in passing and most of the time later in the day I find myself wishing I had just put my hand out and said "hey, come with me, lets see what we can do to make your day a bit better". Because the chances are that person is going to be welcoming to help, advice or even a chat. I don't have a lot to give in any respect, but something is always better than nothing.

    So, should you, or anyone else be in a situation in which that may seem beneficial my inbox is always open to you, judgement free.

    DISCLAIMER: I am not a member of any religious body and therefore will not try and indoctrinate you :grin::p:
     
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  2. true_gamer

    true_gamer Well-Known Member

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    I'm going to repost this from another thread I wrote this in. As many of you know what I went through 5yrs ago, which went on for a further 3yrs before finally getting my life back on track.

    "There's always light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark things seem, even at the point of wanting to just give up, I kept strong and finally bounced back. So anyone reading this, don't let someone else make you feel that low to that point you feel worthless, or to the point of taking your own life...
    Things always get better in the end, so stay strong, think positive, and cut out any negativity, and time will do it's thing of healing you." - I'm living proof.

    Exercise, especially boxing is really important in helping anxiety, depression, low self worth and so on.
    Trust me, since taking up boxing, I feel so positive, that even after an 1hr of full on sparring, with a sore jaw releases so much tension from the endorphins release, that you end up feeling really chilled out.

    Obviously not everyone likes contact sport, but even pad blast is great fun to knacker you out.

    But the point is, joining such a gym will keep you going back as you meet new people, and everything is grouped based training, so it's not like a normal gym.

    I once was 20st with a 44" waste, but look how time has changed me in 5yrs. Now 17.5st and a 34" waist. :)
    So cut out the drink, drugs, fags, etc as they are the cause of the chemical imbalance within you, and you too can make a massive change to your life. So be positive, and have a will to do things you've never done before. :)

    [​IMG]
     
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  3. Nexxo

    Nexxo Bargaining chip

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    These are two examples of what can give life value. They can be small things --they often are, life is in the details-- or big things like family. But we all need values, meaning and purpose.

    Frames glisten with
    honey, as angry bees sting
    bee keeping is life.


    Kind of a metaphor here. I keep bees. It is fairly demanding on a busy life --things must be done at a certain time-- and there is a lot of worry over things that can go wrong and you have no control over, from bad weather to parasites and disease to a poor laying queen to swarming at the wrong time, to getting stung. A lot. Some years, despite my best efforts, I get no honey at all. A colony may collapse and die due to a winter that was too wet and warm followed by spring too cold and late. But I persist; find a swarm and try again, and in other years, like magic, it all comes together and the hive you least expected to thrive produces some lovely, sweet honey, enough to keep you going for another few years. And it is all worth the effort and the stings. Because no honey tastes as good as your own honey, that has your dedication, skill, pain and sweatmin it.

    Everything of value comes at a cost. In order to get the value, we must accept that cost. But the value makes the cost worth it.

    Let Brexit go as
    you take a patient's hand; the
    price for awesomeness.


    Another metaphor. Brexit (you may have noticed) makes me really angry. Scared too. For a while I walked around hospital thinking: "I may have to leave: my job, my home. Why should I care about all these people who don't even want me here?". So when (as regularly happens) I was asked to do another evening appearance for a cancer support group talking about psychological support, I hesitated. I don't get paid for these gigs, they're not part of my job description, they come out of my spare time (which owing to a lot of unpaid overtime at work is scarce as it is). What's in it for me? If I am just a bargaining chip, why should I care about a population that voted majority Leave?

    But that anger didn't feel good. It felt ego-dystonic: not-like-me. I sensed it turning me into someone... I did not want to be. I remembered the words of the Wise Master*: "There is no charge for awesomeness." If you are going to be awesome, be awesome, and don't look back and don't expect anything in return. Because that's what makes it awesome. So I went, and I tried to be awesome. I consciously set aside my anger and my fear for a moment, and did what I do, with passion (and quite unexpectedly, this particular group of patients gave me a bottle of wine for my efforts).

    I am still worried and occasionally, still angry. But I try and notice it, and to let it pass through me without touching me; and to still be me, and be awesome and not charge for it. Because that is the cost of being awesome.
    In a life that is extremely difficult and challenging --and all your lives sound extremely difficult and challenging-- it can be hard to find anything to sustain you. Thing is: our brain is wired to seek contentment and happiness, but that is always variable; it comes and goes. Meaning however, is constant and endures. It is what gets you through the suffering, what makes it more tolerable. Whether it is a passion or interest, or principled values, or a connection to others; find your awesome. It is often hidden in the details. This won't guarantee happiness or prevent fear and suffering; quite the contrary sometimes: anything of value comes at a cost. But if you're going through hell, you need to keep going, and this gives you a roadmap, a compass heading and something to keep going for.

    I would recommend anyone to seek good mental health support. Don't just make do with what is on offer --if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't mean that your problem is unmanageable; it just means that the therapist or service is not the right fit for you. Keep looking.

    * Kung-Fu Panda, of course!
     
    Last edited: 15 Jul 2018
  4. Nexxo

    Nexxo Bargaining chip

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    If you won the lottery tomorrow --say a good £50 million-- what would you do? Run with the fantasy for a moment, and really elaborate on it.

    What does it tell you about your passions, your interests, your dreams, who and what you value in your life?
     
  5. Pete J

    Pete J RIP Teelzebub

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    Until I'd been through it, I never understood depression and why people couldn't just 'get over it'. I have those days where I wake up and I just can't be bothered to move as my brain whirrs away analysing the past, as though if I keep thinking about it, suddenly I'll come to some sort of solution and be able to change the past. Fortunately that only happens at the weekends now as I can focus on work and other things during the week.
    Bloody hell Si - I thought I was the biggest guy on Bit Tech! Yeah, I remember you years ago - doing very well, then life through you a pretty big curve ball. I remember you crashing the Audi. Three years eh? Means I've got another year and a half to go!
     
  6. Archtronics

    Archtronics Well-Known Member

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    To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. Friedrich Nietzsche

    I would echo what’s been said already, my only advice is if your struggling with motivation find the smallest thing you would be willing to do and start there.
    Oh and eat breakfast.
     
  7. true_gamer

    true_gamer Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, that was a hard time, as I just lost my Dad aged 55 to Cancer. his funeral was the day before my birthday. I decided to drive home the night of my birthday from Exeter back to Northampton (At that time) at 2am feeling angry and upset, that not one person in my family actually remembered my birthday, to even say the words, let alone a card... So driving home, I wasn't in any state, cruising in excess of 130mph~ because I felt selfish and could't care any less of the outcome whether I got caught, because at that point in my life, I felt I had nothing to live for.
    So on that journey home, I was sobbing whilst flying up the motorway, no traffic on the road, and then out of nowhere was a car cruising at 50mph in the second lane, so in the attempt to avoid them, I swerved hard to the third lane, tried to correct it, but ended up spinning out of control missing the central reservation, and continuing to spin across all three lanes, and finally came to a stop on the grass verge by the hard shoulder.
    The people in the other car just drove on by... So I got myself together and checked the car over, but there was minimal damage to the front underside of the bumper. So I continued my journey to the next services with the car bouncing/vibrating like mad from the flat spots on the tyres.
    As I pulled into the services, the other car was at the pumps, so I confronted them about them being in the middle lane and only travelling at 50mph, and the fact that they didn't even stop to see if I was OK... Assholes!

    So I got the wheels changed with those space saver rims, and got back on the road, and within 45mins at 55mph, I caught up with the same car, doing the exact same thing again...

    So that was a hair raising moment in my life, that could of had a very different outcome, so I feel that someone was watching over me that night. :)
     
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  8. Corky42

    Corky42 What did walle eat for breakfast?

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    Yea good luck with that, i know this is the line trotted out by people associated with your profession and i in no way mean to degenerate you, your profession, or anyone associated with mental health, but unfortunately just making do is all most people have.

    You're either forced to accept the first 'help' that comes along no matter how 'right' a therapist is for you or they decide you don't want 'help' or are faking it so they turn the screws ever tighter because the biopsychosocial model tells them they can 'fix' you by applying enough social pressure.

    Like i said i in no way mean to degenerate you, your profession, or anyone associated with mental health but being able to keep looking is just not an option for most people, it's either accept the support offered or we'll take everything away, and despite promises to put mental health on the same level as physical health nothing could be further from the truth.

    /rant
     
  9. Nexxo

    Nexxo Bargaining chip

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    It is certainly not easy. IAPT (primary psychological services) go through a stepped care approach so there is a sometimes tedious process of being assessed and re-assessed as you level up to the more specialist services. This is of course to do with lack of resources to meet demand. There are capable psychologists and psychotherapists, but they have waiting lists and it takes a while to get to them.

    My worry is that when the mental health care that people do manage to access doesn't help them, they think their problem can't be helped. It can, but they need the right kind of help for them. I agree that can be difficult to find.
     
    Last edited: 15 Jul 2018
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  10. RedFlames

    RedFlames ...is not a Belgian football team

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    Or you get fobbed off as 'Fat and Lazy' becuase to admit there's a problem would require effort and resources that they're unable/unwilling to devote to you.

    ...and because you've been dismissed, good luck getting anyone else to re-evaluate.
     
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  11. Anfield

    Anfield Well-Known Member

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    The biggest problem is when your problem prevents you from doing the necessary complaining to get them into gear, people with extreme anxiety for example are not going to complain when they get shuffled from the bottom of one waiting list to the bottom of another...

    Not to delve too deep into my past but I got lucky when my GP went far above and beyond what he was required to do to make stuff happen, because there is nothing more off putting than having to hear "someone will get back to you in a couple of weeks".
     
  12. Pete J

    Pete J RIP Teelzebub

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    I ****ing hate having BPD. Reliving painful moments of my life over and over, freaking people out with comments I remember them making ages ago and they'd forgotten about, the paranoia of others' motives.

    Sod this, I'm booking a private therapist. NHS takes too bloody long to do anything and the poor people working there have stupid stats and figures to work to. For mental illnesses. Nice one.
     
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  13. Pookie

    Pookie So this is permanence, love's shattered pride.

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    I go through very dark phases and have horrible thoughts, but my girls need me and that’s what gives me strength to get out of bed each day and be the best I can. But as others have already said you must look after yourself, try to eat good food and do exercise.

    The gym is expensive but even just going for a 30 minute walk works wonders, I bet there’s some nice places near by you could go for some quiet time. I know I carry some PTSD from Sophie’s early days but I can’t bring myself to confide in anyone. Counselling isn’t for everyone but you can make your own therapy to help.

    You may not feel it but you are loved by many and very much needed so chin up, deep breath, and keep moving forward.
     
  14. RedFlames

    RedFlames ...is not a Belgian football team

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    Atm too effing right i do... tired of juggling metaphorical chainsaws... and getting stitched up by people who claim to be friends...
     

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