This might be the wrong area but im so bloody annoyed with them to the point I don't know why my mum moved in with her fiancee the other side of the country (we all had to move) they argued before but were generally happy (seeing each other each weekend) now we've moved in its constant, my mum makes a small joke about something petty he goes off in a rage at her making her feel bad and unhappy then he blames her for being unhappy and then again for him having a go at her etc.. Everything that happens seems to be her fault when it blatantly was his for being such a dick and taking everything seriously, like him being drunk after they went out and him looking to cause arguments as he cant handle his drink at all.. Sorry if this just seems like a rant but I'm pissed off so much right now with them.. But anyway here is what I'm wondering Is there anything I can say to them that doesn't seem offensive to either of them to hopefully stop their arguments over petty things which usually is his fault yet he blames others (and dont suggest violence as that will just get me kicked out xD) Anyway any guys or girls here know anything that can hopefully stop the situation?
Really sorry to hear that. Souds like a terribly hurtful cycle. Has your mum got any really close friends that she can easily contact regularly to gain some perspective? Obviously there are issues that need to be dealt with and not having any idea what they are, I would suggest that they learn how to live together and communicate. There is a breakdown somewhere and perhaps neither person understands why the other does what they do. If they grew to really understand eachother and had better communication the problem could go away,your mums partner and her need to talk to an outsider about this and gain perspective on the matter. This is only my opinion by the way, I am not in anyway qualified to give advice, so if you think this may not help then don't listen to me as I don't really know whats happening, but I do hope things start to change for you soon and that your mum and partener will be able to understand eathother and have a deeper relationship because of it.
Hmm could try mentioning a relationship councilor or just try talking to them myself about it, with the friends thing as we've just moved here she doesnt really have anyone, most of the people we know are his family and friends which is a huge shame and at work there are only 2 boys working at the same area as her other than the reception etc. Either way thanks for the help and I'll try talking to them later
If they aren't receptive to some counseling, getting some for yourself is a good idea. It doesn't sound like a good situation at all.
Can she not call some friends? She shouldnt be alienated like that, it's not healthy not to have anyone for situations like this.
Sounds like the dude has some really bad personality issues and is not fit for a relationship, especially not one which is bordering on marriage.
Some real wishy washy answers so far, well done guys. Don't get involved, it's up to your mum to wise up and do what's right, ie. leave him or tell her how all this makes you feel, maybe some drama emo style, tell her it makes you want to cut yourself (tell her but dont fecking do it though) She sound's dumb enough to manipulate this way. Maybe she leaves and you get to have a nice life. Hope it turns out well, LeM.
Stay the hell out of it. Avoid it at all costs. My mother has dated a lot of similar, and equally stupid, blokes. Fully admit that my mother and I have a rather high chance of having a relationship worlds apart to yours and your mother, but getting involved is really, really, not a great idea. Either your mother gets angry at the idea that you know better than her, and this causes a rift between the two of you, or her (apparently) less than charming partner finds out and takes it out on you - Self preservation and all that. It sounds selfish, but honestly, your mother is an adult, and ought to be allowed to make her own decisions. You getting involved has the potential to go horribly wrong. Feel free to think "Wow. You are a bitter husk of a guy, and I shall ignore you" but I'd urge you at least contemplate the potential outcomes of you saying anything.
Argh well this is gonna light the fire again.. last night he was complaining of her being unhappy.. He was out all day with his friends drinking etc.. his friends wife invites my mum out she goes.. now hes pissed that shes out having fun shouting at me about how "shes out with my friends" then slams the door infront of me... Hopefully he'll be asleep by the time she gets home, i'll let her in etc and hopefully as hes ****ing drunk (you can smell it on him) he will forget all about this in the morning..
http://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/default.aspx http://telephonehelplines.conscia.co.uk/search-results.aspx?header=Family and Parents&tlid=1537 Talk to a professional, they are far better equipped to help. Don't feel stupid for doing it, if you don't try you won't know.
This. On top of that, Relate do a counselling service for individuals, partners, and families (so any combination of you), and if there's anything ever seriously wrong, I know that MIND do a self-refer, so if you get too down over this, you can get some advice from there (or better yet, point your mum in the direction). You could even try getting in touch with something like Social Services if it gets too much, as this could drag on for months, to the point where emotional abuse kicks in hard. Course, that depends on Social Services being any good in your area. Some are great - others, not so.
+1 +rep +you do it! Get professional help, the sooner the better. Don't feel like a pansy doing it either because while you may think it will not help, in the long run it probably will.
Ok update I found out what it was about tonight, it was nothing to do with my mum However I'm still debating to follow bindi's advice and give childline a call and see what they soon over the next few days when im home alone (sister starts school wednesday and mum and scott (her partner) are at work) Tonight it was about how his friends when they all left said they were going home but instead went to meet their wifes and partners (who were with my mum) However its still getting to me about it all and my younger sister who is 10 she text's me (im upstairs on my own here) when stuff happens.. Either way thanks for all the help people its greatly appreciated
You, your sis, and your mum need to leave ASAP. You don't have to go back where you came from, but that might be the easiest & best option? I wouldn't suggest either you or your mum wasting another minute with this psycho, it seems that even his friends don't want to be around him. One option is to talk to your friends and family back where you came from, tell them everything, and ask for help, if your mum isn't willing to go back just yet that is. There are women that just stay in a destructive relationship, trying to make it work no matter what, and these women can need alot of support and encouragement to do what everyone knows is best.
I think you should get out of there with your mum/sister asap. An asshole is one thing, an asshole that's drunk is another thing. But the safest bet would be to call the numbers Bindi posted.
Ok sorry to bump this up, but after a few months of it being quiet, today when i went to see my dad he started a argument about how my mum wanted to be on time and he even called him a d**khead infront of my sister, I want to mention to him how it's not right etc and if it was me calling his dad that how he wouldnt accept it but i dont know how to start it off (im useless at that stuff) So im wondering If anyone here has a idea about possiby starting off just getting to talk to him on his own to mention it all to him so yeah any help will be greatly appreciated.
well we aint exactally his children, but thanks for the suggestion, my problem is starting to talk to him on the subject tbh. Cause i can just see him getting in a rage over it but I think it needs to be done :/
