Rant Bodily functions that bug the crap out of you?

Ok, so for me, it's when people try to get rid of phlegm, and make the most amount of noise possible. I find it strange how I never have phlehm stuck in my throat and never need to make that noise, and any time I do have phlegm I just sniff it back and spit it out.

What else do people do that annoys the hell out of you? Fart next to you in an elevator (guilty), when your boss goes and takes a massive dump in the toilet just as he gets to work, and stinks out the toilet, and doesn't scrub the toilet clean? etc etc

 

We had a guy - the Thundershitter - in our old Ascot office who'd very literally **** out something the size and thickness of an arm. No joke, the thing was HUGE, and naturally such a log wouldn't flush. It would just sit there creeping gently out the pan up to the rim. He must have had to stand up to get it to drop out.

It only happened once every week or so, so he must have been holding it in for some time, but those moments were notable. Like the men we are, we all had to take a look as well. It was just that unbelievable. (Joe used to have a picture!)

That was pretty damn high on the disgusting scale, as there was only two cubicals and being largely outside of the water, it stunk the place out.

 

Have you seen the south park episode,

 

do people scrub the toliet at work after a big job??

 

They should if it doesn't flush. There's someone here that keeps droping an unflushable log, it can get quite nasty.

 

I have a good friend at work who has the most annoying cough, which he seems to have all year round.
It isn't like a proper cough it's more like a single bark that happens every 10 minutes or so.
After a while you zone it out, just like road noise but every now and then he'll catch you unawares and it's enough to make you spill you tea.
He reminds me of Bob Fleming.

 

In the middle east there are many people from the sub continent. They seem do the whole phlegm spitting thing far more often than other people. Incredibly disgusting.

The guy I work with also slurps his tea very loudly. Oh My God. I hate tea slurpling, I usually go to the bathroom and sit down for 5 minutes when he has his tea, i just can't stand it.

He is pretty much a manifestation of EVERY disgusting habit. Eat's loudly, slurps his tea, coughs all day, leans right over me (he stinks too) when he comes over to my desk to point at the monitor, leans on my chair when I am sitting it which causes it to sink/swivel/ generall piss the **** out of me all while scratching his balls. He has also burped in my face while talking to me. He has his mates come in a few times a day and they just talk, sometimes whisper, but thats just more annoying. He also never opens the door when people ring the bell (those without key cards) even though I get up to do it like a dozen times a day. He has 2 mobile phones which go off about 30 times each a day and his work landline the same number. He will always answer the phone (or just make a call) when he is right in the middle of talking to you.

He doesn't say please, he doesnt say thank you, he doesnt say your name when he is talking to you so you don't know if he is talking to you or not, he doesn't even usually say what the **** he is talking about and uses general terms like this one and that one, he doesn't explain himself and quite often he will just walk over to my desk and put stuff on it and leave it there or he'll stand there for 5 minutes looking at it then just walk away. He also thinks delegation is asking me to do some work and then standing behind me narrating it. Quite often he has to do this because he can't explain himself (see use of generalities) and other times I'm sure its because he can't really work a computer.

But at least he doesn;t seem to notice the amount of time I spend ranting about him on the internet while at work.


I want a new job.

 

HA, speaking of a cough like a bark; My one thing my neighbour does that drives me mad is when all is quite, and he sneezes like that. It's just .......AHH!!!!!..., I mean as if a gun has just gone off. Makes you **** bricks if you're not used to it. Dunno how I manage to stop myself from pretending to do it right back to make a point. Not that the thick as bricks oaf would even get it.

 

People that pee/poop stupidly often.

Guy in my office poops at least twice a day, and urinates more than anyone I've ever known.

It's probable that some of the pee breaks are just "Avoid the phone" trips, but when he craps he craps. Smells like something died in the walls. There's no ventilation either, so unless the door gets left open over night it just becomes this stale stench.

 

Be mindful of people with loud sneezes! I'm one of them, and I can say without a doubt that it not only is extremely difficult not to sneeze loudly, but also very painful.

More to the topic however: people whom either don't close the door when their using the restroom, or don't wash their hands (or do either, as is the case for most of my co-workers). I honestly cannot hold any respect for those who do either.

 

Hey now. I don't close the door.


When I'm the only one in the building >.>

 

But when there are rather a lot of people working directly around the washroom, that is a problem. A co-worker said, when confronted about it, that it was like "urinating in a convertible". Funny as it may be, I don't really want to see you doing that while I'm trying to work.

 

The sounds of people having sex either in the next room over, or in one case while in a Uni dorm room, in the bed 2ft away from me.

 

nothing worse than people

bloody people, walking around, doing stuff, saying stuff. people get right on my nerves

 

Two things REALLY piss me off:

1) Not holding the door open for someone. There should be marked zones on the floor in front of every door - if anyone is within this area when someone else is going through the door, they are legally required to hold the door open, under penalty of death.

2) Not putting down a divider on the conveyor belt at a supermarket checkout after your stuff. If this happens, I usually make a point of reaching right across the offending person whilst loudly exclaiming 'EXCUSE ME!' to get one. Again, this should be a legal requirement; the penalty for failing to abide is to be beaten to death - with a divider.

And I've just realised that these aren't bodily functions .

 

So true. I could move planets out of their orbit when I sneeze, especially during allergies seasons. Sometimes I can't feel it coming at all but it's still very violent. The good side is that when it doesn't hurt, the relief is great. However when it does hurt, it hurts a lot ...

As mentioned above, I hate people who talk with their mouth full. I do talk, if necessary, while eating but there is a way to do it discretely.

 

i hate to try to sleep in a room with someone who snores (eg. on trips and youth hostel), since i can't get to sleep listening to them.

but the thing is, i also snores a little. so basically i can't sleep and awake in the same room as me.

 

Seconded!!!


And getting out of your seat to offer it to ANY woman, not just pregnant, elderly, or with children.
Is this not how we were raised? I used to get caned by my parents if i didn't do these things!


and this http://forums.bit-tech.net/showthread.php?t=194650

 

I hate shaving. I remember when I was in my teens and couldn't wait to start shaving properly, but now after 20 years of it I hate it. I have sensitive skin on my face and feel pretty raw after a shave every time, so it's a chore I could do without. I tried growing a beard, but the missus didn't appreciate it. The stubble grows back quick too, so I have to shave every day. I even have to shave twice a day if I am going somewhere special in the evening.

 

Oh god I move in on Sunday, I'm going to get this!
Hopefully ill be doing it back though...