Education Cheating, Have you ever?

Nope.

Never have. Been with the current missus for 3 years, and still have one-gina.

That's not saying I don't see how it could happen. I do. I also have a hardline stance against cheating, and thus can't do the double-standards thing.

When I was single, I was pretty much permanently in one or more "open relationships" that basically consisted of "I'm drunk... fancy a shag?".
They were fun. However, when you enter a relationship, you makea commitment. If you find that commitment to falter, it's time to end.

 

Can't say that I have, I've been put in situations where I could have. But I'm very much a man who values his honour code over everything else.

Which man isn't? I came out the forces and was described as "a right hound" by my best-friend. At which point it stopped, I refuse to mess about outside of relationships. Been with my current girl just over a month (aww) we don't see each other alot due to work (bah) but I don't even look to anyone else.

Cheating is betraying, to betray lists you as a traitor, traitors have the worst circle of hell to suffer >.< muhaha.

 

Here's 1 for you.

My life, @ Late 16 I met my first proper girlfriend (I say this as much before this you have the one night stands, ones that last a week/month. Some girlfriend material, others a bit of fun etc.)
Anyway this relationship was on and off for nearly 2yrs. (First year no probs).
Now my Ex girlfriend got a job where 1 of my friends (So called friends!!) worked.
I worked nights then. 1 night I decided to leave work early to go back to my girlfriends parents house where I was living. To my surprise I walked in on my girlfriend in bed with my mate. (Gutted!!). So a few days later I met up with her best friend. Gave her a good seeing too to get back at my Ex. Now she found out, and as it goes she got jealous about it and...
We got back together (Dumb idea you may say, but I loved her.) Now after someone does this to you, you can't ever look at them the same way!! Now they say; you can forgive, but you will never forget!!.
6 months later, I was out with my friends in the pub. Later they where going to meet up with their girlfriends. I decided I was going to go home...till they nearly gang raped me in the pub lol...so I decided to come along with them. We went to another pub where we meet up with their girlfriends. When we got there, their was this girl that was OMG drop dead gorgeous (She should of been the centre page of the playboy mag.) Now I thought 'She is way out of my league'. So I just carried on drinking with my friends. Then she comes over and said 'are you going to buy me a drink?' Now I turn around and her tits are in my face WOW. (I nearly pre ejaculated lol). I looked up and said sorry I didn't intend to look straight at your...She said so are you going to get me a drink....Come the end of the night we exchanged no. After the night I went back to my Ex (which at that time I was still with her). Next day I got a text asking to meet up with the girl from the previous night. So I agreed and we meet up down the beach. We where sat down there for about an hr in the car, then my Ex turns up (Which at that time I was still with her).
She comes up to my car and said "who's that in your car? I replied " Who are you? she replied "Simon what are you on" I replied "Sorry I don't know you" On that note, I did the window up and drove off. The girl in my car (Kirsty) asked me who was that? I said "A stalker"
To some of you, you may have found that a bit harsh. But my Ex did cheat on me with my friend and that was the last I saw of my EX.
Now nearly 9yrs on I'm still with the same girl (Kirsty) I met that night with a 2yr old daughter living happily ever after.

Cheers for reading,

Simon.

 

Wait, what?

Er, wow. You got lucky.

The general consensus here seems to be, if you're cheating whilst sober then it's worth it.

I tend to agree but only because it means that the current relationship is over. I know I have never, and would never do anything while in a relationship, even if it "felt right" or my relationship was rocky anyway. I would be compelled to end it before fooling around. Also, I don't really get into relationships easily - I need to get to know people before committing. That might have something to do with my POV.

 

Been cheated on, never cheated on.

My apathy was pretty high, though, which is probably a problem.

 

Well that just sucks

I've never cheated on anyone, been cheated on in every single (monogamous) relationship I've had though... Had quite a few open relationships which just happened to go that way as I knew I wasn't in the right frame of mind for monogamy at the time. As long as you're honest and both sides want the same thing I think they work fine. Slightly wary of the group of my friends who have now decided they are poly though, I don't think deliberately going out looking for poly relationships necessarily works. If it turns out that way, fine. Seeking it out though tends to get people hurt as far as I've seen.

Amusingly for years I was known as "home wrecker" by a lot of girls. I never set out to wreck any relationships, but I have a fair few stories of male friends dumping their long-term girlfriends just because I spoke to them one night (seriously, it amazes me how nuts some blokes seem to be). As for never 'poking' your best mates. Pretty much every relationship I've had has been with the person who was my best friend at the time. Never gone out with a stranger. I'm still friends with all my ex's now too.

Hell, tbh I'm just awesome (Obviously this is why everyone cheats on me...)

 

I don't understand how people manage that. It just makes no sense to me. Then again, I'm usually the dumpee and not the dumper, so to speak. Perhaps it's different the other way around.

 

If a relationship fails, it doesn't automatically mean that you have to stop being friends with your ex. I think being able to remain friends with ex'es shows maturity and respect. Relationships fail for many reasons, and sulking about it does no good for you, your morale or your confidence. Being able to walk away from a relationship, whether or not you are dumped, and not fall into the cold shoulder games, is something that comes with maturity.

 

Agree and Disagree there.

I am freinds with my one (long term), and i passionately hate the other.

In both cases, I know it wasn't a particularly nice breakup, and all the "mistakes" flooded back. I needed a break from the respective person to sort out my feelings. Me and my ex only became friends again (without any awkwardness) almost two years after we stopped dating, when we met at a mutual friend's birthday party and found that we had both moved on and (funnily enough) grown in completely different ways.

The other ex I am bitter about, but that's a discussion for another time. I am civil to her when I see her. It's her that can't handle seeing me happy.

 

I understand your point, and it does make sense, but when a relationship ends, it's either because they've cheated on me - I refuse to trust them at that point, and I don't see a reason why I should consider them trust worthy - or because we've grown apart.

There is, usually, very little reason for my ex's and I to keep in touch - Our common grounds are often very few and far between.

Last one, for example, was taking a masters in creative writing. She enjoyed writing, Tudor-esque court drama, and some other similarly dimensioned things. God knows how we got together, but it went south the weekend were she suggested we go to a gay bar, and I suggested I'd rather not (I could probably have been more charming about the idea, but.. If you've met me and know me, you'd know very well that certain places are not my scene), so off she went with her friends to aforementioned gay bar, and I trundled off to Foremans (A punk bar in Nottingham), and had a very good night indeed. Yes, loud music was a constant between the two, but it was music I enjoyed rather than music I wouldn't (She described it and played a few tracks that were likely to be on. Not my thing in any sense).

It wasn't so much a concious decision to stop speaking to her, we just had no reason to.

There's only been one girl I deliberately cut off, and she was my first "proper" girlfriend. We'd been going out for just over a year when I found out she cheated on me twice. She didn't just betray my trust, in my opinion she took it utterly for granted and ended up throwing it away - At the time she enjoyed going out to the pub (Zomg, underage drinking!) where as I didn't, so we just did our own thing. Yes, we did go out together fairly regularly, but it wouldn't be uncommon for me to hang out with my friends drinking at home and gaming, and for her to be in the pub, drinking with her friends and.. Whatever they did there.

I was, after a year of being with her, emotionally devastated by the entire thing, and about a week after getting over the initial shock and distress, decided it would be best for my sanity not to carry on being her friend, as I didn't think I could deal with watching her move on - Which incidentally, she did, about two weeks later - while I still had feelings for her. Not long after that I quit school, went to college and did an IT course (We previously had common ground in terms of being interested in English, History, and sociology, in fact, she was the first person I bought a present for that I knew what to buy. First edition of Byrons completed works, I forget the printing year, it was old though). Needless to say, we never crossed paths after that. I do see her in town on occasion, but I doubt she recognises me any more.

Most of the time breakups for me are fairly amicable, but we never keep in touch, and never seem to have a reason to either.

 

^^ This is also very true.
While Ex No 1 and Myself are friends nowadays, she also spends most of her time in a remote place of the world, and is a complete hippie nowadays (as liratheal said: "If you knew me, you'd know..."). When she's in town, she calls, we hang out a bit, and then go our ways again. Social circles hardly ever mix with her.

 

Hmm... I'm the moral idiot that always feels guilty about everything for no reason. I don't have it in me to cheat though if she was being really difficult I would try to guilt trip her, which would later just make me feel guilty anways. Hell my only real girlfriend who I was with for almost 4 years cheated on me and once I found out through my friend who she cheated with I walked away from it. She couldn't even tell me herself, had to find out through my friend. I felt guilty just walking out no explanation or anything but it was her own fault.

took a whole to start talking to my ex again, over a year but she invited me to a few of her high school parties and when I see her its not wierd or anything though I'm still upset about the whole thing even though it was years ago.

 

I have the same views on cheating as most here. It is never acceptable. An open relationship isn't really a relationship...

I did once almost leave a girlfriend for another girl. Yay for the internet making things complicated. I found a friend that I hadn't talked to in 10 years. Talking got pretty serious but never physical to even kiss. I wouldn't let myself as much as I wanted to. I told her I'd leave my current before anything more happened with her which seemed to make her want me more actually. It just didn't seem worth it to hurt my current for her.

On the other hand, other opportunities have arisen that I regret not taking. I was in a relationship and loved the girl to death. Five years later I've accepted that I'll probably always love her even though I hate her for how she treated me at the end. That's a long story that I'll not get into but while I was with her, the job that I had required me to do some traveling. I was in Florida once, I went to one of the bars there with a bunch of the people from that office. The bartender was absolutely gorgeous, type that I would normally consider out of my league and not bother chatting to. She kept coming back to me and talking and flirting and kept saying how she loved my accent(southern). I thought she was just fishing for tips until she offered to give me a ride back to my hotel at the end of the night, emphasis on ride. Another state, no way my girl at the time would have possibly ever known but I turned her down. oh well...

 

If your cheating then its obvious that the relationship your in is not working and you need to move on,I myself have never and would never cheat when you have found the right partner and look at other women (or men if your a woman)all you see is your partner when you look at them well thats how it is for me. In my opinion cheating is wrong if you feel trapped or are not happy in a relationship tell your partner you have a voice use it talking often helps mend problems and be honest dont hide things or bottle things up

 

Are you REALLY a female? You're almost too logical to be one.

 

Sorry for the late reply, I haven't been on since posting


The answer's easy, if you don't click with someone and you've realised you don't click with someone, you try to click with someone else

 

Long stories short:

- Would never cheat
- Been on receiving end more times than I want to remember in my decade of decadence
- Intense distrust of women

One word of advice I would give, is once you find they've cheated, don't forgive them. It will almost never work out in the end.

 

great advise there, Painful but truthful.

 

Same here on all the above points!

I've been cheated on before possibly twice but only had proof the first time! And I never forgave her, nor ever would... 2nd time I had no proof but I had a gut feeling and the guys brother who I also know told me that his brother (my so called mate of 25 years) and my ex were sort of seeing each other, and I believed him as they seemed a bit too close for my liking to say they were only supposed to be friends!

Needless to say I've been with my girlfriend/fiancee for just over 3 years now and we have an 18 month old baby and I'm pretty happy but that intense distrust of women is still there (yes even after 3 years with my fiancee) but it's slowly but surely going away, I get the urge to check her phone every now and then (and I did check for the first 2 years of the relationship!!) for any evidence of her potentially cheating, because I felt I had to make sure I wasn't being taken for a mug yet again...

I know it's bad but once bitten twice shy, get bitten twice and it seriously f*cks your head up..

I feel this one I'm with now won't cheat but you never know for certain what goes on when your not with them.

See what I mean when I say it seriously f*cks your head up

 

Just got a text from my best M8,

"I got laid last night and she had a boyfriend"

How does this make me feel? Makes me sick! Makes me want to disconnect from him when i have a relationship going for his own health, Guess she's going to use the "i was drunk excuse" freaking typical...

oh wells