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Considering seeing an escort. Right or Wrong, or neither Thoughts?

Discussion in 'Serious' started by AcidJiles, 5 Oct 2010.

  1. AcidJiles

    AcidJiles New Member

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    After seeing Elladan's post and the mature response decided this was a place to discuss this.

    I am 24 never had sex and only once had a very short term girlfriend (only 2 kisses total activity). To be clear I'm a nice guy (and I'm not claiming that without good reason) romantic who thinks cheating, and lying about certain things within a relationship to be horrible etc etc . I am considering going to see an escort (by this i mean a mid-high level one who isn't on drugs is not being forced, who has their own place where they entertain clients and at least to some extent is likely to enjoy some of their work). From other dicussions on punting forums who have pros in attendance this seems to the case that if you choose wisely and pay a reasonable amount the women enjoy their work and do it out of choice etc etc.

    Not interested in a drunken one night stand, for starters I don't drink and for me I would rather a full emotional relationship or just sex not a quasi non clear thing in between with someone not fully in control. Apart from the fact I don't have the short term chat up skills to get one. Seeming an escort also seems more honest, you know what your getting and so do they. This quote express a bit of what I mean. “I have felt more guilt after one-nightstands than I have felt after going to a prostitute,” says Sam. “As long as prostitution is done in a legal and consensual way, there is almost more honesty in it than in picking up a girl in a bar, where you are toying with people’s emotions and giving false impressions in order to get something physical.”

    Had this discussion on several other forums, but they were american and would prefer a british perspective on this. My query was no so much about the morals of it, I am generally of the opinion that what people choose to do with other adults is their business etc etc. Although I would welcome any constructive agruments for or against it on moral grounds (excluding religious beliefs pls). It was about why for some women it was a dealbreaker.

    The discusions boiled down to there being two types of women I will have meaningful relationships with in the future, for those who it would be a deal breaker and those who would accept it. Sort of leaning towards if a woman couldn't accept this then she wouldn't be for me. For I would be accepting of many things that had taken place before or accept that somethings need not be told. Current thoughts lean to not telling if I thought they wouldn't accept but if at all possible telling if I don't think it will ruin things although would prefer to tell the truth if at all possible and not have to lie.

    Many people on the forums felt that what happen before in a sex life can stay in the past without a problem as long as no health risks involved (obviously I would get checked before sleeping with a new partner if I go through with it). Only issue with this is as its the first time this often comes up as an anecdote and with my first real relationship that leads to sex it would come up as to whether I was a virgin or not. So I can either lie, tell the truth or if lucky talk around it.

    What are your thoughts on the subject (morally or relating to how it will be seen in future relationships), anyone done anything similar or have people they know done this? What were their experiences etc etc?

    If anything within this is unclear please let me know and I will clarify.

    Thank you for your thoughts.
     
  2. mvagusta

    mvagusta Did a skid that went for two weeks.

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    Well picking up girls doesn't have to be dishonest, it can simply be being friendly, cheeky and flirty, completely honest, but like you said, if you don't know how to do that, an escort is a quick and easy way to go about it.... not that it's too late to learn how to attract a girl... there are a couple of threads about it actually...

    I'll take a stab in the dark and mention that it seems you are a little low in self esteem... not just because of your success rate with the girls, but also because you are seeking for approval from multiple forums about seeing an escort.

    But since you are 24, I can understand not wanting to wait any longer. The only advice I can give you, is if you can't be bothered waiting, and just wanna do it, then do it. Just do yourself a favour, and decide on a limit, such as once per month, or once a year.
    I wouldn't want to let things get to the stage, where i'd be just encouraging myself to not bother getting into a relationship with a girl, by just seeing an escort anytime i'm feeling lonely or horny... and I definitely wouldn't want to end up falling for the escort :worried:
    So actually, if you end up going again one day... see a different girl!
     
  3. AcidJiles

    AcidJiles New Member

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    I don't think it always has be dishonest but I would rather have the full emotional experience or not very much at all. If I thought a woman was nice enough to chat up and then worth sleeping with I would want to see them on a regular basis and don't know how I could see past that. With an escort the end is defined there are no thoughts about should I ring etc etc, you get what you came for and nothing more.

    I seek advice from multiple forums as unfortunately this isn't an issue I can readily discuss in an non anonymous fashion with people (without people forming opinions, looks etc etc). I have spoken to close friend who is of generally of the same opinion as me about it although he wouldn't do it himself.

    I don't look for approval, just wanting to gain an understanding of how something is viewed which I did not previously have a lot of knowledge on (apart from general stereotypes). Even if I don't go through with it I will leave with a lot greater knowledge on a part our society little talked about.

    I also want to do something outside my comfort zone, I don't drink, do drugs, smoke etc etc and don't really want to, but I do want to have sex and this would be that, do something you that doesn't comform to what you would regard as your norm.
     
  4. specofdust

    specofdust Banned

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    So basically, you want to get laid, but you don't want to be involved in the one night stand culture, and you think it's dishonest and/or undesirable to persue a quasi relationship with some random girl.

    You could go for it I suppose, nothing wrong with seeing a prostitute in my eyes (although society at large will think you're scum for it if you tell them). Perhaps you'd be better off looking for a like minded individual on some "adult encounters" section of gumtree or craigslist or whatever your regional variant is though? I've got a mate who actually found someone who just wanted one-off sex and he seemed happy enough with how that worked out. Cheaper, less risk of guilt or unhappyness afterwards I'd guess, and just as controllable.
     
  5. AcidJiles

    AcidJiles New Member

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    I thought society had moved on a bit and become more accepting of peoples choices, or is it still stuck in the past when it comes to this sort of thing?
     
  6. specofdust

    specofdust Banned

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    Depends which society you live in I suppose. I'm in the UK and it's definitely still largely stuck in the past.
     
  7. BentAnat

    BentAnat Software Dev

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    Difficult for me to relate here, admittedly.
    However, I'd always suggest the picking someone up in a club (there's more than enough consensual, clean adult ladies out there looking to get lucky without strings), or finding a GF.
    There's entire threads about the social skills around these forums (always involving "the Love Doctor" - a.k.a. MVAgusta).

    However, at the end of the day, it's really just about what you feel is right.
    As for the future msisus possibly not liking the thought, the question is: Would you be ok with her (whoever she might be) telling you the same thing? If you can answer "yes", then she probably shouldn't have issues with it either.

    As fro public perception: Who'd klnow? It's not like you'd go to your mates and tell them, is it? Not exactly the kind of thing I could imagine people bragging about...
     
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  8. AcidJiles

    AcidJiles New Member

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    UK too, thought we would be a bit more accepting than the US. We seem to accept millions of people having one night stands every week at varying levels of complicity (due to alcohol drugs etc) and yet to pay for consensual sex seems to be a step below that.
     
  9. AcidJiles

    AcidJiles New Member

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    I could accept her seeing one or having one night stands which I generally see as being quite similar.

    No I wouldn't tell anyone except possibly a future misses or a close friend. In relation to societies perceptian its more about how women in general feel about this and whether its a dealbreakers or not. Although its always interesting to have a discussion and see people's ideas about a subject not often talked about.
     
  10. ChromeX

    ChromeX New Member

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    I think most people will naturally assume if you say escort they'll think hooker or prostitute and all the negative connotations that come with it. Best to keep it to yourself really, I wouldn't tell anyone. Not because it might be seen as shameful, but because what I do in my sex life, and who I do it with, is my own business and not something I like to bring up as a topic of polite conversation.

    You make a point about wondering if you should tell your future partner if you slept with an escort. It's a tough one, as has been stated what happens in the past should stay in the past so long as you have a clean bill of sexual health. But depending on the woman; I'd be inclined to tell her, if you were talking about your first times together. Just tell her what you did and why.
     
  11. Booga

    Booga Cuppa tea anyone?

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    When I was single I put one of those adds in the papers and met a few girls, some of whom were decent enough.
    I never had more than a couple of dates but there was definately potential to take at least a couple of the relationships further.

    I there is absolutely nothing wrong with using 'escorts' as some people have said there is a stigma attached, which to me is just silly.

    As for telling any future partner, why would you? It is likey she would not be so forth coming about her past.
     
  12. Burnout21

    Burnout21 Is the daddy!

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    sorry but asking in a tech/gaming forum isn't exactly the best place, considering most of us geeks tend to A) find it difficult to engage in verbal communication with the other sex, and B) if she lets us have sex we pretty much fall completely in love and refuse to leave until the judge signs the restraining order.


    So to the question of using an escort being right or wrong, i have to ask 'what do you want afterwards'. You have to see it that once you've popped your cherry will it actually change you?
    Do you think afterwards you will no longer objectify sex, but actually become more outwardly going and enable yourself to communicate with the ladies.


    Ultimately seeing a call girl might deal with that itch that needs scratching, but it will still leave you with the fundamental problems to still face with trying to form a real relationship.
     
  13. AcidJiles

    AcidJiles New Member

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    Already asked in a dating relationship forums but not big enough forums in the uk that I could find so decided to ask here aswell. Just to see an english perspective even if there arent huge numbers of women.
     
  14. MaverickWill

    MaverickWill Dirty CPC Mackem

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    Not wanting to jump the gun here and go all tangential, but have you tried checking out dating sites?

    Particularly of note (for me, at least) were free ones, such as PlentyOfFish - that way, if nothing came of it, you hadn't sent £100 off to a bunch of admins who were revelling in your single status. Plus, you get to browse through women, see what they're like (inside and out), have a bit of banter, and if all goes well, leg very much over.

    I guess I'm guiding down this path because for me (and maybe I'm not as progressively-thinking as I considered myself) there's a distinction between a girl who'll go home with you willingly (although I'd stop before "blind stinking drunk" - the girl's got to be very aware of what's going on!), and one who'll only do it once you've given her money. It's just not something that sits right with me, though I do understand why it happens, and I'm not judging people for it.

    Hope I've not put too much of a downer on your situation, fella. Whoever you go for, give them one from me, will ya?
     
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  15. Nexxo

    Nexxo Queue Jumper

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    Wait until you get a girlfriend. Your first sex should be good, and that can only happen in an emotionally meaningful relationship.

    Seeing a prostitute is fine (it is the oldest profession), and can even be fun, but it won't be good. Something tells me that you are looking for more than just getting your rocks off. As soon as the orgasm has worn off, it will leave you feeling emotionally empty.
     
  16. AcidJiles

    AcidJiles New Member

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    Tried sites before to no avail when I was in the right place for a relationship now I'm not but want to do something and not a fan of the half way house one night stand thing.
     
  17. AcidJiles

    AcidJiles New Member

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    What do you mean by good? Im sure there is a different between good sex (can be with no emotion) and making love (with the emotion etc). Im sure making love is better than any good sex but hell of a lot harder to come by and requires a relationship. Something im not in the right mind for atm.
     
  18. Jedra

    Jedra Supermodel

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    First of all, I would probably tend towards advising you not to use an escort for your first encounter. From reading your post you are already worrying about how you might explain it, which tends to make me think that you yourself may regret it it the future. If however I am wrong about this then go ahead and do it - I would be a little careful about who you tell though - it might have to be your little secret. In my experience it is not so much society that has a problem with it, but it is the kind of thing that works away in a woman's brain giving her cause for doubt.

    Speaking from experience I can tell you that an encounter with an escort is not an emotional thing, it is purely physical. If you are expecting any emotional response or feelings from the experience then you had best avoid it until you yourself are more experienced.

    Someone suggested online dating - this I have also use many times in the past to varying degrees of success. As long as you go into it with a fairly relaxed attitude then you might find it rewarding. At times you do have to be a bit thick-skinned though. I know online dating works sometimes as my mother has been happily married for six years with someone she met using exactly this method!

    At the end of the day the best method of meeting someone is through normal social interaction. It does not have to be about going on the lash or having one night stands though. I have met and dated a number of girls in the past just by getting to know them either at work related social activities or via friends.

    I do wish you all the best - don't give up!
     
  19. supermonkey

    supermonkey Deal with it

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    Interestingly some of this discussion has talked about whether or not it is (or should be) socially acceptable to hire a prostitute for sex. What I don't see - or maybe I missed it - is why you feel the need to lose your virginity. Perhaps one of the flip sides to society's low opinion of prostitution is its low opinion of virgins over the age of 16.

    Enjoy life, and do what makes you happy. When you find the right girl, the sex will at least mean something. And if she's the right girl for you, she won't care how long you've been a virgin.
     
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  20. Nexxo

    Nexxo Queue Jumper

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    The problem is that you are not an informed customer, so to speak. If you already had experience of making love (i.e. meaningful sex in a relationship) you would be able to put casual sex into its appropriate perspective and know whether a prostitute will be able to give you what you want. But you haven't, so your expectations are likely to be all wrong for your first sexual experience. And that may leave a lasting impression.

    Take it from someone who had his first sexual experience with his girlfriend when he was older than you.
     

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