Hmm...a smooth, frictionless, black surface that even light can't escape from? Sounds like the outside of a spaceship programmed to crash into the sun of Kakrafoon! Somewhere you will need a black control panel, with black buttons, covered with black text, which light up (in black) when pressed to show you've pressed them! (with the words "Please do not press this button again", although technically that's from a different part of the book). Nerds ITT!