God as a General: Passover’s Lessons for Warfare

Cthippo · 22 Apr 2011

This was a humor piece, but I think he makes some good points, and we could all use a laugh.

Wired.com said:

This week, Jews around the world observe the festival of Passover. It’s a remembrance of slavery and a celebration of liberation. But the story of Exodus also offers many political and military lessons for today, as well as a reminder that, as written in Ecclesiastes, “there is nothing new under the sun.” Here are seven key takeaways for the modern commander, hot from the Burning Bush.

1. Gradual measures don’t work. Faced with Pharaoh’s stubborn refusal to release the Israelite slaves, God launches a campaign of gradually escalating plagues. It doesn’t go according to plan. God sends plague. Pharaoh agrees to free Israelites. Plague stops. Pharaoh, a wily negotiator, backslides. Repeat ten times.

Thus begins a woeful precedent for limited conflicts throughout the ages, up to and including NATO’s war in Libya. If locusts, boils and the Angel of Death — God’s one-man Joint Special Operations Command — didn’t persuade Pharaoh to relent, will a few laser-guided bombs and cruise missiles prove any more effective against Moammar Gadhafi?

2. Know the terrain. Imagine you’re Pharaoh, burning with anger and pursuing retribution after the smiting of the firstborn led you to release the Israelites from bondage. Your chariots remorselessly bear down on the defenseless Israelites trapped against the Red Sea. Suddenly the sea miraculously splits in half. Your former slaves escape down a dry canyon between towering walls of water. Whoa.

Do you stop to ponder whether a force that can control frogs, hail and darkness might just be able to part a sea and then as quickly restore the waters over your heads? Do you remind yourself that chariots don’t float? Or do you send your wheeled chariots down a sea bed, where the ground is rather likely to be boggy?

Pharaoh chose the latter option, with predictable results, thus demonstrating the consequences of failing to consider terrain. History might have been different had Pharaoh possessed Amphibious Assault Vehicles. But as illustrated by documentary filmmaker Cecil B. DeMille, 50 foot high walls of water would have wiped out any landing force. Should the waters of the Persian Gulf or Yellow Sea part during U.S. military operations, caution is advised.

3. Not even God could make strategic bombing work. The story of Exodus may be the first strategic bombing campaign in history. God enjoys total air supremacy in the skies over Egypt, enabling Him to employ aerial weapons like hail. Pharoah is unmoved. The fear created by aerial bombardment quickly wears off, as would be later demonstrated in subsequent campaigns against Germany and North Vietnam.

4. Logistics is not manna from heaven. Mindful of Pharaoh’s impending massacre, the Israelites couldn’t wait at home for their dough to rise, so they departed Egypt with only unleavened bread to eat in the desert. God might have fulfilled his end of the covenant, but he didn’t want to foster dependance. Despite his fleet of angels, capable of providing airlift and sea transport, God didn’t even preposition supply dumps to spare the Hebrews the horrors of eating matzoh.

5. The Ten Commandments trump the laws of war. God’s divine Operation Plan might land Him in The Hague today. Think of all the military conventions He violates. Turning the Nile red poisoned the water supply. Boils were basic biological warfare. Hail destroyed crops and livestock-ruining plagues were clear attacks on civilian infrastructure. The slaying of the firstborn is arguably an act of genocide.

Pharaoh, a slaveholder, doesn’t have much investment in strengthening international pacts on human rights. And there’s little evidence he pursued lawfare against God in any Biblical antecedents to the International Court of Justice and the United Nations. Had he done so, God may well have been censured, especially by those who refused to believe in Him. On the other hand, given the international community’s record on Israel, it is more likely that the ancient Israelites would have been condemned for aggression against Egypt. Already struggling to free his people, Moses would have confronted boatloads of activists demanding that the Hebrews stop forcing the Egyptians to enslave them.

6. Slavery is bad counterinsurgency strategy. Consider Pharaoh’s position. The Israelite Joseph had saved Egypt from famine. But Pharaoh still worries that this influx of foreigners could either revolt against him or serve as a fifth column for an invading enemy. His solution: slavery. Anyone who’s read the Army and Marine Corps Counterinsurgency Field Manual (PDF) can see Pharaoh’s mistake.

Instead of winning Hebrew hearts and minds through a careful policy of multiculturalism, economic development and propaganda, the Egyptians pursued a policy that was certain to generate Israelite hostility. Ultimately that brought about the very foreign intervention they feared. As it turned out, the Israelites had a supremely powerful patron.

7. Know your adversary. After the fourth or fifth time Pharaoh reneges on his promise to free the Hebrews, God might have realized that Pharaoh’s word was weaker than the Israelites’ bonds. But He didn’t insist on introducing any verification mechanisms or confidence-building measures into their negotiations to enforce Pharaoh’s compliance with His terms. (Conditionalizing the end of Plague X on the release of a mutually agreed number of slaves, for instance.) Certain Israelite factions might condemn God for His willingness to negotiate with rogue states and His hubristic confidence that His divine awe will break Pharoah’s will.

And a similar misreading by Pharaoh might have prolonged the conflict by convincing the Egyptians that God was a paper tiger. But ultimately, Pharaoh was poorly served by his diplomatic and intelligence apparatus. Repeated plagues should have convinced Pharaoh’s coterie of advisers that God possessed unique unconventional warfare capabilities and was quite willing to use them.

Still, though, in the end, despite numerous blunders, God’s intervention succeeded. And He showed the foresight to remain engaged with the Israelites’ new nation. When they centered their economy around the construction of golden calves — demonstrating a monetary shortsightedness common to many underdeveloped nations — God launched a punitive bailout and restructuring. Accordingly, God proved to critics that His Middle Eastern policy was indeed evenhanded when it came to dispensing punishment.

As the Jews say on Passover: Dayenu (it would have been enough). The Israelites would have been grateful for whatever divine intervention they received. Yet it’s still possible to find fault with God as a strategist. Had God and Pharaoh chose alternate strategies, the Israelites might have been freed with fewer deaths, less damage to the environment, and ultimately a shorter Passover Seder. A festive meal where the participants don’t have endure listening to the interminable story of Exodus before eating would have been a miracle.
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http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2011/04/god-as-a-general-passovers-lessons-for-warfare/#more-44973

Guest-16 · 24 Apr 2011

LOL good piece!!

#2 If Pharaoh had known/read Sun Tsu and his book, that might have gone quite differently.

stonedsurd · 22 Apr 2011

That was hilarious. I read it aloud (in my dull, monotonous voice) and my roommates still pissed themselves.

Nexxo · 22 Apr 2011

Epic.

patrickk84 · 23 Apr 2011

I have to like this as well.

alpaca · 23 Apr 2011

Nicely analized. Gives me some things to think about.

Elton · 24 Apr 2011

Genius.

zatanna · 26 Apr 2011

the best humor has a serious point (or two) and this is perfect for "bring me the head of the chocolate bunny" season, not to mention the state of the world.

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God as a General: Passover’s Lessons for Warfare

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stonedsurd Is a cackling Yuletide Belgian

Nexxo * Prefab Sprout – The King of Rock 'n' Roll

patrickk84 What's a Dremel?

alpaca llama eats dremel

Elton Officially a Whisky Nerd

zatanna What's a Dremel?

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God as a General: Passover’s Lessons for Warfare

Cthippo Can't mod my way out of a paper bag

Guest-16 Guest

stonedsurd Is a cackling Yuletide Belgian

Nexxo * Prefab Sprout – The King of Rock 'n' Roll

patrickk84 What's a Dremel?

alpaca llama eats dremel

Elton Officially a Whisky Nerd

zatanna What's a Dremel?

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