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LOL Guaranteed LOL inside or your money back...

Discussion in 'General' started by Solidus, 8 Aug 2010.

  1. Solidus

    Solidus Superhuman

    Joined:
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    Disguised Weapons
    Posted at: 2010-02-09 06:06:07
    Original ad:
    **** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
    Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
    Offering: cash, items for barte
    r

    From Me to **********@***********.org:

    Hey,

    I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.

    Thanks,

    Mike


    From Jeff ****** to Me:

    I am. lets see what you got.

    From Me to Jeff ******:

    Jeff,

    Here you go:


    [​IMG]

    Looks like a normal spoon, right?

    [​IMG]

    Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.

    I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.

    Mike


    From Jeff ****** to Me:

    that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.

    From Me to Jeff ******:

    Jeff,

    I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.

    Mike


    From Jeff ****** to Me:

    fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can **** off.

    From Me to Jeff ******:

    Jeff,

    Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:







    [​IMG]

    At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.




    [​IMG]

    Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.





    [​IMG]

    This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.

    Let me know if you want any of these items.

    Thanks,

    Mike


    From Jeff ****** to Me:

    youre a ****ing dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that **** too you dumb mother ****er. I hope you get hit by a car. **** off, eat ****, and die.

    ---------------------

    Worthy of rep? yay or nay?

    :) enjoy regardless!

    -Solidus
     
    Evenge, Canon and mvagusta like this.
  2. Krikkit

    Krikkit All glory to the hypnotoad! Super Moderator

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    Rrrrrrrepost..! :D

    Good one though.
     
  3. The_Beast

    The_Beast I like wood ಠ_ಠ

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    No LOL for me, I want my money back :eyebrow:




    To be fair I've seen it before and loled then :hehe:
     
  4. Krazeh

    Krazeh Well-Known Member

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    Never seen it before but didn't find it particularly amusing, certainly not to the point of laughing out loud.
     
  5. Rogan

    Rogan Not really a

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  6. JunkersUK

    JunkersUK Great chieftan o' the puddin race

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    That was good. Then again I see everything several years later but hey.
     
  7. Pieface

    Pieface Well-Known Member

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    I don't rep people who ask for it by posting reposts.
     
  8. julianmartin

    julianmartin resident cyborg.

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    man, jeff seems like a real dick.
     
  9. ChromeX

    ChromeX New Member

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    Oddly enough i'd just re-discovered this little gem yesterday I posted it on facebook for my mates to have a laugh. Not seen it in a good while, now i've seen it twice in as many days!

    "This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box." :D
     
  10. boiled_elephant

    boiled_elephant Whitelist Bit-Tech in your adblock!

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    It makes for a potent case against gun legislation and/or carry-concealed laws when you consider that people like him are among the people who buy and carry them.
     
  11. Rotcrack

    Rotcrack Food Maestro.

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    http://www.dontevenreply.com/

    Original ad:
    I am in need of a reliable and SAFE driver to take my 10-year-old daughter home from after-school soccer practice starting in September and ending in late November. She needs to be taken from school in Exton to home in Bryn Mawr. It should take about an hour each day. You will be needed Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri. Looking for a safe driver with a clean driving record. E-mail at ***********@comcast.net with references. We can discuss compensation. Thanks!
    From Me to ************@comcast.net

    Good afternoon.

    My name is Mike Partlow and I am very interested in this job. I have a lot of experience driving under dangerous conditions and guarantee your daughter will arrive safely at home every day.

    If you are still looking for a dependable driver, please write back.

    Sincerely,

    Mike Partlow

    From Kate ******** to Me

    Mr. Partlow (can I call you Mike?),

    I still am looking for a driver. Good to know you can handle dangerous conditions...but there probably will not be any dangerous conditions; you are just taking my daughter down Rt 3.

    Tell me about yourself - are you a professional driver? Do you have any references from past jobs? What kind of car do you own? Is it reliable?

    - Kate

    From Me to Kate ********

    Kate,

    You can call me Mike. I was never one for formalities.

    A little about myself, I am 37 years old, and worked as a mercenary driver in the Middle East. I have escorted important clients through high-risk areas in Iraq and Afghanistan for five years. I have seen a lot of action, and have ensured the safety of my clients. Out of all the jobs I have done, 90% of my clients arrived at their destination unharmed.

    I have several references. I'll have one of them e-mail you.

    My car is very safe and reliable - perfect for your daughter. It is an armored 2007 Chevy Suburban. All glass has been replaced with multi-layered ballistic glass capable of stopping a 7.62 x 39 bullet dead in its tracks. The doors, roof, and floor have been reinforced with ballistic steel/composite that can withstand IED blasts and stop grenade fragmentation. This car has been put to the test and will always deliver.

    Safety and protection is my #1 priority. The car is fully loaded with an HK416 assault rifle that fire under the toughest conditions. The roof has a 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret installed. Hopefully we won't have to use it, but it is good to have. I can't tell you how many times I've had to return fire against an enemy APC. I assure you that nobody will mess with your daughter as I escort her home from soccer practice.

    Now lets discuss pay. I have various security packages I offer, and for your daughter I recommend my medium package which will run you $200 an hour. I also have a minimal package which is only $125 an hour. It is entirely up to you.

    Let me know,

    Mike Partlow

    From Kate ******** to Me

    This has to be a joke. This isnt Bagdad, it's suburban PA...

    Are you just being sarcastic? What do you really drive? I want to pay 30 bucks a day, tops.

    From Me to Kate ********

    Kate,

    Safety/protection is no joke. For $30, you are likely to get some 17-year-old kid who just got his license and will drive your daughter in his unarmored Ford Focus. I've seen an IED blow a Ford Focus into thousands of pieces, none larger than a golf ball.

    My security package is well worth the $200 per trip. We will pick your daughter up in a random Suburban. Four trucks will pull up, and she will get into a random one every day. This is so the enemy does not know which one to attack. The Suburban she is in will have an armed security detail of men I have worked with in Iraq. We know what we are doing. She will be escorted in our convoy down the highway at a high rate of speed to avoid stopping in "kill zones." All vehicles are equipped with an MIRT which is used to change the traffic lights to green so we will not have to slow down. Your daughter will arrive safely in your arms no later than 20 minutes from when she is extracted from the soccer field.

    Please reconsider my offer. You can't put a price on your daughter's safety.

    From Kate ******** to Me

    Stop wasting my time. Don't e-mail me again.


    (later, from another e-mail account)

    From Nick Walken to Kate **********

    Dear Kate,

    I am an old client of Mike Partlow. He told me that you wanted a reference for a job you are considering him for. Let me start off by saying, you could not have made a finer choice. Mike is the best there is. He literally saved my life countless times in Iraq. Whatever you are using him for, you have made the right choice. You will be 100% safe.

    When I think about my experience Mike, one time stands above the rest. Back in 2005, I was a contractor in Iraq and had hired Mike's security detail to escort me through Fallujah. Everything was going fine until our convoy was hit by an IED. I don't remember much, but next thing you know, I woke up in a Republican Guard prisoner camp with Mike. I thought we were goners. They took me and Mike into a hut, where there were at least eight armed soldiers placing bets. They were going to make Mike and I play Russian Roulette. Mike convinced a soldier to let him play with three bullets, instead of one, which I thought was crazy. Mike even put the gun to his head once and pulled the trigger. He started laughing, and the soldiers started laughing too. When they let their guard down, he immediately shot three of them in the head, grabbed one of their AKs, and gunned down the other five soldiers. I didn't think we would make it out of that one alive, but thanks to Mike's heroic actions, I am here today.

    You cannot go wrong with Mike Partlow. He is the best of the best. One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad. He makes do with what he has and will survive the worst of situations.

    If you have any more questions about Mike, please don't hesitate to contact me. I owe the man my life.

    Nick

    From Kate ******** to Me

    what in the hell...
     

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