Available to a good home: One partner, toilet trained and conversant in soap operas and phatic communion or small talk. Able to cook one signature meal. Cleans visible surfaces. Vast experience speaking on the telephone. Willing to ask 'How as your day' but with ulterior motive. Able to clear out joint account seconds after your pay has gone in. Keen to have a day job but the house requires so much attention. PhD in nag, nag, nag. Any offers accepted. Willing to swap for collection of stuffed pets. Post here if interested and your offers. EDIT: Spoiler THIS IS A JOKE
I've still got a load of stuffed dogs, and a Lilo and Stitch plushie which, although I am very reluctant to give away, I believe would sweeten the deal nicely.
How about a trade for my partner? The specifications are similar but pretty handy with a crochet hook.
Some interesting offers and questions. But I don't think you are taking my offer seriously at all. I need her gone people.
Then be a grown-up about it and tell her that you want to end the relationship. This is not "Fantasy Slave Trade Forums" and the time that women were property rather than real human beings is long gone (in the UK at least. Last time I checked).
