Rant I might regret this...

As talladega says, you may still end up vicariously traumatised. It's why the Samaritans have such elaborate staff support.

 

Of course you will need to stay detached. I doubt Nexxo could do what he does if he didn't maintain a level of detachment.

 

It takes maintaining a balance between engagement and detachment. You have to be able to reach in but not get pulled in. It takes years of training and experience to get the balance right, and even then it is a tightrope act every day. The mere offer to listen because "hey, I'm a good listener and I like to help" is already an act of overengagement.

Besides the potential for damage to self there is the potential for damage to the other. What do you tell someone who is depressed, despairingly suicidal or full of destructive rage? Some if the 'relationship advice' I have read on these forums make me cringe. I really don't think this is a good idea at all.

 

Especially since you cannot see the persons body language and hear the tone of voice. It makes it extremely hard to tell exactly how they are feeling.

 

A kind offer, but I have to agree with Nexxo on this. The potential for disaster is simply enormous. If anyone here really needs to talk to someone, and family and friends is not an option for whatever reason, then your first stop should be your GP...not a tech forum.

 

That is true.

However. People, especially men, don't ask for help as often as they should, this is shown in the disproportionate number of women who are seen by the Mental Health Services.

His offer is genuine, it is really up to him if he wants to get involved, and so long as he's aware when/if the time comes that his advice is only 'go see your gp' or 'speak to your friend/gf/mum/dad' or whatever then that can only be helpful. Some people may just need an impatial nudge in the right direction.

That is the only thing with advice though, knowing when you're not qualified enough to deal with a particular situation. That must be the basis on which any help offered as trying to deal with situations that are beyond your ability can be harmful.

Some people just find it easier to talk to people not involved in a particular situation for obvious reasons.

 

I know why you're here, Voluntary_Pariah. I know what you've been doing. I know why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit at your computer. You're looking for him. I know, because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us, Voluntary_Pariah. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.

 

The answer is is that there is no question.

 

Nice trolling...

Honestly, nice gesture mate. There are ramifications to everything, just take precautions like suggested.

IRL I am a good listener too, but I've inadvertently hurt people giving the impression that I cared enough about the problem to get involved. Thats a hard lesson learned. Lets just say I am more careful now as to how to handle those situations.

 

I wasn't trolling, I was just adding in a humours quote under the misguided impression that surely no one could take offense to such a triffling thing.

He's doing a very decent thing, I was by no means trying to belittle it. Apologies to OP if you found my post detracted from your original message. Keep up the good work.

 

What is the Matrix?

 

Nice gesture, but you stand a phenomenal chance of regretting it.

I did it once, several years ago, and the amount of responsibility people try and offload onto you for the most basic of problems is astronomical.

Can get quite stressful, and ultimately lose you friends. I dread to think what professionals have to go through doing this kind of thing on a daily basis.

 

A large amount of money...?

 

Oh! What movie is that from?

I know it, i really do. Just can't remember...


Edit:

DO'H! Just realized that Nexxo had answered... I Need to watch the Matrix trilogy again.

 

A cheap rip-off of a magazine printed in the seventies if I remember rightly?

Good films though...

Anyway;

You're not the only one unfortunatly. Simply by being a nice person IRL can cause so many issues with others who may "latch on" to your advice. Well that's what I've found anyway...

Guess I couldn't do what the OP wants, my view of "Hope's the first step on the road to disappointment' while stolen from 40K, works perfectly for what I except from people and their lifestyles *shrugs*.

OP - Listen to Nexxo on this one buddy, he's the man on this.

 

All true. Sadly many men won't seek the help they need.

I do applaud the guys offer, but it is a fine line to walk. The person may have mental health issues (1 in 4 in the UK) and you often need to be very careful what you say to those who are vulnerable. I work for a charity that helps people with depression, anger issues, anxiety, dementia and that sort of thing, and I know enough not to get involved.

Like you say, it's up to him. I just hope he's cautious.

Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

 

That is the proviso on helping, knowing when you can't and in which direction to point them.

 

Hmmm. . . .

I will admit that people from Bit-tech talking to me about thinks like self harm or worse never occurred to me.

It has made me pause for thought, especailly after warnings from Nexxo and Fizzban.

 

Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is.

 

With the exception of Nexxo's posts which I bothered to read, this thread is full of fail.