I had a similar situation where girls would continously bitch about one another and I was in the middle since I was friends with both. It got to a point where one of them crossed a line with me and showed themselves for who they really were - Totally making up a story just so the other girl is looked badly upon. I realised it was all ******** from this girl and confronted her and she had no where to hide and self-defence mode kicked in and she turned against me (simply because I had caught her out) My advice is go with your instincts, this jennifer sounds like a cow. This claire isnt committed to you so has no reason not to bring over guys, and as for a her being a user?; If you are friends you help one another out, little things like coffee here and there or help them when you can - And they should help you back also (does claire willingly help you back? or make excuses everytime not to?) You cant be good friends with her and not expect a two-way thing there, she is allowed to bring other guys home if shes not in a relationship with you also, It sounds like Jennifer said that to get a reaction from you and hurt you (try and swindle you on to her side, the simple minded fall for such tactics )
People get banned for using that word. On topic though, gotta side with what everyone has said, been in this kinda situation before and it just messes your head up. Either get rid of Jennifer and see what happens with the other one (whatever she was called), or get rid of both and start a fresh. Don't let the fact she's hot and bi cloud your judgment, if nothing has happened yet, I doubt you i'd get the action you want anyway!
From what you've said, which is no substitute for actually knowing them, 'Jennifer' sounds like an ass. She cancels her lease, forcing you to move (What detail did she give regarding why she canceled it?). Then she asks (eventually) about moving in with you and is now trying to coax you into moving out and moving somewhere with her? Sounds a bit freaky to me. I'm not sure what the relevence of this 'Clair' person is (In Jennifers reasoning for you moving out), as you seem to have come to terms with the idea that she and yourself aren't going to end up as a couple, just good friends. Personally, I'd tell 'Jennifer' to get on her bike, and look for somewhere with guys. You get to leave the toilet seat up that way.
Just do not live with women, yes they're great sometimes and 've had little to no problems with my female flatmates (we're all great friends) but I'd still rather live with all guys.
That you are a total idiot and so easily manipulated you improve on plasticene? Your hormones over-ride your brain cells. Find a bloke to house-share with.
improve on plasticene, I like that. not the fact that you used it on me, but its a good insult. Anyway, woke up this morning. discovering that I dont really care about either of them anymore. Thinking of taking the advice of some people (ok, everyone) and moving out but not living with women anymore.
Use the situation to your advantage? The text was a bit tldr but it sounds like you're in the middle of a rediculous fight meaning these two are less likely to be rational with you etc letting you get away with things on the sly (dunno what though). Apathy rocks. EDIT: Alternatively they're both madly in love with you, theres a scenario no one thought of!
haha, I dont think thats the case. I was looking at my work schedule. I am working at the end of the month of may which is when the lease is up. So that makes it hard to move. unless I bite the bullet and get a second place for may and move during the month. then when the end of the month comes I am already out.
I have to say, whatever you decided to end up doing - STOP TRYING TO PULL PEOPLE YOU LIVE WITH. That sort of thing is only going to end up going wrong. Try their friends by all means, but housemates should always be off limits, ohh, and don't live with jen... that seems the worst possible option. RwD
Dude your always in this scenario, i joked before and said MAN UP... i think you should, girls appreciate a bit of manliness sometimes. either that or like people have said, find some guys to live with and appreciate their manliness yourself xxx
I seem to be in the minority, as I think there's nothing wrong with having female roommates. However, living with women is contingent on the following: 1. Never move in with anyone whom your gut tells you to mistrust. In your first paragraph, you state outright you had a bad feeling about this woman. What's the source of your confusion -- that you want something you sense isn't right and so would rather lie to yourself than give it up? With someone as potentially disastrous as a bad roommate, girlfriend or business partner, intuition overrides all perks. If you must pursue her, then get to know her over time -- less intimately and less instantly -- until your sense of her character's clearer. 2. Never agree to move in with a female roommate unless you're content to keep things platonic. Most women who moved into living situations as roommates would view living room advances as harassment. Those who wouldn't mind often have boundary issues. I'd worry about the stability of a woman who leaped into the scenario you mentioned -- there's usually something wrong with her. A history of sexual abuse, a fear of intimacy, misterogyny(TM) -- that sort of thing. Even if things went your way, it isn't always good for acquaintances who room in the same flat to become close friends, let alone, romantic/sexual. Privacy and personal space can become really important. 3. Long-term relationships are like urban tomatoes: they only grow under special conditions. Many of us learned early in life not to try to force two relationships at once simply because we meet an attractive woman while living with another. If the women are worth seeing, then your relationship with each is worth leaving unspoiled: even if you're great at covering your tracks, the one you're living with will know on some level -- you might not get in trouble, but she'll be in pain without knowing why. And the one you cheated with will never be able to trust you (or you her). The same is true of forcing a wishful relationship into a live-in setting. Moving in with a woman roommate and then trying to sleep with her -- that's a situation fraught with issues. You're too close in proximity if she rejects you; there's no escape for either of you; you'll watch her date other people. All the annoyances and drama of living with someone can destroy the fragile chemistry that might have been sustained if you'd let yourselves have distance while getting to know each other. Never mind the fact it all sounds rather ungentlemanly. §§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§ When you initiate these threads, you seem always to be debating some reckless decision involving a semi-indifferent woman who either allows you to impose your fascination or exacts revenge by using fascination's passivity to push you around. You profess confusion, but react ambivalently (albeit politely) to other members when they express frustration and impatience. I think what people are trying to tell you is to pay attention to the common sense you clearly have. Stop being dramatic about wanting intimacy without having to go through a courtship acknowledged by both parties. I understand your being attracted to destructive women. I understand your being prone to mistakes where attraction is involved because, presumably, you're young and enjoying a lady's physical beauty can be addictive. But at this point, I think you should either take the basic advice we're all giving you -- not to mix roommates with sexual/romantic partners -- or resign yourself to making wrong decisions until guilt and emotional pain convince you otherwise.
One of my now female roomates (loud, a bit feminist) and a good friend (a player) are romantically involved and are living together next year. I can't wait to see what happens.
i don't think that is a minority opinion in general, most people realize that it is possible to live with women. it is just that there are some guys who really shouldn't have female roommates, and there are some women that you really don't want to be living with. Chris and friends seems to fit both those qualifications.
When I first moved in with her it was because I was desperate for a place to live. And the rent was cheap and the room was huge. At the time that made everything else seam trivial. I actually have a rule, you could ask Jennifer, as I have told her before. I don’t date roommates. I have considered breaking this rule with Clair. As so far, we have gotten along really well. And if it doesn't work out then I could just move out if it’s a bad break. I haven't made any advancements thus far. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to cause any undue stress on the living condition if I did. I'm a nice guy, what can I say. Except that apparently I need more backbone. Also before I became a member here I was a member on another forum. My first one. I got in quite a large fight because I forgot one important rule. It’s only the Internet. If someone insults me, I just take it in stride, learn what I can to better myself and walk away. I'll be 28 in May. Is that still considered young? I was in a 5 year relationship that ended last year. Took me that long to figure out that woman. Now I am trying to figure out the rest of the women. Which isn’t easy with the limited knowledge base that I have. I think that if I were at home, I never would have had to post this on here. As I could of just approached Clair about it. I think that this is too important to ask over an e-mail. Especially when things like, tone, volume, body language etc carry so much importance in a conversation, and none of that can be conveyed through simple text. All in all, there has been a lot of good points brought up in here. With the advice given, and what some of my friends have told me. 1. I am not going to look to move out right away. 2. Nor am I going to persue a relationship with clair at this time. 3. I am however going to observe the relationship between us to see if she is using me. At this point I dont think that she is. I think that my inital gut instinct was right and that in this situation, jennifer is the one who is trying to use me. 4. And its time to get her out of my life. 5. I am stealing something from Prestidigitweeze, check my sig. I dont know, I was living fine with Jennifer before we moved in with Clair. She had her oddities which annoyed me. But nothing I couldn't handle. And as for clair, I get along just fine with her. these two just shouldn't be together.
To answer: Yes, I do think 28 is relatively young (but old enough for you to stop putting yourself in the same bad situation). I'm in my 30s now. I continued to make questionable decisions until the day I became deeply aware of the pain I'd caused. May that day come as soon as possible for everyone (no matter their age). I'm glad you found something of value in my comments. I only wish I'd been able to weed a bit of unwarranted harshness out of my response before you'd read it (see above). My use of the phrase affect confusion, for example -- I'm more comfortable using profess confusion, since it doesn't imply conscious dishonesty.
Time for my old arse to chime in I guess. I lived with my wife for 6 years before we got married. Started in 1975 and we are still together with grand kids and soon to be great grand kids. Tis a job to make it work but can be done. Old Geek that I am. john
My 2 penneth, although it seems you've already had good advice and semi-made up your mind. 1. Jennifer definitely seems to be a bad egg. She's made it kinda obvious and blatant in how she's tried to manipulate and use you. 2. Clair probably isn't manipulating or using you. But if she is, she at least seems to be a nice person, so what does it matter? Now and then everyone uses someone else. If you do it in a nice way and don't leave them feeling sour about it, then I don't believe its necessarily a bad thing. Bad analogy perhaps, but do you use dvdr's or cdr's from work when you need one? Do you download a patch for <insert game or software you use at home> on your work's internet line because its faster? I know I do now and then!
Yesterday I was talking (texting) jennifer. I told her that I had made up my mind on the situation. I sent her this: She hasn't talked to me since. I'm fairly convinced that she was only trying to get me to move out with her. And now her little plan has backfired.
