I quit!

Discussion in 'General' started by CrOaKeR, 4 Jul 2002.

  1. CrOaKeR

    CrOaKeR Host warrior 4, Vengence!

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    Might of seen this, but i love it!

    This is great!!

    Best ever resignation letter (An actual letter sent by a fed up U.S employee)

    Mr Baker, As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen.

    I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

    You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.

    Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

    Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

    1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

    2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

    3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mother's b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

    Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.

    Never f*** with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.

    Sincerely, Ted Brewer
     
  2. BradfordPimp

    BradfordPimp What's a Dremel?

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    gotta love those ketchup bottles :)
     
  3. monolith

    monolith True Friend

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    Hehe, quite funny. If he did send that though, all of those threats/etc are also completly illegal, and would result in him never _ever_ getting a job if that letter was ever seen. But that's besides the point, it's funny as hell. LOL. :) :)
     
  4. RTT

    RTT #parp

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    /me copies to a text file for future use :D
     
  5. relix

    relix Minimodder

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    Yeah, it happens so often, remember Speed 2 ? :D

    I wanna be like this too when I grow up: root

    :lol:
     
  6. vivid

    vivid down in fraggle rock

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    lol, could come in handy that could ;)
     
  7. samuelellis

    samuelellis What's a Dremel?

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    he sounds like the bofh :lol:



    scary thing is im getting bofh tendancys over my familys document partitions


    in the flesh, in your partition, looking though your e-mail
     
  8. brutal

    brutal What's a Dremel?

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    hehehehe, i guess heinz 57 doesnt mean varieties but positions :)
     
  9. linear

    linear Minimodder

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    Bah, that guy is an amateur. Google for "Kelvin Throop" to get the real deal.
     
  10. Alaric

    Alaric code assassin

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    total BOFH :p

    /me expects that his office door handle will have minor modifications after he gets the recommendation leetter ;)
     
  11. xen0morph

    xen0morph Bargain wine connoisseur

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    User: "I need more space!"
    BOFH: "What's your username?"
    <Clicky-click>
    BOFH: "Ok, you've got 4 Mb."
    User: "Great, thanks. So I have 8Mb now?"
    BOFH: "No, you've got 4Mb"
    User: "...?"
    User: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

    lol
    :D
     

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