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LOL Just For Laughs. Jokes & Gags

Discussion in 'General' started by Arthur, 19 Oct 2015.

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  1. Kronos

    Kronos Well-Known Member

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    I was having a pee in the swimming pool today. Flipping pool attendant saw me and blew his whistle that loud I nearly fell in.
     
    Kronos, 17 Jan 2018
    #141
  2. Kronos

    Kronos Well-Known Member

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    I've got two old school bags that I really love, does that make me bisatchel?
     
    Kronos, 25 Jan 2018
    #142
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  3. Kronos

    Kronos Well-Known Member

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    Someone threw a piece of cheese at me the other day. It wasn't very mature.
     
    Kronos, 30 Jan 2018
    #143
    javaman and Behemoth like this.
  4. Wakka

    Wakka Yo, eat this, ya?

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    From the Ethtrader daily discussion thread on Reddit:

    Made me for reals LOL, in the office.
     
    Wakka, 6 Feb 2018
    #144
  5. Kronos

    Kronos Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    Kronos, 23 Feb 2018
    #145
  6. Kronos

    Kronos Well-Known Member

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    I feel sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotised seven guys then dropped the mike on his foot and yelled, "**** me."

    What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.
     
    Kronos, 2 Mar 2018
    #146
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  7. Kronos

    Kronos Well-Known Member

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    Fella near me invented beach sandals for one legged people, it was a flop though.
     
    Kronos, 4 Mar 2018
    #147
    javaman and MeMo like this.
  8. Arthur

    Arthur Comment is over there ----->

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    Sad to hear that Roger Bannister has died.....aged 88....

    Can't say he didn't have a good run !!
     
    Arthur, 5 Mar 2018
    #148
  9. Flibblebot

    Flibblebot Smile with me

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    Flibblebot, 5 Mar 2018
    #149
    ElThomsono likes this.
  10. David

    David Take my advice — I’m not using it.

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    What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

    One is a big heavy animal, and the other is a little lighter.
     
    David, 5 Nov 2018
    #150
    Vault-Tec, Dr. Coin and Arboreal like this.
  11. MeMo

    MeMo It is what it is

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    Funny
     
    MeMo, 6 Nov 2018
    #151
  12. Mopsi

    Mopsi Member

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    Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
    Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
    Doctor: "Nine."
     
    Mopsi, 7 Nov 2018
    #152
  13. Mopsi

    Mopsi Member

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    I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
     
    Mopsi, 7 Nov 2018
    #153
  14. The_Crapman

    The_Crapman Don't phone it's just for fun.

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    What do you do if you don't get a spreadsheet joke?

    Vlook it up
     
    The_Crapman, 4 Jan 2019
    #154
  15. David

    David Take my advice — I’m not using it.

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    Capitalisation.

    The difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
     
    David, 4 Jan 2019
    #155
    Arboreal and The_Crapman like this.
  16. Mr_Mistoffelees

    Mr_Mistoffelees Lucifer Sam, Siam Cat, is my best friend.

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    Spike Milligan, "“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States. ”
    Good enough for the Donald.
     
    Last edited: 4 Jan 2019
    Mr_Mistoffelees, 4 Jan 2019
    #156
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  17. Arthur

    Arthur Comment is over there ----->

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    My next door neighbour has been blaring out Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra records constantly for the last 7 days...

    I think he may have the crooner virus !
     
    Arthur, 14 Mar 2020
    #157
    Mr_Mistoffelees likes this.
  18. doolhoofd

    doolhoofd doolhof:maze + hoofd:head

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    "A guy came up to me and said, 'Look at that girl. She's got a nice butt.'
    I said, 'Yeah. I bet she can sit down excellently.'"
    - Mitch Hedberg

    "If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive...
    they would eventually start finding me attractive."

    "What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
    One has claws at the end of its paws, the other is a pause at the end of a clause."
     
    doolhoofd, 10 Apr 2020
    #158
  19. Guest-44638

    Guest-44638 Guest

    Sometimes too true to even be funny.
     
    Guest-44638, 10 Apr 2020
    #159
  20. David

    David Take my advice — I’m not using it.

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    I think the guy I bought my new shoes from is a drug dealer.

    I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all morning.
     
    David, 6 May 2020
    #160
    Dr. Coin, javaman, Mr_Mistoffelees and 1 other person like this.
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