LOL Just For Laughs. Jokes & Gags

I was having a pee in the swimming pool today. Flipping pool attendant saw me and blew his whistle that loud I nearly fell in.

 

I've got two old school bags that I really love, does that make me bisatchel?

 

Someone threw a piece of cheese at me the other day. It wasn't very mature.

 

From the Ethtrader daily discussion thread on Reddit:

Made me for reals LOL, in the office.

 

I feel sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotised seven guys then dropped the mike on his foot and yelled, "**** me."

What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.

 

Fella near me invented beach sandals for one legged people, it was a flop though.

 

Sad to hear that Roger Bannister has died.....aged 88....

Can't say he didn't have a good run !!

 

Someone told me today that Trevor Bayliss had died as well - I thought it was just another wind up...

 

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One is a big heavy animal, and the other is a little lighter.

 

Funny

 

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."

 

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.