Uh, it's a tradition in English society that the wife takes charge of the wedding plans, and I think also that her father foots the bill at least in part. Whether or not any of that holds true for these circumstances, it's generally accepted that most men would be equally happy with the registry office and aren't particularly up for partly or wholly funding a gigantic fairytale wedding which means bad speeches, overpriced food and in-laws they don't like. This is because wives dream of weddings and husbands don't. So naturally, this being very important to the wife and less so to the husband, it's more about the wife than the husband. To pair stereotype with stereotype, the OP's fiancée is possibly equally bemused at the thought of spending more money on the computer, which is after all just a box of electronics. Oh, piss off. You've never met either of them, you aren't getting married to her and all you know about their relationship is that she wants a new dress. That's hardly indicative of the fact that the OP is some sort of doormat who gives in without a fight; indeed, he came on here asking whether it was unreasonable of him to kick up a fuss, not whether it was reasonable for him to lie down and take it. The wedding, as many, many people have already pointed out, is very much in the wife's domain. I expect that other things will be conversely very much in OP's sphere of influence; that may not suit your egalitarian ideals but since you aren't in the relationship in question I wouldn't idly suggest that he knows nothing about equality and partnership. Also, OP is committing himself to a shared lifetime. Sometimes he has to know when to give and when to stand his ground. Given that the wedding is something his wife-to-be has probably been formulating since she was old enough to play Mummies and Daddies he's got good reason to let her have her way just this once. It's not exactly the slippery slope to financial ruination. The truth, this is. Average wedding cost in the UK exceeds £20k, which is as far as I can ascertain the security for a medium-sized mortgage. Given that you're blowing the money essentially on paying for people you may not like very much to have a good night out, I don't personally see the point. Imagine how good a honeymoon £20k would get you following a £50 registry office marriage.
You really need to shove all your rules of engagement manuals somewhere the sun don't shine, so they can't be seen, any more, ever again I agree with your last point however, not that there's anything wrong with spending a few thousand on a nice church wedding and a nice dinner somewhere for your close friends and family = my idea of a nice wedding
We're spending around £3000 in total, we've got a little country hotel booked exclusively for the whole weekend for that too. Then, we've got enough coming as wedding presents from the family to get us a nice holiday given the time of year it'll be. If she changes her mind about the £900 dress ... well she paid for it 100% herself anyway so I don't mind
Lets turn this round the other way. Would you be happy knowing your future wife is going to be unhappy on her wedding day because you forced her to wear a dress she didn't like?
I've found this thread to be rather fascinating, not least because I am also getting married this summer. I for one don't mind the knees-up aspect of it, not least because the in-laws are paying for a lot of it. It's definitely true that girls do dream of the big white wedding far more and for far longer than most blokes, but that doesn't make them any more entitled in how it runs. For me, there's a lot of stuff that I'm not too fussed about; flowers, invitations, colour scheme etc. It's been nice because she's been able to have run of those things (which are more important to her) and it means I get more of a say in the things that matter to me, such as the music / pa system (no fat balding crappy DJ for us). Interestingly, the dress was one of the first things bought, and everything else has been selected to match that, with various swatches of cloth being carried round by the mother-in-law (which I still haven't seen) whenever we've to look at things like suits.
You lot need to stop generalising so much. I've never dreamed about my wedding. I've not spent my entire childhood & life planning it. I don't even ever want to get married as I have no plans to spawn and can't see what difference the bit of paper makes if you're not going to have kids. Maybe if I met someone and they really wanted to I would get married, but I can't see it happening now. It's not inbuilt in every female, it's probably more to do with how you're raised. I wasn't raised to be a little princess, so it's never bothered me. If I was to get married I'd be happy with a quick registry office signing of said useless paper and then down the pub where other people could buy me drink. Sorted. She shouldn't worry too much about her dress, most brides look back at their wedding photos and cringe anyway cos fashion is a fickle beast
Ofcourse not, and I wouldn't force any girl to wear what I like either. Lets pretend my wife to be told me that she isn't happy with the wedding dress she bought, and wants to go buy another one, I'd tell her to go find another man to marry while she's at it. My type of girl would either laugh at such a comment or slap me, and either way we'd end up doing it about 1 minute later, and she'd soon wake up and realise that there's no point being pedantic about the dress selection. If she was really worried about the dress, then I'd just let her know that she could turn up in a ballerina costume and I'd still marry her, and about 30 seconds later we'd be doing it again, and i'm pretty sure after doing it twice she'd be satisfied - with the dress aswell.
no offense, but she sounds like she's been getting spoiled. If that's the case then it will continue on into marriage. I'd start pinning some of this financial responsibility on her now rather than later. If you need to buy another dress.. set a limit, say however much you can sell the other one for (if she wants something more expensive she'll have to make up the difference). It could create a fight but you'd be setting some boundaries, which from the looks of it you may need to do. I could be wrong about this sure.. but I personally wouldn't want to be walked all over for the rest of my life.
just give her what she wants, you can use it for the the rest of your life. What!! you don't think two graphics cards aren't useful? Remember buying two dresses when the first one was perfectly serviceable?
... if only that actually worked. They can still find ways to make you feel guilty and/or punish you in some way. Besides, it's not really that healthy for a marriage to hold things over your spouses head. You either learn to forgive each other for wrongdoings or... you move on with your life.
I’ve just been at a wedding where it took the bride ages to find the right dress, which was then wrong and was consequently replaced, only to find that on the day, she didn't take the label off the back of the collar. Don’t get me wrong it was inside the dress but still glaringly obvious to everyone. And while she will expect you to help with the wedding your opinions on the dress will not be appreciated (unless it's possitive and on the wedding day), in hind’s sight agreeing on a fixed budget was about the best you could hope for. GL anyway though XD BTW tip of the day: Don't allow babies at your wedding, nothing worse than when all you can hear is a tiny pair of lungs producing a scream like a jet engine during your "Do you yaddayadda take...", this also happened on said day. Oh and they lost all their photos, but still..good luck
wow.. sell the wrong one, and get the new one. Just get over it, and make her seem like a queen. It will pay off on the honeymoon.
**** dude. That just makes my un-subsidized/no-aid private university education look like an absolute steal.
Got married last year, our entire marriage with 40+ people cost as much as your two dresses together THEN her parents came in and reordered the catering, drinks and services, making everything twice as expensive. they paid it completely Which is why I didn't care when they came in and made everything twice as expensive I'm really amazed by the fact that she wants to change dresses, as the original one was picked uncarefully... If she's uncareful when picking her dress, what'll she forget next? Naaahh, whiching you (both) all the best of luck!
