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My Father in law passed away early this morning..

Discussion in 'Serious' started by Solidus, 25 Jan 2010.

  1. Solidus

    Solidus Superhuman

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    It feels so surreal, I cant believe it...I only saw him last night as I spent hours trying to fix my partners router...he seemed completely fine...there was nothing reportedly wrong with him...he had smoked most his life quite heavily and he had a pint a day...he was 65 last september...I think that it all caught up with him now.

    My fiance phoned me in the early hours at 5am crying "I think my dads dead"...what?! "hes not breathing, the paramedics are trying to revive him""

    I panicked and grabed the first set of clothes I could and rushed to get to her..she opened the door and I could see right down the hallway until the end of the house were the bathroom was...paramedics trying frantically pumping him and trying to revive him...they tried for 25 minutes none stop...I just knew he was gone when they carried him past us to take him to the hospital...his eyes were open staring into nothing...there wasnt any life in him.

    He had collapsed in the bathroom..he had got up to go and my partners mother heard a thump...she investigated a couple of minutes later to find the bathroom light still on...she tried to open the door and couldnt...he had collapsed behind it...they struggled to open it and as they finally did, my partner tried to give him mouth to mouth and pump his chest as the operator on the phone told her...

    He had a medical last year and they said he was fine...everything seemed fine...but I cant help but think all those years of smoking and drinking...they caught up with him and his body finally gave in from it all...sometimes our bodys have reached their limit.

    They dont know what was the cause yet...they are doing a post-mortem tommorow and from there we will await the results...I think his heart gave up though.

    I feel so horrible for my partner...we were going to get married this august and we still will..but this has just made things even more complicated...he was going to be a grandad in april too from his sons wife...

    I'm ok....but I worry for my fiancee...what do I do to help her through this? how can I support her? What do I say?!

    I have thought about the future for months, planning our lives, the materialistic things, the adventures me and my fiance will have on holidays together....but this is surreal...people dying with no warning?! if it was some ailment or issue he was suffering from over time...we could accept it or deal with it...but in the blink of an eye!?!

    If anything I have learnt from this wakeup call...is not to plan too ahead....I will tell my family I love them everyday, let them know how happy I am, what they mean to me...no regrets over missed opportunities that way?
     
  2. Rkiver

    Rkiver Cybernetic Spine

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    Just be there for her. Let her know if she wants to talk or anything that you are there.

    And yes, sometimes people just drop dead. It's rare, but it happens. And you should make plans for the future. You cannot just throw it all away on the chance you might just drop any second. If we lived that way we'd all still be in caves.
     
  3. supermonkey

    supermonkey Deal with it

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    As she grieves, you can be there for her. Be an ear to listen, and a shoulder to cry on. Offer as much support as you can give during this time, and you'll still have the rest of your lives to plan for. You'll still have adventures and holidays, and you'll still have each other.
     
  4. Elton

    Elton Officially a Whisky Nerd

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    Just be there for her, comforting her and supporting her will help share the pain of death.

    I feel for you, I had a friend die unexpectedly.
     
  5. Pappy_Lazaru

    Pappy_Lazaru Bish bash bosh!

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    So sorry to hear about your loss...try to be strong and positive but dont hold back your emotions...its important to allow yourself to grieve...

    My thoughts are with you and your partner mate!
     
  6. Pappy_Lazaru

    Pappy_Lazaru Bish bash bosh!

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    My dad (also a lifelong smoker) has collapsed on a few occasions and fortunately he has made a full recovery each time...

    I think collapsing can be caused by blocked arteries, which I understand can be caused by smoking too...
     
  7. Red Eye

    Red Eye Member

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    It's coming up to a year since my grandmother passed away. It was a tough time for everyone as there was nothing wrong with her, she just literally "gave up" to the point that God had to take over, as if she chose to pass (she always was stubborn). Looking back on it, there were a few important things I did that helped me grieve and moarn for her in a way I could get closure.

    Try not to feel like it is only your burden to comfort your partner, in times like this, people will carry each other through. I know for your culture alot of family will be getting together and that will help. Whatever she needs, be ready to accomodate her. A death in the family is a tough ride, I'm sorry to hear that its happened close to you.
     
  8. Blademrk

    Blademrk Why so serious?

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    Sorry to here about that :( it's never an easy thing to go through.
     
  9. llamafur

    llamafur WaterCooled fool

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    I'm sorry for your loss. :(
    Some advice, don't let her mope around, this happened with my mom when her dad died. When my grandfather died my mom held it all in, she secluded herself at home and was in general "depressed." It isn't healthy to hold it in, and it is definitely sucks when your depressed.
     
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  10. thehippoz

    thehippoz New Member

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    sorry to hear.. yeah it'll take awhile to get over- I used to run laps around the track, that always helped blow off the pain

    wish you the best.. you sound like a good guy
     
  11. flame696

    flame696 Terminating People Since 1980....

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    Hi not to take over your thread but my father in law died last night at 6:15pm he had mouth cancer and we thought he was over the worst but it lookslike life had another twist. My wife is devestated she was his favourite daughter so i feel your pain i wish you all the best
     
  12. boiled_elephant

    boiled_elephant Whitelist Bit-Tech in your adblock!

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    This is one aspect of my future that I'm not sure how to safeguard against. I suppose you can't.

    You both have my condolences.
     
  13. flame696

    flame696 Terminating People Since 1980....

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    Thx boiled_elephant its greatly appriciated:thumb:
     
  14. Solidus

    Solidus Superhuman

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    Im sorry to here that flame...really I am...I wish you well in this difficult time mate..

    We found out on tuesday it was a heart attack. My partner said apparently his arteries were inflamed and it must have stopped the circulation enough for it to induce a heart attack.

    How the arteries became inflamed we are not sure but I cant help but feel the years of smoking and drinking caught up with him.
    If anything those were his only sins in life...but it was out our hands to change him..and god knows people tried.

    I just feel for my mother in law and partner and her brother...I hope they can get through this weekend...the funeral is sataday.

    Thanks for the support...what a shocker..still cant believe its real..
     
  15. Burnout21

    Burnout21 Is the daddy!

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    My partners grandfather passed last year, that was a shock. I got on better with him as he was closer to my dads age.

    Just to say it sucked, her family is still in pieces really but things like this take some serious time to heal. I still cant believe he is gone only met him a few times as well in the 4 years me and my partner have been together.

    i can only say, just be there and let them talk about it when there ready.
     

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