News NCA warns parents that kid coders could be cyber criminals

So much incompetence in that list it would be unbelievable if it wasn't so predictable!

"Are they interested in coding? Do they have independent learning material on computing?" should be followed by "Give them them a big well done hug, they are clearly aware of what it takes to be a productive 21st century citizen."

 

The problem is that most parents are so clueless about technology that they're more likely to believe this tripe than understand that little teenage Jimmy is just a geek

 

Good to know law enforcement agency like the NCA have such a good understanding of these new computer thingies and that Internet thing, i hear it's a breeding ground for bad guys.

 

Non-geeks also could tick some of that list. In fact, my 8 year old does.

 

Apart from the interest in coding, you have pretty much described my mid teen to early adult life once I got my first computer! ha ha ha that is so hilariously misguided it would be funny, if it was not so tragic.
How can the NCA really be trusted to manage modern cyber crime with a mindset like that!?

 

Instantly reminded me of this classic.

 

Hey, I know what's going down. I watch CSI: Cyber!

 

Damned, I started coding at the age of 9 and playing dice and paper RPG at the age of 12. I should be in prison. I'm a criminal ! I tell you, I'm a criminal !

Seriously ? RPG, video games ..... and now coders.

Maybe they are just smarter than most adults who prefere to watch XFactor rather than learning. Learnt coding alone at 9 (no internet in 1989, used books and magazines) because I was so bored at school. Adults told me I was weird ... I just had an IQ of 156. But as always, things you can't understand are weird and dangerous and cannot be trusted.

 

Mr Cameron likes your thinking, he said...

"There's hardly a crime drama where a crime is solved without using the data of a mobile communications device."

Great minds think alike, between you watching CSI: Cyber and Mr Cameron watching his crime dramas we have nothing to worry about.

 

You missed heavy metal off the list

Just another example of how the people in charge have absolutely no idea of how the real world works

 

*gasp*... They could they be a cyber criminal? or worse... watching Porn...

Be sure to report them to HMRC for tax evasion [and we'll dock your benefits while we're at it for undeclared income]

 

Up next on the UK Government clearly lost the plot:

Cyber Battle Royale, where kids accused of having looked at independent learning material have to hack into each others brain implants to blow them up before they get blown up themselves, last kid alive gets their eyes replaced with cctv cameras.

 

The list is stupid. Whoever made it needs to get the sack because they are clearly inept.

However, the document does at least acknowledge that the list identifies common teenage behaviours and not necessarily "cyber-criminals". The purpose of the document is clearly to encourage parents to take an interest in their kids computing activities and provide those parents with some direction on where their kids computing interest can be nurtured productively.

Parents taking responsibility for their kids is a sentiment that has been thrown around this site a lot when the Biritsh government do something moronic in the name of child safety. Such as Cameron's great firewall.

The word cyber needs to go. Its short for cybernetic which includes many disciplines and not just computing. Using it gives the appearance of complete lack of understanding of computing and cybernetics. Its sort of like seeing the word Interwebs on an official government document.

 

I think we all realise how idiotic this is, but let's see how that compares to my teenage years... Admittedly I was probably a bit older than the audience this was targeted at as I didn't start using the internet regularly at home until I was about 16 (in 1998).

-Is your child spending all of their time online?
As soon as I got my own modem and signed up for an ISP subscription, yes, pretty much. Before that I'd be in the library using their internet connection or using the school's ISDN-linked computer whenever I could.

-Are they interested in coding? Do they have independent learning material on computing?
Yes, and I had to go out of my way to learn about it too. [old man voice]In my day we didn't have the resources we do now, so we had to use a LIBRARY to find information![/old man voice] In fact the first computer I ever had, back when I was 4 years old, came with a complete BASIC reference, including game samples. I can remember copying out the examples at a very young age and even still had the tapes I saved them on until a few years ago.

-Do they have irregular sleeping patterns?
Yes. Very much so. What teenager doesn't?

-Do they get an income from their online activities, do you know why and how?
Fair point, I didn't do that. But it was a lot harder to make money on the internet back then.

-Are they resistant when asked what they do online?
Yes, because my parents would have found the notion of staying up until 2/3am chatting on IRC to people on the other side of the globe to be completely daft.

-Do they use the full data allowance on the home broadband?
I had a second phone line installed solely for use by my modem. I wrote scripts that used to automatically redial the connection after the forced 1hr/2hr disconnection of early dialup packages. I worked out how to bypass and remove the full-screen advertising that the first "free"ISP (as in, 0800 telephone number and subscription free) used to foist on you. I'm afraid broadband wasn't a thing back then, so do those count instead?

-Have they become more socially isolated?
I was socially isolated before the internet came along.

 

Does the Open University Certificate of Higher Education in Computing and IT count as independent learning material on computing? If so maybe we should think about reporting them to the NCA.

 

Forget about teenage years, apparently I'm likely to be involved in cyber crime now going by that list, although I suppose income from ebay hardly counts but due to their vague list it can go into that bullet point.

 

I'm waiting for the whole thing to come full circle. All you need now is for hair greasing, tattooed, motorcycle enthusiasts to be the social norm. Wait...

 

David Cameron: putting the 'dick' in dictatorship.



When he is not putting it in pigs, that is.

 

They seem to have changed the list to a slightly more sensible set now, though they still seem to push the "tell us what you do online, or you're a criminal" really hard.

Gotta get the population used to snooping real young!