Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
One day, Mr. Purple, the purple man, wakes up in his purple house. He gets out of his purple bed and walks over his purple carpet to his purple window and looks out upon the purple land. He doesn't like the purple weather, so he puts on some purple clothes, goes down the purple street, to the purple travel agent and asks if they have any last minute purple deals. They do! Two days later Mr. Purple is sitting on a purple plane flying to his tropical destination. He reclines in his purple seat while the purple stewardess brings him purple drinks. All of a sudden the plane is in a nose dive, and ditches in the purple water. Mr. purple is the sole survivor on the purple plane who makes it to the purple liferaft. He passes out. When he wakes up he's lying on a purple beach. He stands up on the purple sand and looking out over the purple ocean he screams 'Oh no! I'm marooned!'
There were three nuns, they all told the priest that they were going to do one sin each. So the priest says ok, do your sins, come back, and I'll bless you. So, they went to do their sins and came back to get blessed. The priest asked the first one who was laughing what her sin was. She said, "I had sex with a guy." The priest said ok, blessed her and said go drink some holy water. So she did! The next one was laughing harder, and the priest asked her what her sin was. She said, "I got in a fight with another nun." So he says ok, blessed her and told her to go drink some holy water. So she did! The priest asked the last one who was laughing even harder what she did. And as she was laughing she said, "I pissed in the holy water!"
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
An eskimo breaks down in the middle of nowhere, and calls the AA. He sits in his freezing car for a while, as the AA man checks under the bonnet, until eventually the AA man comes to the window and says 'You've blown a seal' to which the eskimo replies 'No... that's just frost on my beard'.
A little old lady went into a bank, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" The bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 A.M., the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet, "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 A.M. today, I'd have the bank president's balls in my hand." :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
ok ive seen sum reall god 1s now im gonna open my dirty mind what did 1 big fat rich lesbian say to the other big fat rich lesbian its hard to find good servix around here it was this rich guys bday and he said im gettin baord so he rings a prosty she cum and they start getting undressed she looks at his dick she goes 2" omg ive had bigger starts to laugh so the rich guy clicks his fingers it grows she goes 4" man ur small the guy says i can fix that clicks em again 8" cum on to small so he continues till he gets to 32" she goes ok ok thats big enough so they get in bed she on top and she gets on and screams ohhh its to big so he goes i can fix that and claps his hand it goes to 16" she continues she screams again arrgh to big he claps his hands again 8" so they start ****ing she goes im tired i cant go on he go can i sing for while u sit on my cock she goes ok so he sing i wish (click) i was (clap) a poor (click) boy (clap) tell me if u want more
