I don't know how to start this, but please note, I would feel exactly the same if I were sober (I'm a little tipsy atm (drunk)) Right, I don't know what to start with other than where did I go wrong? Back story: There's 2 girls I'm in to. Simple. They're both awesome, each in their own way. I like them each the same. Meh. Right, well one the other night says round, stuff gets, erm, well intimate, and she says no, she "Doesn't want to be the course ****", fair enough, don't have an issue, we just talk 'till 7am. I don't hear from her until I text her asking where abouts she is (she was out tonight), she's in her ex's bed... Well why the **** didn't you tell me??!?!? Thanks for that. The other girl? The one I have pretty good feelings for? Well, we had pre-drinks at our flat (not hers) and I invited her over, she came over blah blah blah, she decided to come out in the end and well, I don't know, it's like she's avoiding me, yet yesterday she was more than happy to spend an entire day with me. I just don't get it, I really don't. Guys, where the **** did I go wrong? I'm heading out again to try and make a good night out of this, but.. I doubt I will.. Help me Bit-tech, you're my only hope ( pretty much..)...
I heard a rumour that there is an extremely successfull pickup artist floating around the forums.... I forget his name however It was something like Mitsubishi or Lancer or something to do with that car iirc
Maybe girl two heard you tried it on with girl 1 and is unhappy about this...? Much like you hearing about girl 1 being with someone else. My 2p
Thanks, but the pick up is not what I need, it's the actual making an impact.. Apparently spending 6 hours with someone helping her with her coursework, making her laugh etc etc. is not enough to even warrant a conversation with her on a night out : Not a chance tbh, different courses, different halls, don't know each other.
mmm mars' i'll give you some honest feedback. when i younger i couldnt talk to women and even if i wanted to they paid me not a single drop of attention....i got a bit older and started to focus on myself and before i knew it i was getting attention of loads of women, they come and talk to me, smile at me etc.. what im trying to say is forget about them, there's plenty more girls out there, when i was that nice guy who sat there and listened to girls and their women problems all night long and was late for work cause i was tired the next morning and when i did them favours i didnt get anywhere with them. just focus on yourself, success, dedication to yourself and friends and ambition will attract them to you. also if you use facebook to talk to girls, having female friends really attracts women to you for some reason aswell. <<this will find you a woman one way to put it aswell is what my friend says...its so wrong that it works but its really so true...women love jerks, which they often abuse this technique to take "things" further. he often says "i'd rather be the d**khead banging them, than the nice guy listening to the problems and not getting nowhere << this will find you a bang dont take this as me being cocky or a horrible person, im just telling you what works and what ive seen work.
I can attest to this slightly myself, as disappointed by that fact as I may be... When I was younger I was always the nice guy, woulda never taken the piss out of a girl, teased her about anything or been generally mean in any way whatsoever. The other guys I knew would have done the opposite and I always figured the girls would eventually figure out that they were all cocks and realise they wanted someone nice. Never happened. Fast forward a bit, I have a lot more friend girls (who its ok to take the piss out of) and therefore I learn how to do that kind of thing - without being a cock. I meet a girl in work, slag her off endlessly (nothing cruel ofc, just general banter) and now we've been together two and a half years. There's no accounting for taste I guess. One thing I will say, it has to be a natural occurrence in yourself. If your natural inclination is still to be a 1000% nice guy then stick with it, last thing you want is to come across as fake. I'm not saying I turned into a jerk in the last few years, I just learned what isn't going to far when slagging a girl off. I know that doesn't really help you right now though... How about just ask her, straight up? Not in a clingy, needy way, just say you noticed something was different when you were out.
mars... Seems to me that girl 1 has put you in the "Friend Zone"... That means: You're good enough to hang out with (when there are no better plans), to help her with coursework, to stay up and chat all night and even make out a little bit.... But when things get hot and heavy... she'll back out and leave you all hot and bothered. Girl 2 seems to just be playing hard to get... They like to play games with us. As October has mentioned; there is a fine line you have to walk when dealing with girls... Be too much of a nice guy and you're automatically put in the friends zone. Be too much of a dick and she'll dismiss you as being just nasty and disrespectful. So you have to learn to balance the niceness with the bad-boy-ness in order to get results.
As stated above, I would consider dropping girl 1 into your own friend zone. If she "Doesn't want to be the ****" yet is in her ex's bed then... well you should be able to figure that one out. As for girl 2, just keep working at it. next time you see her be a bit of a dick about why she didn't respond/avoiding you. Don't be mean to her about it but just giver her a hard time about avoiding you.
Girl 1 isn't being a **** by going back to sleep in her ex's bed. Well not by her standards anyway. I wouldn't put her in friend zone. Just do as I will advise with Girl 2. Girl 2 is just being aloof to play the love game. You have to strike a balance by using negs (negative compliments ie the gentle slagging mvagusta was talking about) and not relentless texting her. I'll admit sometimes I get carried away, for instance the girl I am currently seeing: to start off with I was all a bit forward. After a few weeks of her not reciprocating my feelings (basically I was ready to jump into relationship she was not) I cooled off a bit. Not like ignoring her, but not using such gushing language, texting her a bit less frequently and not asking her to do stuff all the time. Admittedly, i find this very hard. I knew almost as soon as I met her I wanted to be with her and I took me a few weeks to realise that the feeling wasn't instantly mutual. This hurt me, but then I figured thats normal and I can make her feel the way I feel with time. Thats a good lesson to learn. Oh and it must have worked as we are going away to Nepal together after only knowing each other for 8 weeks. Got a bit introspective there, sry!
mmm i agree with the guys above, they're all talking the truth, relationships are tricky to find these days (good ones anyway) but girls really do like to play games...my gf did for ages when i used to ask her out (she said "no" at least 10 times, all within good time as well :/), then i started to cool off, she'd call and i'd ignore it, or she'd text and i'd text her back the next morning instead. women reeeeeally cant stand when you do that, but a part of them loves it and they seem to really get interested after you do this. i think what goes through their head is "WHY IS HE INTO ME!" and they start to think maybe they're not good enough, which makes them think "OF COURSE I AM!" and then they start to ring and call you all the time, before you know it, you ll have more tail chasing you than you could've imagined, my proof is that my son is the outcome of my ignoring the girl i really liked till i got her attention enough that she realised that if she didnt get with me, theres plenty of other women out there that are looking for a nice guy like me. the same applies to you, you seem to be a nice person (from what you say), don't give her your whole attention and whole day. theres many other women out there, let someone else be her "cry on your shoulder" guy, you focus on yourself, your course and your friends. if she doesn't get with you after she's realised you're such a catch, she will regret it (trust me this is a good feeling when you find out lol) and probably tell you. you go to uni, theres many other girls there, give it time and you'll meet someone else, try get out to as many events, clubs etc. network and you'll meet more girls, find the ones who aren't really your time and put them in your "friend zone" when you have a circle (or even a few female friends) of them, this is when you'll be meeting more women. for a good way to play the game i have 2 things you should do: read: Robert Greene - The art of seduction (art or law - either one, iirc) watch: He's just not that into you (watch how the main guy gets whatever he wants and take some pointers)
Girl 1, I wouldn't worry about too much. It depends what you're interested in. If you're after a relationship, steer clear. But if you just want some fun, just carry on and see what happens. If you can avoid getting too emotional or sentimental about it, just let what happens happen and enjoy it. Girl 2 is an interesting one. I find myself in a similar position, but with the added advantage of her being my best friend, and thus getting an insight into why it goes like this, although clearly the reasons may be very different for you. In my case, she quite simply doesn't want a relationship at the moment as she doesn't want to get hurt again after what happened wih a guy last year. And i don't think it's just not wanting one, I think she's scared of it as well, since at one point she implied that she was falling for me more than she had wanted or expected to, and that appeared to scare her. The other thing is that at the moment all she really wants to do is have fun and be free. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that with girl 2, there may not be a lot that you can do, life is not as simple as just asking someone out and getting a clear indication of whether they like you or not. As for the acting differently around you at different times, her emotions will change and so will her actions if she's confused, scared or not sure what she wants. Girls are just as prone to uncertainties as we are. Hope that helps.
And this is why I love bit-tech. Right, girl 1 (the one that stayed round) has apologized Wasn't expecting that, she said sorry if she led me on, kinda did, but hey, **** happens. Girl 2? Not heard from her, just going to leave it, if she texts me then cool, but I'm not going to waste unlimited texts on chasing her, I'll leave it a few days before I make contact. As for the fact it's not as simple just asking someone out? Learnt that during school >.< But yeah. Thanks all.
np *thumbs up* check out the movie i suggested above^ its an alright watch even just for entertainment purposes.
Girl 1: ISSUES! She'd rpolly have shagged you if youhad pushed a little. And after that she'd still have ended up doing her ex. I don't know the girl or the ex, but that's what it sounds like to me. As was mentioned earlier, Giant red warning signs and alarm bells should be order of the day, until she gets her head straight again, and doesn't let her ex rule her around. Whatever your relationship with her is, it's not worth pursuing until such a point. Girl 2: it seems to me you're risking "Friend zone" here. My advice - as her about it. As was suggested earlier (by Maverick), be cool about it. If she doesn't wanna talk, that's cool. if she does, then cool. Ask as if it's really more of a polite question, not "OMG! WHAT DID I DO WRONG? QQ". My advice (from a very limited scope of information)? Unless you see warning signs of psycho with Girl 2, the shot is there. Take it, but take it smart - Go out again, but spend a good bit of time talking to random hot chick #24 that comes along, introduce some "competition" to the table, and make her jump through your hoops. Don't try to impress too much, nor be TOO nice. g'luck
First: remember that us geeks are not relationship experts. I mean, just because Evo got lucky... (and most of that was down to his own personal charm, not members' well-meant-but-oh-so-wrong-in-many-ways advice). Now, down to your question. It is so simple I can't get over how you didn't see it yourself: Girl 1: can you spell rebound? Of course you can. Girl 2: You only saw her yesterday. Just because you didn't see her today doesn't mean she's lost interest. Catastrophise much? Jeez.
Women man, it has to be said in a non-sexist, loving sort of way, they make no sense whatsoever, or at least, as men we are just incapable of getting our heads around it. They confuse me endlessly, even in the simplest of situations, say for instance going shopping, everything's a nightmare to us because we simply aren't on the same wavelength!
Interesting fact of the day - one of the mods at bit-tech reckons discussions about girls do not belong in the "serious" forum any longer. I could be 150% wrong, but for some reason... Bindi, I'm looking in your direction.
