Rant On the train...

Chivalry isn't dead but sadly some women are trying to kill it in the name of feminism (much to the horror of women who appreciate chivalry).

I would have given her a mischievous grin and told her she was cute when angry. then boarded the train and left her there - OK, that's what I later would have wished I'd done - and it could have caused even more problems. I would more likely have stood in front of her and held the door for others (completely ignoring her) or else just shrugged and got on as she ranted (once again ignoring her).

Actually I find that here it's the younger generation (some early 20s but mostly teens) that think they are the center of the world and expect (even demand) to be catered too.

So it's not just us guys that get that more from women then I can understand the "don't want to encourage any guys to approach me" thing but why would they treat other women that way as well?

Ah, I try to be polite to everyone anyway - it's part of who I am (and it generally gets better results anyway).

 

Yes, but if they had, and in the process had roughed him up, you would have been angry at them for hurting him. Because despite what was apparently going on, the dynamics of your relationship were by your own admission a bit more complex than "abusive guy beats up poor helpless girl".

This illustrates nicely why some people are wary to intervene. You never quite know what is really going on, and your well-intentioned act may end up being taken the wrong way by the very people you tried to help.

 

Oh no, I would have been happy for him to be distracted enough for me to run away (as had happened before). What really p***ed me off was the way they were all shouting angrily at him until he said I was fine and they just said "oh alright mate" and walked off. Why bother saying anything at all.

 

What did you say?

 

I screamed "help!" But apparently that translates to "it's fine we're just messing, move along". I won't ever bother shouting for help again.

 

Next time (hypothetically) say to the group "No I'm not fine, I want to get away from him. Can you get me to a taxi?". Address one of them specifically and you pin down the whole group.

The reason they walked off is because they did not know what to do with the situation. People are not that bright with unexpected ambiguity...

 

No offence Nexxo, but that seems a bit rose-tinted. When you're having the crap beaten out of you (not sure if it's something you've ever experienced going on this) you can be doing well just to get out a shout, let alone a sentance aimed at a specific person who's on the other side of the road. The guys really should have stuck around a bit longer or investigated more. Forced themselves into the situation just that little bit more, before just walking of.

 

And don't forget kids- if you ever see an adult look at you the wrong way, run screaming to the nearest house, hammer on the door and get them to phone the police

 

How awful for you. I can't imagine having to deal with that jetlagged.

I guess I'm lucky like that I mainly get old ladies who don't stop talking and tell you every part of their life story and then go on to show you pictures of their grandchildren and "Oh! I should introduce you to my grandson.."

Reminds me of that quote from Family Guy "I know you're a feminist and I think that's adorable.." -Peter Griffin

Imagine how polite we'd all be at a bit-tech meet! "You go first, no no.. I insist.. why thank you ever so much.."

 

Seen this first hand - girl cries for help, but when you help, the same girl & her friends & family cry for you to stop intervening & for you to "stop making more trouble" cos things are "ok now" - even the cops say we can't do much other than warn him unless she says so, unless the injuries are "serious" then we don't need her permission. In other words, bruises or a little black eye or red marks & scratches aren't serious. Broken bones, major black eye, major bleeding, etc are what they class as "serious" Stealing or damaging a few cars however is worse than bashing your girl a little i guess

EG: It's like "bash, bash, bash" then girl cries "help me" then it's like, "ok, stop making trouble, we're ok now" then a couple of months later return to "EG"

 

My ex did that, it annoyed the crap out of me.

I have a 7inch mohawk, I think we can't seriously expect people to not be prejudiced.

 

Ha! I get told to **** off from clubs because I have long hair... And it's not even that long!

 

Or perhaps it is not that simple. I doubt that Hex had the utter crap beaten out of her (in such an unambiguous situation, the group would probably have done more than just ask if she's OK). Remember:

Moreover note that she talks about how she and the assailant are still mates --this was not simply a matter of abusive asshole beats up on poor little girl (as she herself admits). If the group had intervened and beat the crap out of him, I wonder how Hex would have felt about it. Although she just wanted them to distract him so she could run off, chances were that it would have gone well beyond distracting him, to putting him in hospital or worse. On whose side would she have been testifying?

My sense is that this was not the first fight between Hex and her ex. My advice is to always leave the relationship after the first punch. As a client of mine once said: "I blame him for the first beating, but myself for the ones that followed. I wasn't a victim anymore then. I knew what he was like. I chose to stay with him". I think that Hex is taking responsibility for her own choices, but that means that she can't put this one on the group.

 

Apart from the fact that you're wrong. You see, that did happen (more than once) and I did not take his side or defend him. I told him he deserved it. I don't really like being told what I would do, especially when it has in fact happened.

I am still miffed at those lads, and think I have every right. If they had no intention of doing anything to break it up they should have walked past and said nothing like everyone else did.

This thread is really OT now and to be honest I am sick of talking about my previous abusive relationship, so I won't be posting in this thread again.

 

Really the best response in a situation like this would be "I'm rick james bitch, enjoy yourself" and then walk off.

I should have put that down earlier instead of the drop kick idea.

It's a shame but I have to say most women (most, not all) do seem to have an inner nutter inside them. Then again I guess most guys have an inner immature muppet inside them as well so it's a fair trade.

 

I do not mean to speak out of turn or make judgements about something that is none of my business anyway. All I'm saying is that things were obviously a bit more complex in that scenario than they may at face value appear (even to me). Personally I feel that although it was wrong for the group, or anyone else, to just walk on by, you cannot disregard your own contribution in that particular situation.

But my original point was that it is really hard, as an onlooker, to judge what has really been going on when a couple fight, and to intervene in that can turn out to have, well, unexpected and complicated consequences.

 

Well, seems that everyone who is given even an ounce of power over others will abuse this as far as possible.

This took place a couple of years ago.
It was mid summer and, for this country at least, it was excessively hot - somewhere in the region of 35C and the time was around 2100 hours. I and a group of friends was out to celebrate someones birthday, can't remember whose at the moment, but that's what it was. None of us was drunk or anything like that, but we were in good spirit and was laughing and talking amongst ourselves - you know; ready for a good night out. So, we made our way towards one of the local watering holes, and there is this big steroid-pumped brute equipped with a full-on porn-donut guarding the door. As it happened I arrived at the door first, driving licence and wallet in-hand ready to ID myself and pay for my entrance whereupon the brute promptly stepped sideways and blocked the door. I could not be allowed in he said and dismissed me with a wave of his hand whilst gesturing for the others that they could make their entrance.
As I said this was a very hot evening, and as such I was dressed in light clothes (we all were by the way). However, I have tattoos - a couple of which was partly visible due to my light summer clothings. So, as all of us started objecting to Grogs refusing me entrance it turned out that he simply did not like my tattoos, but also that he really had no need to justify himself to us.
So, we decided to leave this place and try out another bar which incidentally was right next door. As we discussed this amongst ourselves in a loose huddle Grog had conferred with one of his muscle-pumped colleagues. We moved around the corner to the next bar and hoped laughingly, though somewhat annoyed, that we wouldn't get any kind of trouble there and that soon all ours thirsty throats would be sated. But no dice; it turned out that Grog and his compadres had spread the word around to deny us access because we were difficult, obviously drunk and whatnot.

All this because I happen to have a few tattoos - none of which are derogatory to any ethnical groups or anything like that. Just plain tattoos.

On a side note we eventually found a place that let us in and served us throughout the night.

I concider myself a nice and polite guy. I let old people have my bus seat should I ever travel by bus. I hold the doors open when people come in behind me. Sometimes I even let people ahead of me in line for groceries if they just carry a magazine and a pack of gum. I am an honest and polite man for crying out loud, yet still I get treated this way. And all you other guys on here are right; how often nowadays do you hear a simple "thank you?"

Don't get me started on road manners - just don't.

 

Speaking of being nice on trains, I have a slightly nicer story.

On a train to Edinburgh to stay with the other half's folks and I went to the food car to get some munchies.
The guy in front of me didn't have enough cash (or had only a £50 and they couldn't accept it, can't remember which).
Anyway, he was desperate for a drink and as he couldn't buy a drink, he was asking for just a cup of water from the tap.
She was telling him he couldn't cos it wasn't safe to drink and he was saying he didn't care cos he was so thirsty.

Anyway, I said I'd buy his bottle of juice and the smiles from both him and the server lady were heart-warming.
The server lady even gave me a free cuppa on the sly with the food I bought.

 

These two statements are the same when it comes to Train Beverages.

 

Hahaha .