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opinions on this matter please? (rather sticky situation)

Discussion in 'General' started by Jaxx, 17 Jan 2006.

  1. Jaxx

    Jaxx What's a Dremel?

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    Subject: Best friend(who has a girlfriend/wife[I think], and a 2 year old boy) is flirting with my long term girlfriend.

    Jill(not her real name) and I have been going out for about 1.5 years, we've known each other for 6 years(total), and have been best friends for 2 years prior to dating.

    Steve(not his real name) has always been flirtatious, and he slept with his current girlfriend(they're not married..yet?) and had a little boy who is 2 years old now.

    Steve has been flirting with Jill on most of the outings that we all go on, asking her a ton of questions that are the same each time he sees her. He asks me how she is doing every second time I see him or so, and asks me to say "hi for him". On her birthday, he sent her an e-mail wishing for all the best bla bla bla, from Steve and only from steve...not "from Steve, Steve's g/f, and Steves son"

    Yesterday, Steve/Steve's g/f/son were about to head for home and they are all saying goodbyes and crap and he looks right at Jill and winks at her. In front of his girlfriend/wife/woman who bore his son and in front of his son. That is where I draw the line.

    Jill doesn't see what Steve does or takes note at what he says to her, but after telling her what Steve does she thinks it's kind of odd. We've all ben out of high school now for 4 years so it's not some emo sh*t razor blade goodbye I'm leaving the forums bs.

    I'm a pretty patient guy but I don't take any garbage from anyone. I took boxing for 5 years so nothing bothers me.

    My question is, What do you guys/gals (preferably older people) think of what Steve is doing, how you would approach and say/do to him? I don't want to kill the friendship
     
  2. Cheap Mod Wannabe

    Cheap Mod Wannabe What's a Dremel?

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    I think I would have to know the person well to choose the "more appropiate" approach. Surely trying to make him imagine being in his girlfriends situation would help, if the guy is not too trippy.
     
  3. bort

    bort What's a Dremel?

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    If "Jill" is fine with things as they are, and is into you and not "Steve" I wouldn't get worried about it. I'm excessively paranoid about relationships and I've found its often better to ignore something than to deal with it.

    Or, you could punch him in the face (just kidding)
     
  4. Liquid K9

    Liquid K9 Human programmer.. heh

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    beat the crap out of him, who cares if hes a flirt by nature, pulling that stuff a) in front of you b) in front of his 'other half' and b) in front of his kid is deplorable.

    edit:

    I suppose you could just threaten to do as such, but not quite as satisfying I guess.
     
  5. specofdust

    specofdust Banned

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    Talk to him, see what he says, then talk to your own girlfriend, she what she says. If neither agree that its a problem, then lose them both. If the guy agrees its a problem make him agree not to do it anymore, if your girlfriend agrees its a problem let the guy know that unless he stops it theres going to be very little further contact with you and your girlfriend.
     
  6. :: vic ::

    :: vic :: Married to the Mod

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    Your best friend asks how your girlfriend is and wishes her a happy birthday...how dare he!! :p

    Personally I think you're overreacting, there's no harm in a bit of flirting, in fact the people I flirt the most with are my husbands best friends.

    If you trust your girlfriend it shouldn't be a problem, if it really bothers you that much then ask him not to flirt so much with her, he is your best mate so you should be able to talk to him without it being a big deal.
     
  7. :: kna ::

    :: kna :: POCOYO! Moderator

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    You do what now?!
     
  8. :: vic ::

    :: vic :: Married to the Mod

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    You love it.
     
  9. specofdust

    specofdust Banned

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    *shuffles gently out of the thread carefully, and without raising any notice, before things go esplodey*
     
  10. FuzzyOne

    FuzzyOne

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    I think your being a little too paranoid, If you are wrong you'll look like an idiot and ruin 4 freindships
     
  11. Mad-Axl

    Mad-Axl What's a Dremel?

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    Are you sure Steve and Jill aren't at it?
     
  12. Godboy_g

    Godboy_g What's a Dremel?

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    I think you should buy a machette, and a hockey mask, and then go and "visit" with you mate, and explain to him that he is not allowed to go out in public anymore, and especially to not look at or interact at all with the opposite sex. If he disagrees, chop of a limb. That means he gets 4 chances to agree before he has no choice in the matter........... :dremel:

    Seriously, I think you might be over reacting a bit. That might just be the way he acts around people. He probably doesn't even realize he's being inappropriate. I'm sure if you just mention it to him, and tell him that it makes you/your girlfriend uncomfortable, He'll stop.

    And if not, there's always Plan B listed above :D
     
  13. fatty

    fatty Minimodder

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    If jill hasn't got a problem with it then do exactly the same thing to Steve's wife/gf see if he stops doing it or see if jill gets annoyed then point out your only doing what Steve does to her??
     
  14. Nexxo

    Nexxo * Prefab Sprout – The King of Rock 'n' Roll

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    No, no, no.

    Whatever itch "Steve" has to scratch, the infidelity he demonstrates towards his girlfriend is their problem. I think it is safe to say that he got bored with their relationship, and is looking for greener grass on the other side.

    All you have to ask yourself is: do you trust your girlfiend? If you do, there is no worry. If you don't, the problem lies between you and your girlfriend, and Steve is just a moderating variable, so to speak.

    Then you have to ask: is Steve's behaviour bothersome or intrusive to either your girlfriend, or you, or both? In that case you have to confront him. But not by fighting or argueing --that will just confuse the issue (or allow him to evade it), but by sharing your observations, and telling him how you and your girlfriend feel about it. If he is your friend, you will be able to talk to him as friends.

    Say that whatever goes on between him and his girlfriend is his business, but his flirting does bother you/your girlfriend. If he trivialises it, say that whatever he feels, it doesn't feel trivial to you and if he is your friend, he'll respect that.

    If he starts maudling about how he really likes your girlfriend and that his girlfriend just isn't the same anymore, tell him that he needs to address that with his own girlfriend.
     
  15. dom_

    dom_ --->

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    how much do you charge per hour?
     
  16. <A88>

    <A88> Trust the Computer

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    Beg ya' pardon?

    <A88>
     
  17. dom_

    dom_ --->

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    was aimed at nexxo incase i ever have an icky break up etc :D
     
  18. yodasarmpit

    yodasarmpit Modder

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    I think to judge the situation we would need to know the person.

    Does Steve consider himself a friend of Jill's, or is he exclusivly your friend and not hers.

    My best friend is married and has kids, but I also see his wife as a good friend of mine, in fact just last weekend the two of us went out drinking for the night whilst my friend went home (very early start at work in the morning) and I can't see any issue there.

    So as I said without fully understanding the situation, or knowing the person, none of us here can make a valid judgement.
     
  19. Xenred

    Xenred What's a Dremel?

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    Hmm Go and wallop Steve in the balls and shout stay away from my lass!! lol j/k
    tell Jill how you feel and ask if she notices anything in steves behaviour
     
  20. Jaxx

    Jaxx What's a Dremel?

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    Thanks for the replies guys/gals. I'm more calmed down and know what to do
     

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