Parents exaggerate their happiness to validate their choice to have children

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20110304/sc_livescience/momdadkidthemselvesoverthejoyofparenting

Nothing like a little self delusion to make everything better!

 

Don't people do this with everything? You make the wrong choice for whatever reason and rather than confront your mistake you focus on the bright side, look at the benefits of your choice and start adding more value until those areas until your choice is the right one again. It likely happens more than we like to think.

 

No ****? It's called 'cognitive dissonance reduction'. It's a well-known psychological phenomenon.

 

Having kids meant my wife gave up work, losing us 50k a year. Don't go on as many holidays, had to buy a bigger house, fewer toys for me, sometimes get really irritated, etc. However; wouldn't trade my kids for anything, they are a joy.

I'm not sure what parent would say after looking at their balance sheet 'damn that was a waste of money' bizarre 'study'.

 

The first thing I thought of was cognitive dissonance reduction; looks like Nexxo beat me to it. Still, I wonder what the response would be from a third group of parents who were asked the parenting questions without the prompt of either financial costs or later support from their children.

 

we have kids for one reason, survival of species, if we all looked at how much it costs to have kids, the human species would die out

 

Be a bloody good party

 

That was the first thing that came to my mind: what a bizarre "study".

 

I still don't understand why people intentionally make kids.

What's the point? Really?


(Just think about it for a while)

 

Have you asked your parents?

 

The study doesn't say that children don't provide emotional satisfaction, only that those confronted with the costs are more likely to emphasize this satisfaction to justify their decision. The key is "exaggerated emotional value", not fictional emotional value.

Also, thanks Nexxo and supermonkey. Never knew this behaviour had a name for it.

 

Sure. Our little guy has cost over a million already, but we're enjoying every minute we have with him.

Is it expensive? Sure. do I get less toys? No, I play with his too. What is priceless is having a child that should never survive live and so far act normally. Do we downplay the problems? Hell yes, but there's still a LOT of joy to be had.

 

i wondered that too, and also the ages of the parents and ages of their children. plus, 80 parents is not a very large group.

"The costs of raising children motivate parents to idealize parenthood," the authors write. "The perceived joys of parenthood may thus be a rationalization of the high costs of having children."

while the above may be at least partially true, i think there is much more to the picture when it comes to the idealization of parenthood. for instance, younger parents being more likely to do so.

 

Why should I? They probably understand. (Unless I was an accident, something that is a real possibility) I Still don't, and won't understand.

And to be honest, at this point I don't want to understand.

 

Mine! Seriously...


Anyway, to the story: although trying to justify reproduction via purely aesthetic means (feelings) does seem to be a bit fallacious, I fail to see the relevance of why people need to justify having children in the first place. Yes, it's expensive, yes there are quite a few chemicals cascading wildly through the parents heads causing a euphoria surrounding the idea of children, but that's missing the point entirely. To put it as bluntly as one can: people die. A lot. We die consistently, and quite suddenly. To prevent our species from completely dropping dead altogether, we copulate and try to replace ourselves (at minimum) before we die so as to continue the species along for a while more. Yes there are couples that are quite prolific in their copulatory prowess that kind of over-do it a bit, but these are becoming less frequent, and don't need be considered within the context of my argument.

The message I'm trying to say? F*** each other: as it's the only way to prevent extinction.

 

Why do they keep regurgitating the same old studies?

Saying that though I think it's the first one I've seen regarding the 'economic value' of children. I didn't know they were an investment option.

I'm always amazed by the things that actually get funding...

 

OMG, who cares what a forced study tells us. It's just like the rubbish tabloids running "Polls" of the "Dial 01 if you think it's wrong to give unemployment benefit to migrants". You're swaying the answer with the question!

Hey, I know how much our kids cost us. 1st thing is, we had to pay up front for private IVF (Dual mum household), then we ended up with twins, I gave up my very nicely paid job and my other half went part time, so we increased our expenditure massively and reduced our then income by about 90%. Double ouch.

Do I give a **** about the cost? No.
Is it all worthwhile because I know they'll look after me when I'm old and grey? No, it's worthwhile no matter what.

Do I wish I wasn't skint?

Oh yeah

 

I think, like with all things, this applies to some people. We have friends that I see genuinely happy with their kids (and don't go on and on about it) and we see friends that, when exposed to life with out kids, seem downright resentful about their choice (but love to tell you how happy they are).

Between the 2 groups we have discovered a simple fact: those that aren't dedicating themselves 100% of every minute of every day to their kids seemed more complete while those who's entire lives revolved around their kids were more bitter. The latter also seemed incapable of having an adult conversation with out mentioning their kids.

Our conclusion is that if you don't leave space for yourself, your interests and your personal growth as an adult; there is a big chance you will be or appear to be resentful of your children.

 

This is so true, it dawns on you very early that most people aren't as interested in your kids as you are

I very rarely, if ever, mention my kids unsolicited in a conversation and avoid people who do.

 

Kids are like farts. You revel in your own but but find other peoples annoying.

If you have to justify having kids from a financial perspective you had them for the wrong reasons. How ever you should be aware as to how much they cost. I'm having these discussions atm as the wife wants to start a family, me not so much.