my dad came to visit my bro and i at short notice (he let us know about a day and a half in advance, as opposed to the month or so), and dropped a bombshell on us. he's going to get married again. in a month. to the woman he cheated on our mother (god rest her soul) with. even though he told usa year ago he never planned on getting married ever again ("i've had my fill of that..."). and we aren't going to be at the wedding ( they are getting a quicky with the jp or something out where they live in reno). so much to ponder. like the morons who are going to be my step-brothers (basically...they are chav equivalents). a step-mother, who i've only met twice (seems nice enough). holidays are gonna feel awkward (more so than they do now...). i hope it doesn't make our wedding feel... odd (can't think of any other way to put it). it's taken me a long time to reconcile my folks divorce. mum didn't get a chance to re-marry (damn cancer. her passing is still hard to accept). i'm not exactly sure what i'm feeling....
Well, whatever goes on I'm sure you'll be ok. Thats kinda messed up your dad didn't tell you whats going down, bet its hard to face that, but I still think you should support him if they really love each other... Well, anyhoo, I'm not one to judge or make desicions, but life really can't fail, so feal good
ouch man, that's heavy. My greatest sympathies for your issues, that's never something that's easy to deal with. My parents have never had a good relationship, and even though there not divorced at the moment i know that it's coming at some point or another, but in some way i've seen it coming so it's not as bad i guess. I really understand how you feel about your mother, i lost my grandfather to lung cancer a little over a year ago, and i have never had something affect me so much, I still to this day cannot think about it for to long. Just remember that the holidays will pass, the awkward family moments will eventually get less awkward, and you've always got your friends to moan to over a pint not to mention all of us here on bit-tech
I feel so sorry for you. Damn when it rains it pours eh? How old are you? Can you go start out on your own?
thanks y'all fgod: well, he lied to us for 20 years ( of course we didn't find out until mum actually caught him...she'd been accusing him for at least 15 years, but we thought she was crazy. kinda shocking when she was finally vindicated, y'know? ), so it shouldn't suprise me that he's not exactly forthcoming with information. apollyon: holidays suck for me anyway. x-mas is gonna be hard b/c we're having it at my fiance's dad's place - normally, we have it at her mum's but her mum passed in may - and my dad ( who i was starting to get used to being single...) is supposed to come. i was brought up with a very tight knit family, and the divorce kinda disillusioned me, trashed my whole concept of "family". Bindi: 28 in less than 2 weeks. already started on my own. it really has been one thing after another. divorce ( a few years ago, but i've been coming to terms with it) -> my mum passing -> fiance's mum passing -> now this.
When dealing with these kind of things theres one very very very important thing you must remember. "In the end. Its his/her/their life(s)" Trust me I know.... Recently.
f00k can only wish you better luck in the future, you gotta be in for some-sometime-soon (try saying that 3 times).
My dad did something similar...... Wehn my mum & dad were married he ended up meeting another woman. My mum found out and they got divorced. Things didn't work out for my dad and his mistress so they too called it a day. My mum got re-married and so did my dad. About 14 years later, I was going to be staying at my dad's as my mum was going on holiday. Anyway my mum left in the morning and later that day my dad came over. He told me that he was leaving his wife as he had met someone else. He said that I wouldn't be able to stay at his house as understandably my step mum was upset. He made his excuses & suggested that we'd go for a drink and talk it through etc. I did what any other teenager would have done and had a week long party at my house. It was only after my mum had come back and I told her why I had been at home for the week that she became annoyed. She wasn't worried about the party. My dad's new partner was the same woman that he cheated on my mum with. I didn't know what to do, or say. I mean this woman is pretty much completely responsable for my parents divorce. (I know my dad was also at fault, but if she wasn't there, she wouldn't have been the cause). In my mind, this woman was the cause of why my mum struggled to bring up 3 kids on her own, why I was bullied by a local thug, why I hadn't ever been on holiday. And also the reason my elder sister (by 4 years) has / had psycological problems which caused her to once pull a long kitchen knife on my mum after a minor argument, with me being the only thing in her way. Anyway time went on and eventually my dad rang and suggested that we go for that drink. I reluctantly agreed. Things seemed to go alright, well at least up until he invited me to their wedding. i was gobsmacked. Without thinking, I just said yes I'd go. So I went to their wedding, but I couldn't bring myself to want to appear in any photos, to smile, or even wish them luck. I pretty much hateded myself for even being there. Life went on and occasionally I'd speak to my dad on the phone, I'd giver her the "can i speak to dad, please" cold phrase if she answered the phone, I wouldn't say any other words to her. Eventually I wanted to see my dad and as he was living with his wife. I knew I'd have to be at least tolerant of her. She seemed pleasent enough and actually was quite a nice person. After that though, I decided that I was never going cheat on anyone. But I was young and one day my girlfirend & I had a huge argument. I want out with one of my female friends, who had also brought along another friend of hers. Anyway we drank a few drinks, one thing led to another. Before I knew it I was doing the exact same thing as my dad had done previously. I felt ashamed. I could have just not bothered to say anything to my girlfriend, but I told her that it was over and she couldn't trust me. She accepted this and thanked me for being honest. Another few years later I was with someone else, and whilst I didn't cheat on them, I did lust after several other girls that I knew & had met. I ended up braking off that relationship too as I had met someone else, although I had behaved. I get on quite well with my dad now. Although we don't see or speak as often as we used to or as often as we would like to. I still can't forgive him for whats happened in the past, or the betrayal of the 2 women he had promised to cherish and love for ever. But after all he is my dad and the only one I've got. And as someone has already said, it's his life. Just like my life is my own. In each decision I make I try to consider other peoples feelings & my own and the impact and consequences that these decisions could have. I just hope that my dad & yours put a lot of thought into their actions. I'm sure the last thing they would have wanted was to hurt their own children. Sorry for the mamoth post. I had intended for this to just be a short reply. I hope things sort themselves out.
phat: i do want him to be happy, but at the same time i want him to suffer for the s*** he put us through. bindi: hopefully things are gonna start looking up soon. my fiance's trying to get into grad school, i'm trying to get back into school myself, and our nuptuals are less than a year away. craigey: whoa. very similar. at least mine didn't ask me or my bro to be at the wedding. my sympathies. and thank you for posting. like i mentioned before, he cheated on my mum for 20 years (with i think about 5-6 different women. this one was just the most recent, and also happened to be one of his high school sweethearts). i'm still almost afraid i'll meet a half-sibling one day, even though he assured me there isn't any (but hey, he lied about cheating....). i wonder if she's ever afraid he'll do to her what he did to mum...
It does hurt, but you have to respect your fathers feelings, and not been nasty or anything, but yes parents can put you through ****. Not everyone is hardcoded to have the best judgements when it comes to their kids. Believe me, going throug a similar thing. Its all hanging in the balance now if my father will be able to buy my mother out of here. We're in an unusual circumstance where the house is connected to the back of the business. I love this house... its my childhood house... and not to show off. Its a stonker of a house. I'd like my dad to be able to keep it, even if his new girlfriend moves in with him... (mainly because I want to buy a boat and keep it moored outside the house on the river )
