Rant Sex, drugs, rock'n'roll and chlamydia

Right... met this girl a few months ago (popularly referred to as "the girlfriend"), got together. Last week was a bit odd, I didn't hear from her in the last two days until this morning: "My ex has got chlamydia, we may have it too".

Now, I thought she had told me their relationship ended two years ago. I was wrong, it was three years. I was even more wrong in assuming that people who end a relationship stop sleeping with eachother... without protection.

She smokes pot about two, three times a month, does coke and pills "only at festivals" to "get in the mood", and hangs out with drug users and other assorted idiots.

In my stupidity and elation that there was a girl who wanted to be with me (after nearly six years of singleness), and her insistance that she "enjoyed it more without condom" and my insistance on putting her wishes first... I may have caught a sodding STI. And if she's been shagging her ex once in a while before we got together, she sure as hell opened up to other blokes. Undoubtedly, without anything around their respective dicks. Judging by the type of people she hangs out with... chlamydia might be the least of my worries.

Although I really, really like her; I hate what she does and the people she choose to socialise with (may sound weird, but makes sense to me. Any psychologists around for that?).

I am extremely, extremely angry. At her, of course, but mainly at myself for being so immensely stupid. In my happiness of not only finding a girl after such a long time, but also a girl from my own country, I turned my back on everything I ever believed in and made myself believe that maybe it could all work out. And now I may find myself in a group of people I always mocked for their stupidity. I feel like I should go buy me a fake Burberry cap, a tracksuit and go back to living on an estate.

So now, apart from trying to figure out how to break up with her without sending her off into an overdose of cocaine, I get to piss in a cup. Awesome.

Sorry for the rant. Any non-geeky advice glady received.

 

i remember my freshman assistantr baseball coach (hes 21 and is a volenteer)wanted to break up with his girlfrind so we went to an away game an hour and a half away, he drove here there and after the game, he just left without her. hes quite extreme lol.

 

Get the **** to the doctor and stop posting on the internets.

And I hope your nob doesn't fall off on the way j/k

Zhang: I think having your missus give you an STI is a bit more extreme then leaving someone somewhere. It's not like flowers or bad words.

 

Dude, that sucks. You've got standards and intelligence, use them in the future and, as I've learned from personal experience and from use, never trust a drug user (even pot heads) any more than you feel you can trust the drug itself. All it takes is one bad experience and everything changes.

Get down to the Genital-Urinary clinic and get checked out, let the woman know where you stand and tell her that since trust is a problem that its with a rubber or not at all for a while. If she says no, go out, get drunk and find one of her clean, respectable friends to sleep with.

Also, get a full range of STI checks. A woman that takes drugs and sleeps, without protection, with ex-partners and more is going to be open to more than just chlymidia.

The weed alone isn't a problem at all really, but in my fairly hefty experience with drugs and drug culture, *nobody* "just uses coke and pills at festivals". You either use it or you don't. If you use it more than twice then you will come back to it whenever you think you can do so, your perception of when you think you can is the only thing that changes.

Good luck.

EDIT: Oh, and don't follow Bindi's advice. If you go to a doctor then 9 times out of 10 they will just refer you to the GUI clinic, which wastes time. Go straight to the clinic for a diagnosis. You can go to any one you want and you often don't need an appointment. Plus, you can remain completely anonymous.

 

Joe, the father before his time.

Do some family planning clinics offer the same STI tests and treatments? It's all about the same area, going in and coming out.

 

Really, partly it's your own fault. You should've insisted on the condom.
Now of course if she knew about the STIs and didn't tell you, well, that's illegal.

 

Yeah, thought about that. I don't have a job though, let alone a good outlook on one (today, after the chlamydia-SMS, I also got a call from a prospective employer cancelling the job interview I had with them this week). I assume I have to pay for the tests?

I've been greatly concerned about her cheating as well, to be honest. I mean, she goes to Glastonbury for five days, does all that stuff and then I have to trust her enough not to open her legs? She's already extremely social when she's sober, when she's drunk she's even more social, I don't think I can even imagine what she'd be like completely f'ed out of her head on coke or pills (if I remember correctly, XTC enhances the libido).
Any cheating would of course have happened, you guessed it, without a condom.

Goddamnit.

For the biggest part it's my fault. I always considered condoms to be common sense, until I actually "got there" and then suddenly I forgot all about it. I'm a bloody idiot. But as a friend just said: learn from your mistakes. Condoms, here I come.

 

They should be free on the NHS.
I say dump the bitch, she obviously has problems with committing and more.

 

Been there and tried that. As long as it's just Chlamydia you get some pills.
And that's why you should ask a partner to have a checkup.

@Joe.
I do drugs on a recreational level, and before I get flamed for it, I'll say this:
Doing so is my own choice, and when you have a boatload of friends that keep each other safe, there is nothing to worry about.
We choose to do drugs instead of getting drunk, I only ended up with someone "unknown" when I used to get drunk. And those big questions I asked myself.
Protection?
Who is she?
After I ditched drinking and started doing other stuff I got very responsible and stopped going home with "some girl" and started to have real relationships where I asked beforehand what, when, how and who.

Maybe it's just culture difference. We have such a tight-knit "community" that things like those just won't happen here.

 

Well, that really sucks, bro. I was going through a divorce and it was kinda back and forth for a few months with the ex. The occasional romp in the sack with her was a bad move. Appearantly she wasn't too shaken by our seperation as it seems she had a go at it with a fella or two and I ended up with the clap. At my age, I thought I would never have to worry about that, but some people just don't grow up and stick their willy in anything they can find or spread their legs for the first available long john.
This may seem harsh, but you gotta dump that ho and never see her again. Just by your description alone of her activity tells me that she is clearly a **** in the first degree.
Next time, strap a sausage skin on that thing before you go docking your ship in the first available port.

 

http://www.foryoungpeople.co.uk/webpages/clinics/gum_clinics.htm

Depending on your age, the tests could be free. Even if they're not, this isn't something that should be put off because of money. In fact, they'll probably give you loads of free condoms anyway. I used to love the old dears at the FPC, they were too embarrassed to say "condoms" and always referred to "supplies"

 

Well, I'm not going to speculate on fidelity, but yes E will effect the libido heavily. I've known incredibly straight guys get off with each other (and more) just because E has that effect on the libido. Coke too will make you want to **** like crazy.

As for the tests, they are completely free and run by the NHS. It's just a case of drop in, make an appointment if they can't fit you in (many places will just ask you to wait 20 mins until you can be seen) and then explain the problem. Be very open and frank, don't try and underestimate or hide part of the problem as the GUI clinic can give you a full battery of painless swab and urine tests and take a blood sample for HIV testing if you need it. It's all free.

They can go under different names though - family planning clinics, GUI clinics, STD clinics, teen clinics, sexual advice clinics - the best thing to do is ring your GP and get some information on where the nearest place is.

As for the mistake, you subcumbed to a desire. It happens and, if shes hot, most guys would have. The important thing now is to react calmly but quickly and make sure you move forward. Get some confidence, confront her and get checked out.

@Spaceraver
Well, cultural difference is going to play a large factor here (as well as quality of commercially sold stuff vs crap you buy on the streets) but I have used a lot of drugs and chemicals myself - almost everything from nutmeg upwards with the exception of 'needlework' - and I've seen a lot more drugs used by close friends. Some people come out fine, like I have. Some people I know ended up seriously messed up and one person I know woke up (from being high) to find out that the ex boyfriend (who was high) had come round (because of a call she didn't remember) and broken in (because she was passed out and didn't let him in) and proceeded to have sex with her while she was asleep.

I've had friends who've been stabbed or gone missing because of drugs, but despite this I have a fairly balanced view I feel. Weed? no problem with it on a personal level or in the short-term or whatever. Most people are fine. Pills I'm more worried about. Coke and H I feel strongly about.

Still, I feel the important thing as I say is not to see 'someone who uses a drug', but to see the drug itself. If you feel you might be vulnerable to going psycho on drugs, don't touch them. If you do, then bear in mind that everyone else will just see the drug and try and take appropriate precautions to protect yourself and those around you.

I haven't touched anything for a few years now and, frankly, I'd never go back. I've had numerous chances since I stopped and I've passed them up everytime - too many bad experiences left me worried about going 'a scanner darkly' on those I love.

That's just my opinion, formed from my experiences and knowledge. On this issue, I'm not going to flame you or try and take away from the frank and open discussion which is needed on these topics.

 

I know she's got to go, as I'm sure she's not going to change her ways... but I am afraid that doing so would basically be pushing her towards the drugs, which is what I want to keep her away from. The last week, with today as a climax, it has become increasingly clear that we're definately shouldn't be together.
As I said, I really like her, but I hate the decisions she makes. (heh, for the first time in my life I actually care about a druggie.) So I don't want to see her going into the proverbial pit.

The Canterbury GUM clinic is only to be referred to by "any health professional". Don't really mind as there's a GP just down the road. I'll give them a call tomorrow...

And over the past half hour or so it also has become increasingly clear that a full range of checks is no longer optional. The more I think about it, the more I am becoming convinced that, if she's got chlamydia, that's probably not going to be the only thing.
And to think I put my mouth there... ew.

Well, to be frank, my libido packed its suitcase and left today. I won't think twice about carrying something on me (in the ol' wallet, like just about any guy I guess), but I'm kind of done with sex for a while.

 

Lol, too much info.

 

You need to stop worrying about her COMPLETELY!!!! She wasn't worried about you when she went out and got doped up and banged a bunch of guys dripping dick snot. You cannot change her anyway, she'll do what she wants as she has already proven. Stay away from the corner whore barbie immediately.

 

@Joe
I understand you fully, because I too have had friends go wacky or die on me.
Those were out of reach of talking due to "needles", Thus I hate needles and what comes with it.

This is going to sound harsh, but as you yourself put it: If you can't cut the mustard, don't even try.

I loathe people that can't control themselves and refuse to aid them in aquiring anything and spread the word amongst all people I know not to give them anything at all untill I say otherwise. Like I said, We are a tight knit community. No means NO. The city I live in does not belong to anyone so there are no fights over territory and everyone stick together for better or worse. And every dealer here has morale because if they don't they get run out of town. That's how things work where I live. And I love it. If that fell apart I'd quit everything in an instant.

Of course I tutor the noobs that want to try it, as they are younger than me, but not without comprehensive warning and some lectures about what can go wrong. And things can go wrong. Badly.

On the light side tho, giving and getting proper "education" (for the lack of better word to explain) drugs can be used with little or no side effects, hence why I want people to come forward and ask.
Stefan

 

I got a scare with my first girlfriend, taught me quickly that did. Very painful testing and they will give you pills straight away, no matter what, easily treatable.

But I will suggest: Ask them to check for the whole kit and kaboodle. It's not worth the risk not to do it.

 

Spaceraver, it sounds like you and I are in complete agreement here, just different environments which have pushed us to make different individual choices and I too am glad to help people and answer questions based on my experience. Educating the noobs as you say.

 

Yeah, true that she probably didn't care if she did all that... the problem is that she probably doesn't see it as something wrong. Although, what I quickly got rid of my thoughts on "wrong" when I met her. It was all too perfect, a girl from my country, here in England, and actually interested in me? I think I forgot just about every moral value I ever had.

This sure is going to be a memorable "first time" (never got in the sack with the girlfriend of almost six years ago). I always thought and even preached that is should be memorable, but more in the sense of - even if the relationship didn't last - looking back and not thinking bad about it. But yeah, as I said, too good to be true.
Guess I can't even live up to my own romanticised ideals.

Definately... and if it HAS to be something, let it be the sodding chlamydia... not anything worse. I don't mind dying in twenty years, but I don't want to spend those twenty years with HIV.

 

Amazingly enough I went out with a meth addict (rebound relationship after an explosive end to a long term relationship) and I justified the whole thing as a "learning experience". She didn't do too many drugs when we were together as she was trying to quit but right after we were done, she went back, hit them hard, and she's been a total f*** up ever since. The point is, trying to keep her away from drugs is pointless because its not going to work. You've learned your lesson and eventually she will too and that's pretty much all you can do.