Donning his pantyhose and a well made suit from the best taylor in Tottenham Court Road (it's made out of hi-fi equipment with SALE NOW ON signs all over it) Boris rushes past the 3 spidermen, now fighting after one threw an egg at prescott, and explodes into the street shouting; 'my nipples explode with the light!'
Then Rosie Huntington-Whitely came in to advertise lingerie for Boris to cover up his nipples with. (HELL YEA)
Later, after Boris had flipped Rosie over for the fourth time and run out of seed, he reached for the phone to call in a pizza. But when he lifted the receiver the line was dead...
So he fished his mobile phone out of his trouser pocket that was draped over the back of a chair. After finally getting through to a pizza parlour, he asked, "Do you deliver?" - to which the reply was...
"No sir, we do peperoni, chicken, ham, bacon and many other meats. Nobody has ever asked for liver before."
Boris was infuriated by the sheer temerity of this likely immigrant - being made the butt of a play on words shot right to the bone of his fat, over-indulged mass. His blood was boiling as he reached for his bicycle, helmet and hi-viz vest - he was going to teach that boy a lesson...
Suddenly a ginger bursts from the bathroom door, armed to the teeth with a large variety of sex toys, he shouts out his name:
Boris then realised it was 'Spiderman day' where everyone dresses as Spiderman, he had completely forgotten and it was now too late to get a costume.
Boris did however manage to get a Spongebob Squarepants costume and ran around shouting "I'm Ready! I'm Ready! I'm Ready"
Boris pause for a moment and considered if the copious amount of hallucinogenic drugs he'd taken the previous evening was still in effect, as he turned and walked towards his window he could feel a slight breeze coming in through the seals, when all of a sudden...
"What madness is this?", Boris exclaimed, before realising that the life-sized raptor (mistaken as raptor Jesus, a common mistake) flying through the window and past him at great speed was actually thrown by a looter below, who had stolen the raptor from the 'Raptors R Us' store. So Boris picked up his..
