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LOL Top Tips

Discussion in 'General' started by cjmUK, 3 Sep 2010.

  1. cjmUK

    cjmUK Old git.

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    Anyone remember the Top Tips section from Viz comic? Is Viz still going? Do they still have Top Tips?

    I've been signed up to @VizTopTips for a while, and it usually generates a daily chuckle, but yesterday was a particularly good day. A few of yesterdays favourites:

    BRIGHTEN up your day by moving at least one of Tony Blair's books to the crime section in your local book shop

    WILLIAM HAGUE. Shrug off the media witch-hunt by indulging in a couple of pints, but not with Marc Almond

    WILLIAM OF OCCAM. For a smoother, closer meta-theoretical principle, try adding an extra blade to your razor

    NUTS magazine - change your name to 'TITS' to avoid confusing your demographic


    Apologies if they humour doesn't translate well for our non-UK friends.
     
  2. WarrenJ

    WarrenJ Well-Known Member

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    BRIGHTEN up your day by moving at least one of Tony Blair's books to the crime section in your local book shop - Rep for someone with a pic of this in their local.
     
  3. bigsharn

    bigsharn Officially demotivated

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    I'm working on it :)
     
  4. johnnyboy700

    johnnyboy700 Active Member

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    This is one that I actually saw on the Viz tips section but it stuck in my mind:-

    Set up a premium rate phone line with a charge of £10 a minute then use a sticker on your car or van with the number on it saying "Hows my driving?" and then procede to drive like a c**t all day and watch the money roll in.
     
  5. cjmUK

    cjmUK Old git.

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    Personally, the Hague one was my favourite, but I've found I've had to explain it to quite a few people, including those old enough to remember.

    In the 80s/early 90s, there was a popular account of Marc Almond collapsing and having his stomach pumped, where they extracted 2 pints of man-juice. It's utter bollocks, but it was a common story.

    Snopes
     
  6. Sifter3000

    Sifter3000 I used to be somebody

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  7. cjmUK

    cjmUK Old git.

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    Sorry, I thought that much would be obvious when I quoted '@VizTopTips'.
     
  8. Canon

    Canon Reformed

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    Not to non - twitter users, I had no idea anywhoo :rolleyes:
     
  9. Zabuza

    Zabuza New Member

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    Just got one of my Viz annuals out:

    Single men. Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occassionally glancing inside.

    Have fun in the supermarket next time you go alcohol shopping. Fill your trolley to bursting point with booze, then add one pack of nappies. When paying, pretend you don't have enough money and put the nappies back. Watch the faces of the checkout personnel. Priceless.

    Drivers. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.
     
  10. cjmUK

    cjmUK Old git.

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    Quite.

    So if you are not a Twitter user, what do you care.

    If you are, then you would have picked up the reference.
     
  11. docodine

    docodine killed a guy once

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    :confused:

    I want this to be funny..
     

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