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Rant Troublesome flatmate...

Discussion in 'General' started by will., 3 Aug 2009.

  1. will.

    will. A motorbike of jealousy!

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    How do you tell someone you are friends with, that you've discovered you just can't live with them and that you want them to move out all without making them hate you?

    Dr S, we shall call him, has basically been a bit of a pain. Not really bad like I've read on here before, but after a year, I can't stand it any more. Problem is, he renewed our contract without telling us the other day so we need to act fast to get rid of him.

    Over the last year, he progressively become a worse and worse drunk. He goes drinking with his work 'colleagues' (not friends) and steadily the fallout from these sessions has ramped up until Friday night he rolled in at 4 in the morning, crashed about for a bit waking everyone up. Threw up all over the bathroom, went to bed, pissed and puked on himself, threw up some more in the toilet and pulled down the glass shower door. Previous nights have involved singing, shouting, banging around for no reason, solo conversations about how **** his life is and 2 hour pot noodle making sessions topless in a leather chair.

    Now I've done some stupid ****ing things in my life, but never have I pissed myself and trashed anything worse than a cardboard box (hide and seek). Regardless, I was kinda expecting an apology this time when I mentioned it, but after a year of this, I don't know why. None ever comes.

    Add to that kind of extreme behaviour a refusal to clean, playing loud (****) music and then complaining if anyone else does it. Leaving horrible fry up pans for days before washing up. Getting up really early in the morning (for work, fair enough) and making so much damn noise I never ever get to sleep past 6 any more even though I don't need to get up for another 2 1/2 hours and then just shrugging off my complaints!

    And then, added on top of all that he is so depressive that he drags any conversation down with complaining about work. Again, we've told him to either solve the problem, or stop telling us the same crap every day, but no effect.

    Before I lived with him, he was a good guy... Not big mates, but I could get along fine. Now I dread any evenings I know it's just me and him. My other flatmate is in agreement, but he has been friends with him much longer than I have so it's a tricky situation for him. If it was just me I could just leave, or tell him to and sacrifice the friendship, but because of the other flatmate who doesn't want to do that I can't think of a way to get him out.

    One thing I'm definitely doing is getting some proper ear plugs. Those yellow foam ones are crap.

    /rant
     
  2. Rkiver

    Rkiver Cybernetic Spine

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    I used to live with friends, it went bad as all they did is get stoned and make a mess. How do you deal with it? In the end I moved out.
     
  3. C-Sniper

    C-Sniper Stop Trolling this space Ądmins!

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    This is why I am glad I am a landlord. If he renewed his contract then you are kinda screwed. All i can say is that either you can move out or you can catch him doing something stupid (i.e. illegal) and call the cops and force him out that way.
     
  4. WARHAMSTER

    WARHAMSTER What's a Dremel?

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    You say you don't what to fall out with him?

    Having read your post it sounds like the guy has a problem and it's his problem if he can't see it. Don't get me wrong, I drink a lot and probably to much but throwing up on myself is something I haven't done since I was a teenager. So anyway:

    Talk to the rest of your flatmates and if you can get an agreement go to your landlord and tell him the truth i.e. one of his tenants is a drunk and we don't want to live with him. He will quickly rethink any contact. If it has a clause about braking items in the house then Sir Drinkalot may have already broken it.

    Obviously I can't judge the man by want you have said above and don't know how much you value his friendship.

    I say he sounds like a complete cock, time to move on (get him to move the **** out with the help of your landlord). You didn't say how many others live in the house but threatening the landlord with everybody leaving or just Mr I'm lucky I didn't choke on my own vomit the landlord will be on your side.

    Good luck

    And don't listen to any BS about how he will change.
     
  5. mvagusta

    mvagusta Did a skid that went for two weeks.

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    Sounds like you two are his little b!tches. He's being a self centered and immature chav and you two let him. Of course he renewed the contract without checking with you two first! The last thing he would do is give you guys an opportunity out or show you guys any respect.

    Why you two want to remain his friend is a mystery :confused: Maybe he saved your lives once or something :confused:

    It seems like you and the other guy who sounds like he might be normal, should just go and find a place to share, leaving Dr S to pay for the place by himself. He signed up for another year, not you two guys, right? :eyebrow:
     
  6. will.

    will. A motorbike of jealousy!

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    Personally, I'm not too fussed. I know him through my other flatmate who has known him for years.

    The thing is, apart from the drinking everything else he does isn't done on purpose, he is just oblivious to it. Telling him to stop stomping around in the morning doesn't work because he doesn't seem to realise he does it, and doesn't as a result see an issue. It's the same with the other things. He's not malicious or anything. Most of the time he's the most boring person you'll ever meet unless you like talking about his job...

    However! Good news arrived this morning in the post. The landlord is still keen on selling our block of flats so he's put us on a month rolling contract. We can get out at any time, but we've got to be given two months notice before we're kicked out. Bit worrying if we actually do get kicked out. It's so cheap and huge we'd prefer to stay, but this will make things easier!
     
  7. BentAnat

    BentAnat Software Dev

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    I stayed with a good friend of mine for a year...
    he also pulled stunts similar to what you're describing quite regularly. Talking about it is always a touchy thing, especially since there's a friendship involved as well. Fortunately for me, i was the one who signed the lease agreement, so i never renewed it and "Forced him out" in that way.
    Now my brother and i stay together in a different place. At least it's my brother. If we shout/scream/call each other names, then it's forgiven again - we've been doing it for 20+ years... with friends it's not that easy.

    Will, back to your situation, i would pretty much suggest moving out. It's the easiest and friendliest way to handle it...
     
  8. CardJoe

    CardJoe Freelance Journalist

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    Living with friends is often a bad idea. I lived with some really spiteful and annoying people in my time. The best thing to do is just both confront him on the matter and tell him that if he doesn't change then your or he is leaving.
     
  9. smc8788

    smc8788 Multimodder

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    He shouldn't be oblivious to it since you'e told him it bothers you. If he doesn't value your friendship enough to change his behaviour, then you shouldn't value it enough for it to stop you moving out, or telling him to sod off.

    I never, ever put friends above my own quality of life or family in the order of things that are important to me. If I have a problem with one of them that is bothering me, then I will always tell them. If they don't like it or disagree with me, then I'll just move on, because someone like that isn't worth having in your life.
     
  10. Burnout21

    Burnout21 Is the daddy!

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    I would talk to the landlord, his toral disregard to the property might be a way to get him out, as he is damaging it.

    Personally i would move out, give the other guy to come with or to stay. Either way i couldn't live with him. Considering he has signed on for another year, he is stuck there! hehe!
     
  11. Shabing

    Shabing What's a Dremel?

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    Cap'n Bestway. Just make sure you tell him all the things you have an issue with. It's probably going to be a bit messy, but if you've known each other before house sharing it always is. Always best to share with randoms if you have to share: that way you're not bothered if you say summat to them they don't like.
     
  12. Mr Flibbles

    Mr Flibbles I'm not part of the solution....

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    start putting his dirtty pots in his bed, if he pukes up in his bed a few dirty pots shouldn't bother him. Can't you speak to the landlord? and say that he's becoming unbareable to live with, if the house has a majority vote against this guy then the landlord should do something about this. One lot of missed rent is better than 2-3........it is in my book anyway.

    Also speak to the neighbours see if they notice the noise this guy makes.
     
  13. antiHero

    antiHero ReliXmas time!

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    If he is your friend then you have to confront him. Sounds to me he has a drinking problem and its important to get the grip of it BEFORE it goes to far. Talk to him about his behavior and find out was his problem is (work,girl....etc).
    See if you can help him getting his drinking under control or go out with him to control his drinking.

    Sorry to say that but there is nothing worse then a friend complaining about a friend without trying to help him.
     
  14. dom_

    dom_ --->

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    Sod it being big and huge!

    Move out, otherwise if you don't address the problem (i.e. talk to him) then every day it will get a little worse and in the end you will end up hating him even more.
     
  15. DougEdey

    DougEdey I pwn all your storage

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    He commited fraud by renewing your name on a contract without your written permission
     
  16. RTT

    RTT #parp

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    I must admit my first thought was that if you've not signed anything then presumably the renewal is not set in stone... sounds like that could be your ticket out of there.
     
  17. Veles

    Veles DUR HUR

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    I'd either convince the the your flatmate to oust him too or leave, tell your flatmate it's either him or you. It's never as simple as that but it's not worth sticking this kind of **** out.

    I've had a couple of friends who slowly changed into cocks (or perhaps they were always cocks and just became bigger cocks) and I had no problem distancing myself from them, they're not the same person you befriended and there's no point sticking with them out of loyalty because it's not worth it. And this is coming from someone who is quite intensely loyal.
     
  18. DougEdey

    DougEdey I pwn all your storage

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    He definitely has, someone signed a contract on my behalf and I got a phonecall from an estate agent asking me why I didn't give written permission, by the end of it the guy received a £500 fine
     
  19. will.

    will. A motorbike of jealousy!

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    I love the flat though, and it's the cheapest I'm ever going to pay in the area because the landlord was a bit desperate at the time.

    And you're right, (I didn't make it clear) I haven't signed anything, but he has on behalf of himself, which is the issue. I was hoping to have a sit down talk with everyone before anything went ahead so that I could make it clear I wasn't too happy. With the contracts up in the air that would have been fine, but now he's staying. Then again, like I mentioned, we got this letter that said we'd be on a rolling contract, so should be ok.

    Just to clarify a few other things as well.

    He's not an alcoholic, or at least, I don't think he is. He simply has a lack of control when he is drinking. He's not drinking all the time or anything like that. It's just when we go on a night out, or if he does with his work he doesn't know when to stop. I'm not surprised though, his parents are heavy drinkers and pretty much encourage it.

    Trying to stop it which we have done doesn't work either. He just gets in a mood and that makes things worse.

    Anyway, there has been some good advice. Pots in the bed seems the best plan. :p
    He's away for a week, so me and the other guy are having a bit of a sit down and think about our options tonight.
     
  20. Veles

    Veles DUR HUR

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    Well even if he's not dependant on alcohol, as you say, he's unable to limit himself and it's causing himself harm and making the lives of others around him unpleasant then that's just as bad. Actually I'd say it's worse, at least if you're an alcoholic you have the excuse that you have a physical dependency on the drug.
     

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