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Understanding Engineers

Discussion in 'General' started by MonkeyTurnip, 25 Aug 2005.

  1. MonkeyTurnip

    MonkeyTurnip New Member

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    Understanding Engineers - Take One
    Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
    The second engineer replied,
    "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
    The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."


    Understanding Engineers - Take Two
    To the optimist, the glass is half full.
    To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


    Understanding Engineers - Take Three
    A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
    The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
    The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
    He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
    They're rather slow, aren't they?"
    The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
    The group fell silent for a moment.
    The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
    The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
    The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


    Understanding Engineers - Take Four
    What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
    Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.


    Understanding Engineers - Take Five
    The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
    The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
    The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
    The graduate with an IT degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


    Understanding Engineers - Take Six
    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
    One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
    Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
    The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
    Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


    Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
    Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
    Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


    Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
    An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
    The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
    The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
    The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
    Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
    Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
    The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
     
  2. MiT

    MiT Don't feed me after midnight!! nom

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    lol :D
    never heard any of them before
     
  3. alextwo

    alextwo <a href="http://forums.bit-tech.net/showpost.php?p

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    LOL, some of those are pretty good.
     
  4. slater

    slater Mummy Says Im Special

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    Thats so me :D
     
  5. guy

    guy New Member

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    lol they're all great, i like the last the best.
     
  6. woof82

    woof82 New Member

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    rofl The only one i heard before is the last one, they are all funny as hell :)
     
  7. P2D

    P2D 99.999% Pure Spam!

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    id laugh if i wasnt so depressed.
     
  8. Techno-Dann

    Techno-Dann Disgruntled kumquat

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    Those are wonderful. I've heard some of them before (Both parents are Mechanical Engineers), but several of those are great.
     
  9. planki

    planki ...

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    they are brilliant! definate e-mail sendage material.
     
  10. heelan

    heelan bow tie enthusiast

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    An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing
    whether it was better to spend time with the wife
    or a mistress.

    The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building
    a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

    The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
    of the passion and mystery he found there.

    The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah. If you have
    a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending
    time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get
    some work done."
     
  11. K.I.T.T.

    K.I.T.T. Hasselhoff™ Inside

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    those are awsome....
     
  12. <A88>

    <A88> Trust the Computer

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    Aww what's up?

    <A88>
     
  13. Hahaha, that cheered me up as I am feeling particularly ill at the moment :hehe: :thumb:
     
  14. P2D

    P2D 99.999% Pure Spam!

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    I completely and utterly bollocked my whole future.
     
  15. Fatboy

    Fatboy Bored

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    To much bit spamming then :thumb:

    I love the second one.
     
  16. ChromeX

    ChromeX Active Member

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    Confessions of an emo kid!
     

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