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LOL Wedding Speech help! Urgent!

Discussion in 'General' started by Solidus, 7 Aug 2010.

  1. Solidus

    Solidus Superhuman

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    Hello Folks,

    I get married next sataday 14th and could really do with some help! I have told the missus i have a wonderful wedding speech planned...truth is i got nothing.

    I therefore turn to my fellow bit-techers for some inspiration, one-liners, or bits I could use.

    I was thinking about talking about marriage and its sacred bond between two people...before turning it into something a little sinister and questioning how someone could go on to take half your stuff.... :p just to take it on a lighthearted note..

    I thought I would bring up a few funny storys about my partner also but if theres any advice or tips or things you feel I could incorporate into the speech by all means post...

    Any funny ones you may have heard also and bits from there too?

    O_O
     
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  2. mvagusta

    mvagusta Did a skid that went for two weeks.

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    Just be honest.

    You're the man, you just married your woman, and everyone is there at your party.

    Tell everyone what you think, your wife, your guests, the band, the caterers, everyone.

    I assume you would have some sweet things to say about everyone, and i'm guessing there are a couple of funny things you can mention, in a lighthearted/funny way.

    I heard a good little joke in a recent groom speech. As usual, there was a woman that couldn't help but interfere with the wedding plans, so he nicely thanked her for all her help, and sincerly reccomend that if anyone is having a wedding, she's available :D After everyone loled, he then went on "but if you are trying to stick to a budget, call someone else." everyone roflmfao :hehe:
     
  3. DXR_13KE

    DXR_13KE BananaModder

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    Talk about cheesecake...
     
  4. C-Sniper

    C-Sniper Stop Trolling this space Ądmins!

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    And about relix being god.

    [honest]
    Really just be yourself. Talk about how you always seemed to be searching for someone compatible with you, yadda yadda yadda, the previous ones called it quits, yadda yadda yadda, then you found her and presto.
     
  5. supermonkey

    supermonkey Deal with it

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    There's always balloon animals; people love balloon animals. Slam poetry is an option. You could also try running your voice through Autotune the whole time. I hear that's very in nowadays.

    Seriously, though, none of here know you or your soon-to-be wife, so we don't really know what is or isn't appropriate to say or do during a wedding speech. I guess I would vote for being honest and telling her what you think. This is her big day, and even though you are giving the speech in front of everyone, you are really talking to her. Make it personal and something that she'll be happy to remember forever, because she will. If you follow C-Sniper's advice and mention all the other women that you tried before finding her, I don't think she'll be too thrilled. Then again, I don't know her, and maybe she'll appreciate the joke.

    Of course, you probably shouldn't have told her that had a big speech if you didn't actually have anything planned already.
     
  6. C-Sniper

    C-Sniper Stop Trolling this space Ądmins!

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    Not like that...

    just "before <insert wife's name here> I had tried to find the right person and at the end of those relationships, I found each one to be not who I was looking for or compatible with. Then I met <insert wife's name here> and since then everything has fallen into place and I truly believe I have found someone that is right for me on every level."


    or something along those lines.
     
  7. mvagusta

    mvagusta Did a skid that went for two weeks.

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    What she would think:

    "ON MY WEDDING DAY YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT YOUR EX'S?!?!?!?!?!?! :grr: :miffed: NO SEX FOR YOU TONIGHT BUSTER!!!!"

    Just be honest, you promised her a big speech, and you're working on fulfilling that promise :D

    But yeah, you might wanna be a little more open and honest with your wife from now on son :hehe:
     
  8. Solidus

    Solidus Superhuman

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    lol thats quite good. Lets see if I could use that.

    I want to make it funny at first with some humour and end it on a serious note.

    I dont want it just to be pure sappy and emotional but throw some funny points in like this one here and there for the people. Its my registry so its all close friends who you can joke with so it would be nice to throw a few jokes in there I think.
     
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  9. g3n3tiX

    g3n3tiX Active Member

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    *deleted*
     
    Last edited: 13 Nov 2017
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  10. DaveVader

    DaveVader Fast Action Response Team

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    [​IMG]

    I'll just leave that here.
     
  11. Pieface

    Pieface Well-Known Member

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    "To be honest, the only reason I'm marrying your daughter is she's a good shag".
     
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  12. Zinfandel

    Zinfandel Well-Known Member

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    Rule 1: Do not under any circumstances mention any of your exes.

    Rule 2: Speak to your best men, under no circumstances is he to mention any of your exes, that time you went to a strip club and did a line of coke off of some tits/time in amsterdam/any other time that between you and your mates is hilarious but in front of your new wife and all of her friends and family is not appropriate.


    You have to be honest with yourself. Are you a good public speaker? Are you hilarious and full of witty anecdotes that don't upset the missus? Because if not, then it's much better to be to the point and polite with something sweet about your new wife in there than trying to be hilarious and going down like a Nazi at a bar mitzvah.

    With that said, you've paid a stupid amount of money to put on a do for your friends and family, you'll never have an easier crowed that at your wedding.

    1. Thank people you want to thank (Whoever, but traditionally brides maids/bride of honor), insert stuff about what the day means to you.

    <Insert> Humerous/Touching anecdote about why your new wife is your new wife/how you couldn't picture yourself with anyone else.

    Just talk. One liners by someone else and speaches written by someone else fool no one, play to your strengths. If you know you're generally not funny when speaking to an audience, then don't try. Just be sincere and honest and you wont go wrong.

    Good luck and congratulations!
     
  13. Burnout21

    Burnout21 Is the daddy!

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    cool my friends getting married the same day!

    Remember anything you read here will be the worst thing in the world to do. Your brain will fog, you'll panic at the que cards and say the first few things that come to mind. i.e Pieface's comment.
     
  14. Rotcrack

    Rotcrack Food Maestro.

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    "Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all."
     
  15. Burnout21

    Burnout21 Is the daddy!

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    And would also think there is sex after marriage!

    Took me a while to think why this happens, and as soon as you've seen a baby come out of your favourite place in the world, well it kinda puts you off it.....

    jokes aside, where you off to as a honeymoon/quick get away?
     
  16. Cookie Monster

    Cookie Monster Well-Known Member

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    I've worked 100's of weddings, if it's funny say it, don't try to be funny as people will think WTF and usually the best man will have already dropped you in the crap with something from your past.

    As suggested most usually thanks the parents for the usual helping out stuff / being there, family/friends for coming, wedding party (bridesmaids, page boy with a kinda "don't they look great") then the staff at the reception and end with a "and tonight we will be getting smashed at x venue, see you all there".

    Make a point of thanking your new wife for being stupid enough to marry you and your looking forward to the rest of your life with her for an "ahhhh isn't he sweet".
     
  17. talladega

    talladega I'm Squidward

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    gotta bring sunglasses with you and make a Horatio Caine joke at the end when you sit down and go YYYEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
     
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  18. Mr Mario

    Mr Mario New Member

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    Epic. :thumb:
     
  19. mvagusta

    mvagusta Did a skid that went for two weeks.

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    What about he says something like "well I think it's time...." put on glasses "...to get this party started" and as you slowly sit down, the band goes "YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" and starts playing we don't get fooled again, csi style :cooldude:
     
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