1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Other What's ruining your life right now?

Discussion in 'General' started by TheMusician, 28 Oct 2009.

  1. SuperHans123

    SuperHans123 Multimodder

    Joined:
    27 Dec 2013
    Posts:
    2,253
    Likes Received:
    478
    Word.
     
  2. Hex

    Hex Paul?! Super Moderator

    Joined:
    11 Jan 2002
    Posts:
    4,486
    Likes Received:
    221
    I don't think I've ever struggled so much in my life. It's all terrifying and honestly, the financial side of everything is worse at this point than everything else. I've already lost my Mum. She's gone, she isn't coming back. It's a shame she doesn't know that just not waking up could save so much more pain. I obviously would never tell her, but God it's so hard. She's going to eat all her savings up and cause a lot of family drama while I borrow money, all for her to still just die without ever regaining herself at all. So unfair.
     
  3. Byron C

    Byron C I was told there would be cheesecake…?

    Joined:
    12 Apr 2002
    Posts:
    10,806
    Likes Received:
    5,509
    The prospect of death.

    I’ve seen a lot of people go in the last 5-10 years. Some have been easier to live with than others, some have been a lot harder to deal with, and some have gone long before their time.

    People always say things like “you’ll live on in the lives you’ve touched touch”, or “that’s why we have to make the most of the time we have”, or “they’re never really gone if we remember them”. I’ve said similar things myself. But at the end of the day they’re just words. None of those words change the fact that at some point I will simply cease to be, and none of those words change how I feel about that.

    I’m not religious or spiritual in any way. In tens of thousands of years of existence we have found not one shred of evidence that there is some non-corporeal component to our existence. Everything that constitutes “you” is biological, and it mostly comes down to electrical signals fizzing around a ~1.3kg lump of jelly in your skull. It would be comforting to believe that there is some kind of existence after my death that I simply can’t comprehend, but I don’t see any way that I’ll ever be able to truly believe something like that.

    When your body dies and your brain stops fizzing, you cease to exist.

    No matter how “well” you’ve lived your life, no matter how much difference you may or may not have made to others, ultimately there really isn’t anything you can do about it.

    Maybe this is what a mid-life crisis really looks like. Maybe I’ll get over it at some point, and maybe I never will. But right now, the prospect of existing one moment and then… just… nothing… is absolutely terrifying.
     
    mi1ez, The_Crapman, adidan and 4 others like this.
  4. yuusou

    yuusou Multimodder

    Joined:
    5 Nov 2006
    Posts:
    3,057
    Likes Received:
    1,131
    I couldn't have worded how I feel about death any better than this. And everything that preceded it.
     
  5. ElThomsono

    ElThomsono Multimodder

    Joined:
    18 Mar 2005
    Posts:
    4,376
    Likes Received:
    1,904
    I feel for you man, that must be awful to have hanging over you, but I just can't relate; as I see it you're guaranteed to get of scot-free for an eternity of rest?
     
  6. Mr_Mistoffelees

    Mr_Mistoffelees The Bit-Tech Cat. New Improved Version.

    Joined:
    26 Aug 2014
    Posts:
    5,694
    Likes Received:
    2,871
    I feel much the same as @Byron C. Once the brain stops working, that’s it, you’re gone permanently. I too am not the slightest bit spiritual and I’m atheist. No point worrying about what people think of you after death, you’ll have no way of knowing. I’ll just be going in a hole to wait for the worms, preferably in a cardboard coffin.

    BTW, notwithstanding the above, I have threatened to come back as a poltergeist, if there is any suggestion of religion at my funeral…
     
  7. meandmymouth

    meandmymouth Multimodder

    Joined:
    15 Sep 2009
    Posts:
    4,418
    Likes Received:
    410
    Clicking the like button feels incredibly inappropriate even though I totally get it.

    I've been thinking about this since about the age of 12 (I'm 35 now).

    On my good days I'm terrified of the nothingness that is to come, on my really bad days I hope I don't wake up in the morning (that's a hard thing to type but it's true).

    I suppose that is what is ruining my life currently.
     
  8. David

    David μoʍ ɼouმ qᴉq λon ƨbԍuq ϝʁλᴉuმ ϝo ʁԍɑq ϝμᴉƨ

    Joined:
    7 Apr 2009
    Posts:
    18,030
    Likes Received:
    6,622
    You can tell it's winter - it's not even 1pm and it's REALLY dark (in this thead).

    I don't give it a lot of thought. I once quipped "cremate me and then use the ashes to grit the driveway" then a friend followed up and asked if actually meant it. Atfer a few moments reflection, I said yes - My family might not be too thrilled at the idea, but at least I could still be useful after I'm gone.
     
    The_Crapman, Hex and Mr_Mistoffelees like this.
  9. Hex

    Hex Paul?! Super Moderator

    Joined:
    11 Jan 2002
    Posts:
    4,486
    Likes Received:
    221
    One of the hardest things (non-financial anyway) with Mum has been how scared she now seems to be of going. She was always really flippant about dying and often joked she might not even be around in the next year when we talked about future things. But now it's pretty imminent, she's been begging me to cure her. It's so bloody hard. I would if I could. Of course, I would. I feel helpless and really small.

    The thing that always scared me about dying was the stuff I'd leave behind. I always felt that if I had everything tied up and all my belongings gone or spoken for. I'd be OK about it. Easier said than done though as I have a house full of 50 odd years of crap and now the looming thoughts of having to sell the entire house and contents off with little notice is terrifying. I always focused on what I'd miss too. I hated the thought of missing cool stuff in science happening. Though honestly, the human race is so doomed right now, that doesn't really bother me as much!
     
  10. Canon

    Canon Reformed

    Joined:
    19 Jul 2010
    Posts:
    3,111
    Likes Received:
    398
    Heavy. I don't know if what I have to say on it is constructive but i'll try.

    I've spent a lot of time, not just recently thinking about this, in fact less so recently. I find it interesting the way you phrased it, very familiar to me so maybe we're all a lot more similar in our thoughts than we realise. I found over a very long period of time, probably starting around the time I was around 17 years old I had these thoughts. It has only been in the past few years I have managed to form it into something positive. Up until this time it's always been a sinking feeling that really hits the bottom of my stomach. But then other times I sway between this and what I can only describe as cold. I will admit, shamefully, that I have attended the funerals of close family members and been completely switched off and it hasn't been a coping mechanism at all, no decision made to be that way, I've just shrugged it off and I absolutely cared for these people and still think about them.

    I think being around so much death has prompted me to think about this more often BUT in doing so, after many years of mental gymnastics I've become less sad when thinking about it. What makes a life? What's left behind when it ends? Where did that life start? What experiences did they have? That was just an innocent little boy or girl one day that maybe missed their parents and felt sad just like me? There's no escaping it's sad but it has made me want to really push myself to make each day a little better for those around me, because it's short, it's so so short. Adding to that it makes me more aware of the little things people might do for me, I make jokes with cashiers now when I feel like absolute death, because when they laugh, I feel a bit better. I tell old ladies trying on clothes in the shop that it really suits them. I have a chat with the old man down the road that won't stop talking because that interaction might be 5% of the rest of my life and 60% of his, we don't know. And it feels good! I've got the struggle of those thoughts to thank for all that.

    Context; I've lost a few family members with terminal illness, I lost a few friends in conflict, my friend died in front of me in an RTC, I've watched a lot of strangers in the process of dying in varying states, not in a bed. I have had to think about my ability to take a life and what that means and been surrounded with like minded people. I'm hyper aware of how skewed my thoughts are because of this.

    It's been good to see someone having familiar thoughts none the less, makes me feel less insane! We got invited to this party, we may as well dress nice if we intend on going.
     
    Last edited: 15 Jan 2025
  11. DeadP1xels

    DeadP1xels Social distancing since 92

    Joined:
    30 Nov 2009
    Posts:
    6,219
    Likes Received:
    1,172
    EDF just raised my direct debit 2.6x

    About 7 months ago? My direct debt randomly dropped £80 a month. So much so I called up and asked them why such a steep decline, we hadn’t done anything different. After a lot of back and forth the advisor sort of palmed me off with a “it’ll work itself out in the long run I wouldn’t worry, you’ll see an increase at some point to rectify any unpaid debt.”

    Afterwards I knew I should follow it up further but quite honestly it slipped my mind and other things took priority.

    Anywho, so did it work itself out? yeah it ****ing did… annoyed at myself for not following up because I’m paying (literally) for it now.
     
  12. perplekks45

    perplekks45 LIKE AN ANIMAL!

    Joined:
    9 May 2004
    Posts:
    7,648
    Likes Received:
    1,963
    I've seen both my parents die because their bodies couldn't take it anymore (**** the big C). My dad went when I was 19, my mother followed when I was 35. I've lost one of my closest friends to suicide when I was 17. I've lost a colleague at work because he wouldn't stay home to fully recover from a nasty cold and got pneumonia which in turn led to a heart attack. He was 30, I was 27 then.

    I have no family left, other than some people I barely know in Mexico and my wife's small family, her mother and brother.

    Life is too short to have regrets. When I turned 18, I had two weeks of bliss then my father was diagnosed with liver cancer. A bit later I'd done a lot of thinking about mortality and regret. I've done a lot more thinking since then, obviously, but nothing has changed with regard to the decision I made back then: live every day and take every decision in a way that puts you in a position to look in the metaphorical mirror when the time comes and say "I did my best and I have no big regrets. Life was tough but I enjoyed it. I hate going but at least there's nothing I really wanted to do or say and haven't done".

    Of course, there is a lot of stuff I still want to do and I plan on being around another 40 years and more if possible. But I go to bed every night in the knowledge that if I don't wake up the next day and I'm wrong and there IS a heaven or hell (and let's be honest, I'll likely go to the latter if it exists), I won't hate myself for all eternity for not doing or saying X.
     
    The_Crapman, Hex and adidan like this.
  13. The_Crapman

    The_Crapman World's worst stuntman. Lover of bit-tech

    Joined:
    5 Dec 2011
    Posts:
    8,123
    Likes Received:
    4,428
    Having had a near death experience (severe head injury) when 20, I think it caused me to live life more recklessly. Even loooong before that it had been a standing joke I'd never reach 40, and that was pretty much all the proof I required to (probably more on a subconscious level) throw the candle in a volcano and do my best to make that a reality. I really didn't fear death in the slightest, and at times kicked it square in the nuts in blatant disregard for the recompense. Thoroughly wasted youth mind, not so much 'live life to the fullest' more 'drink beer till your full. And then some'

    That was before I had much of a life outside myself. Now I have a partner who means more to me than life itself, so the recklessness has subsided, with age and inability to even light the dam candle also playing a part. I still don't fear death, it is the great inevitable, could happen in 40minutes or 40years, but whenever will be will be.

    I also find comfort that once I'm dead that's it. Eternal afterlife sounds really ****ing dull. Having been brought up christian (smegging auto correct tried to capitalise the c word, sod that mate), and as I grew older began to resent it and all the time it robbed me of my dad as he'd be there twice on Sunday, and Wednesday or Thursday for band practice (seriously), plus other random events, realised how horrible and unchristian so many of them are, just really turned me off the idea of heaven and and afterlife. We are a random consequence of an unfathomable amount of reactions, whether consciousness is "real" or an illusion to keep a huge symbiotic organism working is a proper headfudge. :eyebrow:
     
  14. mi1ez

    mi1ez Modder

    Joined:
    11 Jun 2009
    Posts:
    1,659
    Likes Received:
    121
    I assume you have a toddler?
     
  15. mi1ez

    mi1ez Modder

    Joined:
    11 Jun 2009
    Posts:
    1,659
    Likes Received:
    121
    And now I'm thinking about the nothingness too. *shudder*
     
  16. Andersen

    Andersen I'm fine. I'M FINE! *torches a dandelion*

    Joined:
    25 Nov 2002
    Posts:
    1,372
    Likes Received:
    578
    Caught something on my London trip seems like, always fun waking up with crazy flu symptoms. My everything is in pain:waah:
     
  17. Andersen

    Andersen I'm fine. I'M FINE! *torches a dandelion*

    Joined:
    25 Nov 2002
    Posts:
    1,372
    Likes Received:
    578
    Its 'rona. Fourth time
     
  18. ElThomsono

    ElThomsono Multimodder

    Joined:
    18 Mar 2005
    Posts:
    4,376
    Likes Received:
    1,904
    Correct :sigh:
     
    mi1ez likes this.
  19. DeadP1xels

    DeadP1xels Social distancing since 92

    Joined:
    30 Nov 2009
    Posts:
    6,219
    Likes Received:
    1,172
    Yep, this has also been bothering me recently.

    Honestly, In my late teens early/20s the prospect of my death never really bothered me that much. Possibly because I was living in existential misery at the time. Never felt like acting upon anything but I definitely empathised with those who checked out of life early.

    As I’ve grown older and had my son I’ve gone the other way. I don’t fear death still. But i definitely fear leaving loved ones behind. I think I’d feel that either way but my son’s autism, speech delay, hearing and maybe (if inherited) heart condition makes it worse.

    In part, I think that fear is why I put so much pressure on myself to remain on a solid financial footing at all times. Like it be one less thing to worry about. But with that comes stress and bad habits. Poor diet, drinking more than I should, exercising less than I should… like I’m inviting it in more.

    I do worry about damage already done from the above. And so the minute I have an unexplained ache or pain somewhere my brain instantly runs to all the life limiting nasties it could be and everything just feels heightened. I’d always visit the doctor with a real concern but I don’t want to invite in health anxiety to this weird mix.

    The feeling comes and goes thankfully, because most of the time I’m planning well into the future so subconsciously it can’t bother me that much. But I definitely do worry about it more than I feel is maybe normal.
     
  20. ElThomsono

    ElThomsono Multimodder

    Joined:
    18 Mar 2005
    Posts:
    4,376
    Likes Received:
    1,904
    I looked at a pea coat on YouTube and now the algorithm thinks I'm some sort of fedora bro :waah:
     

Share This Page