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Rant Women, geez, a gold fish died, not your relative

Discussion in 'General' started by unknowngamer, 13 Feb 2010.

  1. unknowngamer

    unknowngamer here

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    We got a couple of goldfish a few weeks ago for the kids.

    One off them didn't cope with the new tank and even though we got the treatments, it was a floater 1 hour ago.


    My wife has spent the past hour crying.


    FFS.

    It's a fish.
    £1.20


    I've spent the past hour, givving her a hug and stuff, and I'll have the same tomorrow from the kids. But I'd expect it from them, not her, ffs it's been on the cards for days.


    TBH, part of the reason I wanted a fish is 'cos I want my kids to get thier heads around death. my dad (grandad) may have cancer again. The last thing I want is some vauge avoidance of the idea of death. I'm not trying to scare them, but I think understanding death, just like birth is an immportant part of understanding who and what people are.

    I'm not trying to be a git, but some of the stuff folks tell kids to avoid the unpleasant reality just gets on my wick. "another place", ffs, it's dead, it's never coming back. By all means go through the rigmarole off a burial in the garden, but lets tell the truth, it's dead and it's gone forever.


    Am I unreasonable in
    A) expecting a 37 year old woman to get over a alomst dead for a week fish finally dieing
    B) Hoping my kids have a understanding of death, in the very real probability that thier grandad might die soon

    feedback please
     
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  2. knuck

    knuck Hate your face

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    1) no
    2) no
     
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  3. Matticus

    Matticus ...

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    Agreed with Ghys. My girlfriend has tropical fish, and when one dies she just say "oh ffs a fish had died", gets the net thing and they go down the toilet. She did pull a sad face when one of her favourite fish died a few years ago, but didn't cry.

    Hate to say it, but are you sure something else is not getting to her? And the fish thing is an excuse to let out some emotions...

    I can't speak for the kids bit, as I am not in that position yet. But I would be doing a similar thing if I were a few years older with ratbags of my own.
     
  4. smc8788

    smc8788 Multimodder

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    I've had a few goldfish in my years. I think the average life expectancy of those was around 3 hours IIRC. I don't keep goldfish any more.

    Depends on how good you are at ring toss.
     
  5. unknowngamer

    unknowngamer here

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    Nah, she's always been that way.

    She cries at bambi, even though she's seen it a thousand times (exageration)

    She's very empathic, and she tends to pick up folks true emotions, but she's over emotional imo.


    whereas I'm just a calous Empiricist, I'm not one for "touchy feely" emotional stuff. I like stuff quantifiable, and rational.

    Funny old world where I'd fall in love with and marry my opposite.......
     
  6. GoodBytes

    GoodBytes How many wifi's does it have?

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    I say run at the store in the morning while no one notice, get another fish \, put it in the tank (obviously remove the dead one), and Voila! the fish was just sleeping... yyyyeeesss sleeping....:worried:

    No one will notice a thing. :D
     
  7. cyrilthefish

    cyrilthefish What's a Dremel?

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    Sounds good to me.

    But people are different, IMHO half the reason religion in general is so popular is pure fear of death.
    Whilst i don't agree with it myself, i'm not surprised some people have serious problems coping with the concept...

    Best explanation i've seen comes from an RPG...

    (skip to 1min in if impatient ;) )

    Just to be clear, i think you're definitely doing the right thing here, you're trying to get your children to understand death, not bottle it away and then break down like your partner has...

    Maybe she'll learn more than your children do from this...
     
  8. 500mph

    500mph The Right man in the Wrong place

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    When I was a kid I actually dealt with caring for my fish and eventually they died. I was sad, moved on, bought a new fish, and let the cycle repeat.
    Such is life, some need to learn that there is nothing you can do about it.
     
  9. Jumeira_Johnny

    Jumeira_Johnny 16032 - High plains drifter

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    I love how you feel the need to come online and basically bash your spouse in front of strangers.

    If you thinks she's overly emo, then why'd you marry her? If you think it's something you can live with as one of her faults, why come on here and make her look bad? This is by far more a reflection of you being unhappy in the relationship then her being over empathetic.

    How do you think she feels about being belittled in front of 100's of internet nerds by the one person that is supposed to stand by her and support no matter what?
     
  10. knuck

    knuck Hate your face

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    and don't buy a TV, ever
     
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  11. stuartwood89

    stuartwood89 Please... Just call me Stu.

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    It's a rant... he doesn't expect anyone to care, he just wants feedback.
     
  12. Sloth

    Sloth #yolo #swag

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    Totally hates his wife bro. Obviously.

    About the fish, that's a really great idea. I frequently have to care for younger (5-8 years) cousins/nephews/nieces and can attest to the trauma losing a "real" animal like a cat can be to them, let alone a grandparent. You might also want to think about reptiles, like lizards. Or caged mammals like hamsters or mice. Fun pets, yet ones that can't really develop a strong bond.
     
  13. unknowngamer

    unknowngamer here

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    Erm, I wasn't bashing her, I think she's over emotional about a fish that was obviously going to die.

    But, Perhaps I was the one being a calous git.

    My frame of reference is slightly skewed.


    When I was about 9, I was helping my Gran in the kitchen, she had a major heart attack and fell ontop of me and died. I kinda have a bit of a skewed perception. Death is something I am very aware off.


    So Hence the request for feedback.
    Posting in a forum where I am annoymous would seem the best course of action, rather than blabing to our mates about it.


    TBH, I think your comments are a bit harsh and unfair.
    I was asking if what I think is unfair or harsh.
    but feedback is feedback.
     
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  14. theevilelephant

    theevilelephant Minimodder

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    Bit strong maybe?

    Personally I couldn't get that attached to a fish that I'd be sad that it died.
     
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  15. knuck

    knuck Hate your face

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    that's pretty messed up man... It may have been a little early for you to deal with this kind of thing but at least you got stronger because of it. I think you are doing the right thing. I am 24 and never got to deal with death, ever. I honestly have no idea how I will react when it will happen and it will be a huge step. Learning with pets and starting with a fish is a good way to make small steps in my opinion
     
  16. mvagusta

    mvagusta Did a skid that went for two weeks.

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    I don't think there's anything wrong with seeking some practically anonymus advice, from us pc geeks :geek: It's not like he's seeking advice from /b/

    I'd suggest watching a few sad movies, that involve the death of a loved one, stuff like pearl harbour, etc, and immediately after go do something fun with the family, or even just you two. Just to try and break the habit of being sad for ages over death.

    But do yourself a favour Unknowngamer, if you own a tv, don't tell JJ about it :worried:
     
  17. knuck

    knuck Hate your face

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    mv remembers :D
     
  18. boiled_elephant

    boiled_elephant Merom Celeron 4 lyfe

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    The grandma experience sounds like it was quite formative and therefore useful, and your wife sounds like she severely lacks any such experiences (or maybe had one that was far too intense to get over and forced her into a sort of blanket denial state instead).

    Some people get a bit unrealistic about this kind of stuff and regard any desensitizing towards death as sociopathic and dysfunctional - but really, it's a natural and normal state that comprises part of what we consider to be maturity. In layman's terms, growing up means learning to accept and deal with death. It might sound callous, but the alternative - crying in corners, regressing, introverting and going into trauma-shock every time someone close dies - is far more dysfunctional in my opinion.

    Consider: there is a subtle difference between the reaction described above and grieving. Grieving incorporates perspective and acceptance. It sounds like your wife might be more prone to dysfunctional trauma-shock stuff than healthy grievance, from what you've said. I'd be concerned for her sake if that's the case - the imminent grandfather's death you mentioned might be a serious problem (beyond being a family tragedy, I mean) if she can't cope with these things.

    Dunno what to recommend though, really - you can't force someone to come to terms with death as a part of life. And I suspect it's a realisation that gets harder and harder to move past with time. Formative childhood experiences like yours may sound horrible and problem-causing, but I imagine they're actually the easier means to this realisation.
     
  19. Jipa

    Jipa Avoiding the "I guess.." since 2004

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    Sorry to be a bit harsh, but what is this BS?

    Yeah I really hope for both your and your wifes' sake she gets better with that sorta stuff. Sure, it's always hard, I've lost grand parents and very close pets (well, after basically growing up with German shepherds they sure were close) and it's never easy, but getting all upset over a goldfish just doesn't seem right.

    But being an emotional retard I can't really give any constructive feedback. :wallbash:
     
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  20. specofdust

    specofdust Banned

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    That depends on whether she's on the rag tbh. Please don't tell us, but if she is...well the answer and explanation should be obvious. Otherwise, emo.
     

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