As a wise man once said to me. "how do you make a woman have an orgasm?" Before I could reply he gave the correct answer. "who gives a ****" Every woman I know goes fin made at me for that joke. It's great. +_+_+_+_+ Three wommen were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home. "Sixty is a terrible age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothing," said the 70 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat fibre foods - you sit on the toilet for hours and nothing comes out!" "Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old. "No ... not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - not a problem." "Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the 70 year old. "No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30." With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about being eighty?" To which the eighty year old replied - "I don't wake up until ten!" _+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_ A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, "If you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out." Her husband grunted in the usual way , ignored the comment, and kept on farting. Being a butcher, his cunning wife decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up, and not do it anymore. He woke up in the morning and went across the hall to the bathroom. After two long hours , he came out and stated, "WOW honey, you were right about me farting my guts out but with a these 2 fingers and allot of effort I got them back in!!!"