Just get involved, being passive about it only works in cases where it is just a small crush, this is obviously something bigger. Now that your GF has stated that you will assault him, i suggest you find the biggest (muscle wise) friend you know and have him show up to his door and state that if he doesn't back off that he will be dealing with you (your friend) personally.
Oh how I dread this utter ****. I am normally anti-violence (don't get me wrong, I'm not a pacifist) but this is just starting to look more and more like a pissing match, and to be honest I am quite on my own when I am at her place. No friends, no place to run if things get crappy. So I'd rather not do anything physical, or even remotely threatening to him.
Not having your arse kicked is the better part of valor; don't let internet hard men drag you down to the level of a playground spat. You beating the snot out of this guy will not 'get you the girl' - you already have the girl and it's not guaranteed that she's going to be impressed by you smacking this freak around. In fact, the only thing that could happen is him pressing charges. Resist the urge to beat the stupid out of him; it won't help, it'll just increase his grievance against you and this kind of weirdo won't fight fair. Ignore him, block him from your phones and Facebook immediately. If the worst comes to worst, fight him in the social scene; your girlfriend can tell her friends what he's doing despite her best efforts, you can do the same. Let everyone know that he's way out of line and that he needs to straighten up; perhaps there are other people you have in common who will hear this and influence him.
Thanks PS, that was exactly my thoughts. Though I know my girlfriend would probably applaud me kicking his ass. But the internet hard-men aren't getting to me . He seems to have stopped, but who knows :-/
Internet hard men aren't there to back you up if it gets messy. Best thing you can do is leave something handy in your girl friends flat similar to pepper spray, like chilli oil or something. If he comes a knocking don't let him say anything other than sorry, you need to have presence of verbal authority over him, use the chain on the door if needs be. If he tries to get in a well placed foot behind the door will slow him down, best to where some boots for that. Warn him to back off, then give him a spray in the eye's, rush him and pin him down and CALL for help from surrounding houses/flats to pin him down until the police get there. You put your body weight between his shoulder blades, just below his neck line, and i guarantee he wont be able to shift you off straight away, even if you get your girlfriend to sit on him aswell, two people its impossible. keep his arms out straight to stop him attempting to push up, best if you can lock one behind him during the pin.
hey heres an idea, why doesnt your gf change phone numbers and not give out personal information through the interbutts.
Erm. It's a guy from her old High School class. She changed schools for another reason, but he obviously kept her number.
Ok, i finally have a suggestion, it's almost guaranteed to work, and it's completely non-violent. Talk to his mother. Or equivalent ofcourse. Find somebody in his family or direct surroundings, somebody that cares about him. Just introduce yourself and express your concern that the situation might get out of hand if somebody doen't help this guy. I used the same threat on somebody once. Police doesn't impress anyone these days, but if you get that embarressed in front of your family, you press some buttons. You can either use it as a threat on him, or just plain do it. Depends a bit on the situation. Good luck!
Because it's not exactly the greatest thing to do, just because some random dewd has got a crush on her. The idea of talking to his mother would actually be quite good. I'll have to run that around my GF
OK, the psychologist is in... What you are dealing with here, is the garden-variety lesser-spotted minor stalker (trust me, he is a very mild case). Stalkers are basically people with poor self-esteem (which they compensate with narcissistic fantasies) and poor personal boundaries (i.e. knowing what is socially appropriate and knowing what is socially intrusive). They obsess about a chosen person and then base a whole delusional belief system/fantasy around them, that they have some sort of special bond or relationship. The object of their fantasies is usually chosen to compensate some personal shortcoming: if the stalker feels unimportant and worthless, they fixate on someone important and famous; if the stalker needs rescuing, they fixate on a rescuer and elevate them to sainthood. If the stalker has no social skills, they fixate on someone gregarious and sociable. Get the pattern? Good. The important thing to realise is that the stalker is delusional. As far as the stalker is concerned, he and your girlfriend are already in a relationship; it's just that she (and the rest of the world) haven't caught on yet. So he has to demonstrate his undying fixation devotion and interest in her by attracting her attention. What he is doing is his personal brand of courtship behaviour. Attention is what it is all about. Good, bad, it doesn't matter. The stalker can't even tell the difference. He is, after all, delusional and you know what arguing with that is like: everything, even indisputable logic or proof to the contrary will be either blanked or twisted and turned until it appears to confirm their delusions. Moreover this is probably a guy who has not had a lot of positive attention in his life and therefore has no baseline for comparison to know when attention is negative. As far as he's concerned, if you're paying attention at all that's a Good Thing. So PureSilver is correct: what you need to do first is ignore him. Block him on your phones and Facebook and have no interaction with him whatsoever. Most likely he will give up. Don't go to his mother. First, it is giving him attention and second, effectively this is the woman who raised a stalker. Do you think she is going to take control of the situation? I think not. Don't beat him up. That's giving him attention. Don't play him at his game: that's attention. Don't argue with him, reason with him, threaten him or engage with him in any way: that's attention. Ignore him completely, like he was invisible, and eventually he'll go and fixate on someone else because he is not getting what he wants. If instead he escalates, sooner or later he'll do something you can report to the police. An articulated threat is one; destruction of property another. Take these things seriously, but treat them as crimes. Get an incident log number, keep a diary/record of his stalking actions and keep reporting each one to the police (and get an incident number for each one). Eventually the local plod will have to deal with him. When the investment and personal risk becomes too big for him, he is likely to disengage.
Ookay, thanks Nexxo. That was actually quite an enlightning read. So basically we have to ignore him and he will eventually go away. Sounds simple enough tbh. I'll talk with my GF about a no-contact rule, and then take it from there
If all the advice from the 3 previous pages of responses don't work. Let me know... There are many effective ways to dissolve biomatter and eliminate evidence.
