Blogs Are there any funny computer jokes?

http://www.bit-tech.net/blog/2009/03/26/are-there-any-funny-computer-jokes/

 

Simply put?

No.

Jokes are usually good because they're subject matters that are fairly common. Computing/geeky jokes are understood by, almost exclusively, geeks.

There is IT humour, yes, but not jokes specifically. We can't tell them to just anyone and have everyone understand, and find it funny.

In my opinion anyway.

 

What's white, a gold digger and has an obession with fruit?

Spoiler

Apple Inc

 

Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.

RUDE JOKE:
What's the similarity between computers and women?

Spoiler

You don't appreciate them until they go down on you.

 

A lot of IT jokes can be found in tv series IT Crowd.
Also sometime ago bash.org was good source of IT related jokes.

 

i found Forrest Gump investing in "some fruit company" quite funny

If you want good computer jokes though, go read XKCD. Mostly they are nerd-jokes though, so they might not qualify according to your rules.

 

Like stated before, there is only humor, no jokes. Its all mainly oriented towards already geeks and nerds. Tho I did laugh at CardJoe's joke!

 

Old one

Blond goes into a store and says to assistant "I need some curtains for my PC".

Shop assistant says "But you don't need curtains for a PC!"

Blond replies, "DUH!!! It has windows"

l3w1z - you owe for a keyboard ;-)

 

heheheh I had to pass that one forward :B

But what's the point with IT jokes if IT folks are too nerdy to have friends with whom they could share jokes?

 

Southampton University ECS Zepler UG printers prints each and every header page with a joke....... at home now.... let me find one of them. but it's mostly written by the admins, who are computer scientist to do with programming, so i don't get most of them.

eg.
"heuristics are bug ridden by definition, if they didn't have bugs, they'd be algorithms"

this one's rather smart, it's about technology rather than IT
"a mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese"

 

How do you know if a Blondes been using a computer?

Spoiler

There's Tippex on the screen

OR

Spoiler

The Joystick's wet

 

you guys wanna hear something really funny.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DQMuJ7Eq9M&fmt=18

XD made this video last month

 

surely, that's what the internet is for?

well, that and pr0n

 

What's the difference between a woman and a computer?

Spoiler

Computers don't frown at a 3.5" floppy

 

here's one:

 

This is old, but still as funny as ever.
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay...bqvpmIDg&q=i+hate+macs&hl=en&client=firefox-a

The Dakota Indians of North America passed on this piece of wisdom from generation to generation by word of mouth - "If you are riding a dead horse the best thing to do is dismount". However, in the IT industry because of the heavy investment factor other things that need to be tried (but not limited to) are the following:-

* buy a stronger whip
* change riders
* threaten the horse with termination
* appoint a committee to study the horse
* arrange to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses
* lower the standards so dead horses can be included
* appoint an intervention team to reanimate the horse
* create a training session to increase the riders load share
* reclassify the horse as 'living impaired'
* change the form so it reads "This horse is not dead"
* hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse
* harness several dead horses together for increased speed and efficiency
* donate the dead horse to a recognised charity therefore deducting its full original cost
* provide additional funding to increase horse's performance
* do a time management study to see if lighter riders would improve productivity
* purchase an after market product that makes dead horses run faster
* declare the dead horse has lower overheads and is therefore more cost effective
* form a quality focus group to find profitable uses for dead horses
* rewrite the performance requirements for horses
* and finally if all else fails.....promote the dead horse into a supervisory (management) position


As part of its effort to standardize the user interface and functionality of all Windoze programs, Windoze producer Micromafia has proposed the following guidelines. They will make your development strategy consistent with the development strategy at Micromafia.

1. Start by having your R&D staff search the net and other sources for popular applications until they find one that would look good in a box with the art division's latest logo.

2. The R&D staff must now completely replicate that product, changing the interface slightly and adding no less than 20,000 extra "features," at least 100 of which must really be bugs that they didn't feel like fixing.

3. Do NOT, under any circumstances, test the product. This is a waste of time and money. Ship the first beta that arrives on your desk. In fact, don't bother even getting it on your desk. Just ship every build that comes along. Users like upgrades. Besides, you can charge people for bugfixes cleverly disguised as "service packages". Users love service packages.

4. Hopefully someone's written a user's manual. In fact, it's probably readable by a normal human being. This is unacceptable; perform a find and replace operation on random English words, replacing them with technical terms and acronyms. Users like acronyms; they add mystery to a product. Never tell what an acronym means; this is unprofessional. You may even wish to make up your own acronyms; again, don't tell what they mean. For every sensible sentence, you lose at least three calls to your $200-per-incident tech support line. Users love calling tech support, especially when there are fifty touch tone menus that all lead to the same two people.

5. Prepare for shipping. Have your team of 57 lawyers create a prefabricated license agreement. If you do not have 57 lawyers, hire or fire as necessary so that you do have 57 lawyers. Be sure that the license agreement includes a "by opening the box, you agree to this" statment. Then put it inside the box. Users will perceive this as a joke and laugh. Users love involuntarily binding themselves to legal agreements.

6. Before shipping, invest in shrink wrap. Shrink wrap the manual. Shrink wrap the CD. Shrink wrap each and every floppy disk separately. Shrink wrap the "getting started" card. Shrink wrap the registration card. Shrink wrap the card from your grandmother. Then dump the whole mess in a box and shrink wrap it. Pack several boxes inside a larger brown box with 5,637 non-decomposable foam peanuts (each one shrink wrapped individually, of course). Be sure the foam peanut count is exactly 5,637. Remove or add shrink-wrapped foam peanuts as necessary. Throw in a roll of bubble wrap because of its entertainment value.

7. Ship the product and move your entire R&D and art staff to the $200-per-incident tech support lines.

 

i hear that a lot of programmers confuse halloween with christmas. they say it's because OCT 31 = DEC 25.

terrible, i know. but still. our jokes at uni tended towards to horribly obscure prolog/computational complexity side of things. we were total nerds.

 

Wow. I just read all of those and didn't even chuckle.

 

i LOL'ed at the dead Horse joke and the OCT 31 == DEC 25 one...

i know some extremely geeky ones, but in the spirit of Joe's rules, i shall'nt post them.

 

I USE THAT DEXTER'S LAB JOKE ALL OF THE TIME!

Awesome.